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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Has anyone ever snuck out in the morning

226 replies

shade78 · 05/03/2023 19:16

I'm dreading it already, I do everything for everyone in the morning. I even fetch clothes for the children to dress under the covers and run back and forth with a toothbrush while they sit on the sofa. I get nothing but terse crap off my husband and it feels like we are always on the edge of a row. Kids snap back at me when asked to do something basic and can spend 40 mins lying in bed while the clock ticks down and I'm so stressed I can barely hold it in. It is truly awful and I hate it after 5 years we have still not got it together in the morning. I always start with a happy good morning to everyone and I'm just run down after hours of this crap. AIBU to just get up and go to work, I'm sure they would all wake up at 9.30 with an ohh shit moment. Has anyone done this? Thank you I'm desperate.

OP posts:
cookie4640 · 07/03/2023 00:05

Chuck an inch of cold water over them, remove their duvets and yell to get their asses out of bed. If my four yr old doesn’t brush her teeth then there’s nothing with sugar in that day as a reminder she needs to be responsible for them. Stop being a skiv, they are old enough to get themselves organised! I could not tolerate your life, make them be responsible for themselves just stop doing everything for them! 💗

angelfacecuti75 · 07/03/2023 00:51

Um.
Don't do it e.g. the toothbrush thing/clothes thing.
Tell them beforehand.
Then introduce consequences and follow through when they are late.
Tell the school your kids are being a pain and you are going to let them be late and then get told off and agree it with them so they know you aren't a crap parent , just ones who's kids need to be taught their actions have consequences.
As for hubby , get him on same page and him to help with getting clothes and lubches ready the night before or get kids to do it.

SchoolTripDrama · 07/03/2023 04:09

MrsRR1 · 05/03/2023 19:38

My 8 year old gets up to his alarm. Makes his bed, opens his blinds, gets himself dressed cleans his teeth.
If he doesn't want to wait until breakfast club he will make his breakfast himself. I thought this was pretty standard because I did this when I was young but I have been told it really isn't. He is a morning person though whereas I am really not but from a young age we would get ready together in the mornings, for example I'd clean his teeth then mine and he would watch the 2 min timer for me. He would get dressed in my room sometimes so he could have a chat then go downstairs amd watch TV while I finished getting ready for work myself.
Could you maybe try to adjust the routine gradually? If its always been the same way would a sudden disappearance from you make a difference?
Reward chart worked a treat, would that work do you think?
I was a single parent at the time so didn't have help but forced myself to have a good morning and bedtime routine to try and make life easier.
I am expecting now and and under no illusion that what I did first time round will work again! My husband is very hands on though.
I hope you find a solution soon

You make your 8yr old make his breakfast himself?? Hmm At 8?! Poor kid

olympicsrock · 07/03/2023 04:53

My kids are 7 and 11 . We need to leave to catch the school bus at 7:30. I wake them at 6:45 . One usually is reluctant to get up. They are given a stern get up now 5 mins later.
Bags and shoes and blazers are put on a shelf every afternoon.
Uniform hung on banisters so I can see that it is there the night before.
I make breakfast for speed. They get themselves dressed abs do teeth in bathroom with a 5 minute warning.

The more reluctant also does speeding practice for 5 minutes most days. It can be done

Seabreeze18 · 07/03/2023 06:08

I recently read a book about us parents doing too much for kids and them not learning how to look after and organise themselves! It really made me think. Our job as parents is to teach our kids to live without us and protect them from harm until they fly the nest, not be a slave to their every whim!!
sit them down explain the situation and say I’m setting a challenge for the next week with a treat at the end. Good luck

Switchwitch · 07/03/2023 06:12

I have to leave the house for work twice a week. I HAVE to leave by 8. But I tend to leave at quarter to 7 specifically so I don't have to deal with the morning family routine. It is glorious. Miraculously they do all get it together (although house is a bombsite when I get in!)

Sophie89j · 07/03/2023 06:27

I have snuck out in the morning before but not for any reason other than work and was more of a quietly leave so as to allow them all a bit longer in bed. A few years ago I had to leave for work about 7.15 one day a week, partner works from home and the two children were 9 and 11. They got used to my weekly early leave, first few times the house was a bit messier when I got home but then they just got into the swing of it.

Natsku · 07/03/2023 06:44

Thank you for starting this thread OP, its given me the kick up the bum I needed. I still dress my 5 year old every morning, even though he is capable of doing it himself, because he doesn't like doing it and its just easier to do it for him. So this morning I refused and told him he needed to dress himself like a big boy. Tantrum ensued but eventually he did it.

GodSaveTheClean · 07/03/2023 07:22

My 10 year old is pretty good in the morning but I do remind him of what needs doing next far to much. This morning he’s been told we are leaving at 8.30 and that’s it! Be interesting to see what happens …

Siameasy · 07/03/2023 07:33

SchoolTripDrama · 07/03/2023 04:09

You make your 8yr old make his breakfast himself?? Hmm At 8?! Poor kid

Show quote history

What’s wrong with that? When my DD turned 7 she started doing it. She’s really proud to! She made her own toast yesterday although like a PP I may at times do it myself for speed.

Its no wonder some kids are inept when parents are babying them.

cookie4640 · 07/03/2023 07:47

My 4 yr old loves to make her own breakfast, she enjoys the independence and choice. Of course a lot of the time she doesn’t want to so I do it, but I would hope by 8 years old most children would make their own breakfast

JackiePlace · 07/03/2023 07:49

Do it!

catfunk · 07/03/2023 07:51

How did you get on with your new ground rules @shade78 ?

Dudum · 07/03/2023 08:13

"DC4 is 11, DC3 is 16, DC2 is 22 and works a later shift (pm) DC1 is 26 and lives away. I work from 7am until 2.30pm.
The night before, everyone gets their own uniform ready and laid out, packed lunches are done and bags packed. In the morning, I leave at 6am. DC2 gets a wake up call at 7.30am, then it is up to them DC2 will wake up DC3 and DC4 and make sure DC4 is ready and gets to school.
OP your DC are copying your DH. If he doesn't treat you with respect, they won't 💐"

🤣🤣 fucking 22 years old and getting a wake up call. And you think you've not babied these "DCs". They are adults not children. Fuck me

Madmanc · 07/03/2023 08:43

Why on earth would you ever have allowed that behaviour in the first place?! So ridiculous. No wonder your DH doesn’t get involved, neither would I.
Have a chat in the evening & say you realise you have been silly running around after them & things are changing immediately. Tell them from now on they will be getting up & sorting themselves out. Don’t expect them to be great from the start they will probably struggle as you have done everything for them.
To just go out & leave them to it would be unfair when you have obviously encouraged it & shown that to be normal behaviour. Good luck.

Jumpmom1 · 07/03/2023 09:17

Do it! And please come back and tell us what happened.

CrazyLadie · 07/03/2023 09:26

NeverTrustAPoliceman · 05/03/2023 19:49

When mine were in primary a mum actually warned the school her son might not be in for the next couple of days as she was fed up with all that nonsense.

She set a deadline to leave the house, he wasn't ready so he missed school. He sat at home with a ban on screens all day. One day was enough, he sorted himself out after that.

Am I the only one here who doesn't understand cleaning teeth on the sofa?

No you are not, I get on at my son for not standing at the sink and dancing about getting toothpaste everywhere

CrazyLadie · 07/03/2023 09:31

MissingMoominMamma · 05/03/2023 20:13

My mum used to squeeze a wet flannel over my head if I didn’t get up when my alarm went off.

Those were the days!

My Dad used to dribble very very very cold water over yer face, ya didn't wanna stay in bed after that 🤣🤣 ah the joys of growing up in the 80's

HelpINeedSomeAdvicePlease · 07/03/2023 09:35

My son always made us late to get him to school and his siblings would then end up being late too, I was getting more and more frustrated.

In the end I had a really good conversation with his head of year at school.

They agreed that I could leave him at home if he wasn't ready, get his siblings to school, and then go back for him, and that he'd have to face the consequences at school.

We did this twice over the first week and he was about 20 minutes late on each occasion. School then dealt with it. This really worked and he stopped being late.

You need school involved!

diddl · 07/03/2023 09:36

I leave at 6am. DC2 gets a wake up call at 7.30am, then it is up to them DC2 will wake up DC3 and DC4 and make sure DC4 is ready and gets to school.

11 & 16 is plenty old enough to get themselves up & ready without involving the 22yr old!

Let him lie in if he's done a late shift!

FamilyLife2point4 · 07/03/2023 09:49

At 9 and 10 they can do chores, clean room, put a washing on, cook basics in micro etc. but you are running back and forth trying to get them dressed? No, just no. You’ve created a rod for your own back, only you can break it.

get up, get out, leave ‘em to it!

Givemethereins · 07/03/2023 10:34

Where's your husband in all this? Why does he get to cop out of responsibility. And why is everyone heaping all the mum guilt/responsibility/stress onto the mum ? He sounds like a major area of stress for you. That is a horrible place to be on the brink of an argument the whole time. Yes start the conversation with the kids. Tell them what you expect them to do and ask them how to solve the morning problem and come up with solutions themselves. They can be part of the change in a positive way if you ask them to problem solve it hopefully.
But I would first start with your husband. You guys need to have a serious talk. He needs to know how you feel and how the tension makes you feel and ask him if he is OK with it or how does he feel.

Dudum · 07/03/2023 11:22

"11 & 16 is plenty old enough to get themselves up & ready without involving the 22yr old!"

The 22 year old child at that 🤣. Can't believe that was written with a straight face tbh

Alice786 · 07/03/2023 11:26

I think you're being too soft on them. I have to be like an army sargent in the morning, shouting out instructions if they are being lazy as there's no time to let them mess around. The earlier they understand waking up and getting ready for school is not negotiable the better for everyone. Mine are young still so they need some help getting ready but as they get older I expect them to do it themselves.

xmaswiththeinlaws · 07/03/2023 11:39

My 15 year old got a detention this morning (for the first time) because she didn't get her act together and we left 15 minutes later than usual, then hit unexpected roadworks. Despite my best efforts she was still late. I am hoping she will heed my advice to not mess about in the mornings in future. Sometimes they have to learn the hard way.