To think this was a little bit "off"?

[susiesuelou]

I took my DD (just turned 2) swimming yesterday to a place we haven't been before. When we came out there was a little cafe and small toddler play area inside the cafe, with a little play kitchen and a few toys etc. I got a coffee for me and my friend and a snack for toddler, and we sat at a table very near to the play area as my toddler had already ran over to the little kitchen to play. Friend and I were sitting chatting and drinking our coffees watching toddler play. Next moment, a lady arrives at the table next to us with a small baby and toddler who looked similar in age to my DD. He ran over to play next to my DD and showed interest in the toys she was playing with (a little pretend till and an abacus type thing). He stood beside her looking at the toys and at my DD as toddlers do. All good so far. I cheerily said to DD "are you going to play with the little boy darling? You must share" etc. Obviously she's still very young so the concept of sharing is a new one. The little boy started to play with the till and DD looked at me and started to cry. I reiterated to her "you need to share sweetheart, why not play with something else?"

I then smiled across at the mum of the toddler and said "she's only just turned 2, she doesn't really understand sharing yet, we are trying though". I smiled as I said this in a sort of 'it's bloody hard isn't it' solidarity type way, thinking she would get it having a child of a similar age. She didnt smile back and just sharply said "yeah he's 2 as well".

I continued talking to my friend, one eye on DD. She was pressing buttons on the till as well as the little boy. The other mum then stood up, went over to where they were playing, reached over the top of my DD's head and took the till, and moved it to the other side of the little play area. Her son followed and began playing with it by himself. My DD just watched then looked at me and burst out crying. I went over to her and tried to distract with another toy and said nothing to the mum. I was annoyed though, thinking was that really necessary? They weren't fighting over the toy, they were just playing side by side and learning to share as 2 year olds do. Also, I attempted to engage her in friendly conversation about it so would have felt nicer if she had maybe addressed me and said "oh I know it's hard isn't it, shall I move this over here and then they don't fight over it" or something similar. Anything really other than just silently removing a toy away from my DD unnecessarily.

The whole interaction just felt really off. I've been to many a soft play / parks etc with DD and got chatting to many mums of toddlers. I've never come across anyone as stony and "off" as this. Maybe that's why it threw me. Usually other mums of toddlers get what's it's like and are friendly in their understanding of what it's like to parent a 2 year old. I get all mums won't be as friendly but this was just bizarre.

Not sure why I'm posting. Just for some perspective I suppose as I'm not sure why this upset me and wonder if I am overthinking this or if it seems a normal thing to do?

@susiesuelou you've missed my point slightly.

I was just trying to explain that (as clearly demonstrated by this thread) people have different interpretations of what "sharing" means when it comes to children and toys.

Some people take "sharing" to mean playing together with the toy, which is exactly what your DD was doing, so yes she was sharing!

But other people take "sharing" to mean one child plays with the toy for a bit but then they will hand it over to the other child to play with and the first child chooses another toy.

Neither of these are necessarily right or wrong and both have their places in learning and play.

My observation was just that you are in the first camp but the other mum was in the latter camp.

When you told your DD to share the other mum was probably thinking that your DD would play with the till for a while but would then hand it over to her DS. When you suggested that your DD choose something else, you reinforced the other mums thinking.

From her point of view, that then didn't happen, so she stepped in.

Neither of you did anything wrong, you both just had different expectations of what was going to happen

@FrangipaniBlue

Ahh that makes sense, thanks for explaining 😀

Maybe she was just exhausted/fed up/ depressed (insert as applicable) and just wanted 5 mins to herself to have a coffee and let her lo play. Maybe she didn't want to engage in conversation. Maybe she was being a dick.

I think you are overthinking it - just move on and parent your way OP

Read the first batch of reponses then gave up because as usual on Mn these days they were all trying to blame and criticise OP for doing absolutely nothing wrong, this place has become so insane with people willfully missing the point of the thread, looking for any excuse to force Op to defend perfectly normal and reasonable behaviour. I am amazed anyone still comes here for advice, I wonder what these people are like in real life, they must be beyond tedious - always on the attack.

OP the other mother was unpleasant and unreasonable, unfortunately some people think their children take priority over everyone else's. Rather than your child growing up to be a people pleaser (utter nonsense of course) she will grow up to be generous and friendly. The little boy sadly is probably destined to be frequently disappointed as he is being taught that he is entitled to get whatever he wants whenever he wants it, and inevitably at some point someone will say 'no' you have to wait and he won't understand why. Delayed gratification and consideration of others need are useful skills to learn, they don't make people push overs or doormats, they make them thoughtful, empathetic and decent humans.

@Vegrocks

Fucks sake. What's it to you? Do tell me, why are you so invested in my thread? I mean it's obvious why I am, I created it. But you just seem here for an argument tbh. Strange...

Bloomin heck! 😱

And this is your version of “relaxing”. Arguing with anonymous posters on a chat forum about something that happened yesterday?

You clearly don't do MN much 😁

And pissy so many took a dislike to your post.

Your DD was playing with it first. Kids also need to learn to "take turns" and clearly this little boy wasn't being taught that.

I don't think you did anything wrong.

😂

@Vegrocks bloomin heck right back at you 🙄

Brace yourself…

Thank you, what a lovely post 😀

I have actually taken something helpful from this thread: the difference between sharing and turn taking, and how actually at 2 years old it's probably more sensible to encourage my DD to do the latter and not the former. Sharing and playing with - as opposed to alongside - other children will I suppose come at a later point.

I'm with you..... I think it's nice to share (or play together) and I don't think children should have to give up a toy for another child.

Play together or wait!

But I can also see how the scenario came about so I don't think other mum was being deliberately rude.....

Or maybe I'm just an eternal optimist 😂

I don't think you did anything wrong OP, you were just unlucky to meet someone rather unpleasant (and thanks to this thread, you've met a few more!).

I agree with whoever upthread said that these sort of people are easier to deal with if you try and put yourself in their shoes. So I always imagine that they have the same background (pretty awful childhood) as my SIL, who I once had to talk down from punching a woman for being "too nice". She genuinely doesn't understand how some people can be nice to complete strangers, she thinks it's "being false".

She does sound rude, but she had a baby to deal with too. She probably found you quite irritating too.

I've always seen sharing as something you do with things that belong to you. i.e. an act of kindness. But with things that are public, you take turns. i.e. good manners/politeness.

It's bad manners to hog a toy/slide/swing and not let anyone else have a turn with it. Then, when someone else is having their turn, it is bad manners to interrupt them. I suppose it depends on how long your daughter was playing with it first whether the boy was rude to interrupt her. But to be fair, she was playing with two toys, so it was right that she should have given one up.

Ah you sound lovely OP. I think you're handling these insane posters very well.

The other mum was clearly rude - for whatever reason. I assume you'll never know.

For what it's worth, I have learnt to not make my child 'share', if sharing means giving up what they were playing with just because someone else wants it. It's hard when you first become a mum, you don't pre-imagine every scenario and work out how to handle it in advance. Things keep cropping up that you never imagined and you wing it, reflect on it and do it better/different next time. There was nothing wrong in what you did, but if it were me, I would say something to the child about DD not having finished with it yet. After all, that's what happens in the adult world. I like a pp example of if you were in a library and someone wanted the book you were in the middle of reading, you wouldn't just immediately stop reading and hand it over. And so equally, your DD shouldn't have to hand over her toy (or have the nutty mum take it off her) just because the boy wanted it. It was very sweet of her to play side by side with him. That's not always easy for a 2 year old to do.

Because the toys are for everyone not just her.

I agree.

I’m a teacher and did not know that this would be wrong. Admittedly I’ve never taught nursery. But if I, a qualified teacher didn’t know this was wrong, what would a parent know it was wrong. My kids are 10 and 13 and it’s been a while since I had such young children but at soft play etc when they were little I would not have known not to encourage her to share. I probably did just that. Or, if someone else had a toy I’d definitely distract and suggest she wait her turn, but if another child came over and started trying to play with the same toy I’d maybe encourage mine to share as it’s not my place to tell a stranger’s child to wait their turn or take a toy off them.

You were trying to be a good parent OP. And the other mum sounds arsey. Don't worry about it

I agree very well put

Really, never had a sense of humour failure or took something the wrong way. Interesting.

The replies on here are truly unhinged. I can't possibly believe you all go around acting the way you describe in theses posts. The world would just be full of dick heads who can't manage to get on ata ll. While we do have various problems we manage ok with soma annoyances in the day to day world.