To think this was a little bit "off"?

[susiesuelou]

I took my DD (just turned 2) swimming yesterday to a place we haven't been before. When we came out there was a little cafe and small toddler play area inside the cafe, with a little play kitchen and a few toys etc. I got a coffee for me and my friend and a snack for toddler, and we sat at a table very near to the play area as my toddler had already ran over to the little kitchen to play. Friend and I were sitting chatting and drinking our coffees watching toddler play. Next moment, a lady arrives at the table next to us with a small baby and toddler who looked similar in age to my DD. He ran over to play next to my DD and showed interest in the toys she was playing with (a little pretend till and an abacus type thing). He stood beside her looking at the toys and at my DD as toddlers do. All good so far. I cheerily said to DD "are you going to play with the little boy darling? You must share" etc. Obviously she's still very young so the concept of sharing is a new one. The little boy started to play with the till and DD looked at me and started to cry. I reiterated to her "you need to share sweetheart, why not play with something else?"

I then smiled across at the mum of the toddler and said "she's only just turned 2, she doesn't really understand sharing yet, we are trying though". I smiled as I said this in a sort of 'it's bloody hard isn't it' solidarity type way, thinking she would get it having a child of a similar age. She didnt smile back and just sharply said "yeah he's 2 as well".

I continued talking to my friend, one eye on DD. She was pressing buttons on the till as well as the little boy. The other mum then stood up, went over to where they were playing, reached over the top of my DD's head and took the till, and moved it to the other side of the little play area. Her son followed and began playing with it by himself. My DD just watched then looked at me and burst out crying. I went over to her and tried to distract with another toy and said nothing to the mum. I was annoyed though, thinking was that really necessary? They weren't fighting over the toy, they were just playing side by side and learning to share as 2 year olds do. Also, I attempted to engage her in friendly conversation about it so would have felt nicer if she had maybe addressed me and said "oh I know it's hard isn't it, shall I move this over here and then they don't fight over it" or something similar. Anything really other than just silently removing a toy away from my DD unnecessarily.

The whole interaction just felt really off. I've been to many a soft play / parks etc with DD and got chatting to many mums of toddlers. I've never come across anyone as stony and "off" as this. Maybe that's why it threw me. Usually other mums of toddlers get what's it's like and are friendly in their understanding of what it's like to parent a 2 year old. I get all mums won't be as friendly but this was just bizarre.

Not sure why I'm posting. Just for some perspective I suppose as I'm not sure why this upset me and wonder if I am overthinking this or if it seems a normal thing to do?

Where did the OP do anything wrong ? If anyone was at fault it was the boys’ mother. The OP’s DD had the till and was playing with it when the little boy showed interest in it and started pressing the buttons - so they were playing with it together. Because the DD didn’t hand it over immediately the boy’s mother went over, took it off DD and moved it to the other side of the play area. That’s not taking it from a shelf, it’s taking away from another child.

WTF is this supposed to mean ?!!!

You seem nice.

Completely agree OP. Good grief, I see some very incomprehensible comments on here, e. g. raising your daughter to be a people pleaser🤔🤷‍♀️🤔🤷‍♀️

In that situation, if my child had started playing with a toy, and another child came over to take it from her, I'd say to the other child "Jane is having her turn now, you're next". Then I'd let my child play with it for a few more minutes, and then distract my child with a different toy.
Same as they take turns on the swings in the play park.

So the OP was boring and pompous because she was teaching her dd to share... good grief, how rude this comment is. Whatever next

I wouldn't do anything.

Had the little boy been there first and your DD showed an interest in 'his toy' would you have expected him to share? It was up to the other mum to distract her son, not up to your DD to passively hand over 'her toy' to avoid confrontation.

I get it's awkward though in situations like this, but I would avoid jumping in encouraging your DD to hand over things just because someone else wants it.

There are some really unnecessarily harsh comments on this thread! OP sounds like a lovely, decent person who just wanted both kids to be happy. She made some harmless small talk in an attempt to show solidarity to the other mum. Sadly this other mum was really hostile and unpleasant, we don’t know why but there’s no excuse for brazen rudeness to a well-meaning stranger.

I agree with the Queen. Unfortunately, not everyone you meet is nice. If you find a way of getting over it more quickly then let me know. I am still a bit of a sensitive flower, but realise this is my issue. You will meet a few more people like this in your parenting journey, so you need a strategy for when this happens, ideally, so it doesn't spoil your day. Otherwise IME you are still smarting from meeting/clashing with one cuntyparent when you meet another one. Tis hard OP sometimes, but part of life.

I don't teach my toddler to share...

If you were reading a book in a public place, and a random person took it off you, and said 'you must share' wouldn't you be a bit pissed off too!?

I can teach my toddler to take turns, and I can tell her that. If a child takes a toy off her I will make sure I get it and give it back to her. I would never say 'share darling!'. Doesn't make sense to me. I might say 'that little boy would like to play with that after you.'

Each to their own though!

The Other mother didn't teach sharing either she just whipped away the toy the the two toddlers were sharing and gave it to her son.

Otherwise you are still smarting from meeting one cunty parent when you meet another one

So true and such good advice to remember. I think nice people can be genuinely startled and upset to realise that other people can be so awful. The trick really is to learn how to mentally detach from those people asap and know it’s nothing to do with you.

Encouraging kids to share is basically the only way to avoid them snatching/crying/shouting/hitting/being miserable and stressing their grown-ups out. It’s just oiling the wheels of toddler society. It’s not about people pleasing and flimsy boundaries, it’s about trying to get through the years of little-kid behaviour as pleasantly as possible.

This mum just sounds a bit of a sourpuss - don’t worry about it!

I think some posters have hit the nail on the head - the crux is the different understanding of sharing vs taking turns.

In my mind, sharing a toy is both playing with it together - which is exactly what your DD and the boy were doing.

Taking turns is when one child plays with a toy for a while and then gives it to another child to play with.

Some people also consider this "sharing" and I don't actually think either is inherently wrong, it just depends on the situation!

I think your statement "you need to share sweetheart, why not play with something else?" could be what caused some of the confusion.

The other mum clearly heard you remind your DD to share and suggesting she play with something else. In the other mums kind you were telling your DD to "take turns". When your DD then didn't and you didn't step in she stepped instead.

I don't think either of you did anything wrong though!

Sorry, typos but you get my gist!!!

This mum just sounds a bit of a sourpuss - don’t worry about it! @Gridhopper You put it much more politely than me!

Because they weren't her toys? Because how else do they learn? They can't hang on to things at nursery or playgroup or school.

If it was her own then it would be different and you make sure 'precious' things aren't available if you have friends round

But if they're playing with something together or that more than one child can use at a time then ;sharing' is the right term.

I think children should be taught to share, be polite etc but in this particular case it was the BOY who should have been told. Your daughter was playing with something. He wanted it. His mum should have said "Just wait until the little girl has finished. Oh look at this lovely teddy!" or whatever. Clearly she wasn't in the mood to do that.
Let's give a similar example for adults. You're in a public library, reading a book. A stranger comes up to you, peering over your shoulder at the book. He clearly wants it. Obviously in this case the stranger needs to back off and patiently wait his turn. Although the book isn't yours and is public property you wouldn't be expected to hand it over when you're in the middle of reading it.
It was exactly the same for your daughter. She was enjoying a toy, why on earth should she be pressurised to hand it over the second another child wants it. They need to wait their turn! OK, if she was hogging it for hours, then you tell her to share. Not the moment another child wants it.

Exactly. Everyone telling the OP she is teaching her child to be selfish by not immediately handing over her toy 'sharing' seems to be ignoring this point

@SpongeBobJudgeyPants

your description was apt too, definitely one I would have thought if I’d been the OP!

And you’re right I think: the lesson here is ‘don’t let the bastards get you down’.

(The lesson is definitely not: analyse to the nth degree all the possible implications, with full psychological and societal consideration, of your reaction to two toddlers wanting to play with a toy till).

I didn't pull the figures out from nowhere, studies show that this is a typical guideline for development. But yes, some 2 year olds are geniuses 😇

I don't know where you're getting that my DD "didn't share" - I don't say this anywhere in my OP. So there was no need for the other mum to "step in", at all. I prompted her to share - and then they stood side by side both pressing buttons. That's what happened. Then other mum came over and removed the till.

Sourpuss - love that 😂

And this is your version of “relaxing”. Arguing with anonymous posters on a chat forum about something that happened yesterday?