Has anyone ever snuck out in the morning

[shade78]

I'm dreading it already, I do everything for everyone in the morning. I even fetch clothes for the children to dress under the covers and run back and forth with a toothbrush while they sit on the sofa. I get nothing but terse crap off my husband and it feels like we are always on the edge of a row. Kids snap back at me when asked to do something basic and can spend 40 mins lying in bed while the clock ticks down and I'm so stressed I can barely hold it in. It is truly awful and I hate it after 5 years we have still not got it together in the morning. I always start with a happy good morning to everyone and I'm just run down after hours of this crap. AIBU to just get up and go to work, I'm sure they would all wake up at 9.30 with an ohh shit moment. Has anyone done this? Thank you I'm desperate.

What on earth is their dad doing? Presumably he wouldn’t get up if not for you either?

My 10 year old would smell pretty bad after a day at school then sports club, if he’d got dressed under the duvet with no shower or deodorant!

New routine from tomorrow!

also mildly disappointed that this isn’t a thread of one night anecdotes

OP I agree with what others have said here but the crucial thing is you have to be prepared to let them fall without you swooping in at the last minute to make it all work. So they miss the ride to school or they make it but without lunch or socks or something. So be it. Let them deal with the natural consequences which are their problem not yours.

i would definitely recommend leaving for work early, but warning them first that you’re going to be doing it. I’m often not around in the mornings and my 9 year old gets herself ready and makes her packed lunch. I expect her to get her uniform out of the cupboard too.
They are all more capable than you think if they have to be!

I have only recently realised A good day is one prepared the night before.. this is not a criticism- just my own reality and realisation after facing similar harrowing mornings from motherland!

New routine needed before you literally blow a gasket / stress burn out

Encourage -bribe - whatever to get children to adopt new behaviours

lay school clothes and lay them out ready to put on in the morning..
tooth brush in bathroom- play favourite song ( take turns if siblings bicker)

lunches made night before- bags packed

In this example, what responsibilities are the DC taking? It sounds an awful lot like a variation of OPs morning but less chaotic as you’ve done it all the night before.

Why are you running around doing everything for them?

Not a gloat but i work meaning the kids (7, 7 and 9) and I leave together in morning. The kids eat at the table, wash, dress, brush teeth/hair, pack their bags etc From they were 6 they also empty the dishwasher, feed dog (I supervise) and lift everything off floors so the robot hoover can do her work. One does top rack of dishwasher, one bottom and the other the cutlery. We’re not anyway perfect and some mornings are stressful and there are raised voices but no way would I be moddlecollying them.

I do everything for everyone in the morning. I even fetch clothes for the children to dress under the covers and run back and forth with a toothbrush while they sit on the sofa.

On the off chance that this is true: you're supposed to prepare your children for life and adulthood.

You're a bit parent not a servant.

Don't know where bit came from

Not all kids are the same…..my 14 year old wouldn’t stink doing that, never mind my younger kids. I, however, would for sure!

We had similar with our youngest when he was 13. Just expected us to coax and hurry him along. So stressful. In the end I woke him and left him to it.

He missed the bus a lot in those first few weeks and had a long walk to the train to get in. He was also very late and had to explain himself.

He's still the laziest human I know, but It worked.

You need to stop this morning nonsense and start behaving like a women who doesn't take shit from anyone.

Stop running around like a scalded earwig with clothes for the children to get dressed under the covers.
Stop running back and forth with their toothbrushes from sofa to bathroom.

Set an alarm in the morning.

Bang on their doors, stalk in, open their curtains, and tell them it's time to get up. Their clothes can be left out the night before - by the children. They can dress themselves. Then they can brush their teeth either before or after breakfast. If the house is cold, then it behoves the children to dress fast.

Meanwhile, you sit down and have a cup of coffee and get prepared for your day.

It's up to the children to get up and dressed and downstairs in time and be ready to leave for school when it's time to leave. If they're not ready then they can absorb the consequences of being late.

Do not do any more of the running after them ever again. They are treating you like shit because your behaviour is that of someone who has lost every scrap of her self respect and has no expectations whatsoever of age appropriate behaviour from her children.

They are 9 and 10 fgs. You are treating them as if they were 2 or 3. You are doing nobody a favour here.

You’ve been running around doing everything for them for 10 years and you think the way to change things is to simply tell them you’re leaving at 7:30 and see what happens? Your kids seem to have lacked proper parenting for their entire lives and you aren’t proposing changing that.

You need to engage with them. Giving in and just doing things (as you seem to have been doing) isn’t good for them, and simply telling them and leaving them to it isn’t good for them either, especially if you haven’t taken the time yet to show them how to do it well. You (or DH - who seems to be even more checked out?) need to be up with them, chivvying them along and reminding’ helping them out where they struggle (helping them out, not doing it for them) until they get it and can do it themselves. You need to be modeling good behaviour, asking them to behave well, praising them when they do and reminding them what they should be doing when they don’t.

It might take a bit of sternness at the start, but also a lot of praise because of the shit you’ve been doing up to now and the way that will have lead them to expect it to happen that way. Breaking habits and norms is hard. A sit down talk telling them things have not been good and how they’re going to change would be a huge help in resetting expectations. But the idea is to have a happy home life where people talk to each other, get on with stuff and help each other out. Not one where you’re a skivvy running around doing everything nor where you’re a sergeant major barking orders and expecting them to be followed.

They've clearly been managing without mummy running after them in school all these years. Their learned helplessness exists only at home, and imo it's probably wrecking their self esteem.

Best to assume they can manage in school and will manage at home, and aim for a very quick adaptation to the new expectations.

@shade78 I too used to get stressed. Then I discovered that if you prep everything the night before & tell everyone that as of tomorrow you'll be departing on the school run at x time exactly, and all kit/equipment/.books/homework needs to be checked by themselves tonight then anyone not dressed/ready & sat in the car at x - 2 minutes etc can come to school in their pjs, If they get into trouble at school for being late (this I know depends on school) they'll be in the car ready.

Why can't a 9 and 10 year old dress themselves and brush their teeth? My DC can almost do this and he's not even 2 yet!!

Blimey, this is a wonderful example of making a rod for your own back. Husband and children have groomed you into being their slave. Stop it now. Clothes can be laid out the night before and children told not to leave their rooms until they are dressed in them. While they are doing this you or husband (he needs a role) can prepare breakfast. Dressed children can then come down, sit at table & eat, then back up to clean their teeth. None of this lounging in bed or on the sofa. You’ve got to establish the new routine, explaining to everyone that they need to be ready to leave the house at X o’clock.

This sentence is so true

Their learned helplessness exists only at home, and imo it's probably wrecking their self esteem.

It will be failure to launch in a few years time.

There are always extremes on mn. Those children who at 10 can’t even make a cup of tea as the parents wrap them in silk and don’t allow them to fail, thus creating ineffective adults. Or there are children who at 10 can make a three course meal from scratch & take them self on a train solo to Paris for the holidays

Gosh, how do I make that happen? It would be so nice to have a meal cooked for me for once! 😆

You reap what you sow. Either you're a doormat or this is a wind-up!

What are you doing?? no! just no! I know its easier for you to just do it but you really need to stop, to make your life easier in the long run. In my house we have 5 ranging for 4-17 they get up (if they are on a go slow i just keep going on until they are up) have breakfast (because who wants cereal on uniform) get dressed and brush teeth, sort out books for bags etc, all of them do it. If they choose not to they start losing stuff, screen time etc. To be honest i think if mine were laying in bed 40 mins after they are told to get up i'd be telling them they're obviously to tired and can go to bed 40 mins earlier tonight to see if that helps.

You let them get dressed under the bed covers… what on earth? When do they wash? And brush their teeth on the sofa..? I’m not sure this is even true, but if it is for god sake get a grip and sort things out! What are you teaching your kids about life skills?