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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Has anyone ever snuck out in the morning

226 replies

shade78 · 05/03/2023 19:16

I'm dreading it already, I do everything for everyone in the morning. I even fetch clothes for the children to dress under the covers and run back and forth with a toothbrush while they sit on the sofa. I get nothing but terse crap off my husband and it feels like we are always on the edge of a row. Kids snap back at me when asked to do something basic and can spend 40 mins lying in bed while the clock ticks down and I'm so stressed I can barely hold it in. It is truly awful and I hate it after 5 years we have still not got it together in the morning. I always start with a happy good morning to everyone and I'm just run down after hours of this crap. AIBU to just get up and go to work, I'm sure they would all wake up at 9.30 with an ohh shit moment. Has anyone done this? Thank you I'm desperate.

OP posts:

Randomhead · 05/03/2023 21:19

Without being rude. Surely as a parent their behaviour is your fault. Why on Earth are you doing these martyr acts?

and ditch the husband

DidyouNO · 05/03/2023 21:22

They clean their teeth on the sofa?? Toothpaste stains!! What is this madness 😂No electronics before school is the rule in our house. Far too distracting. In my house You get your breakfast yourself and rinse your bowl/plate. They help empty the dishwasher then get sent up to clean their teeth, wash and dress. Our job as parents is not to mollycoddle our children as much as we want to. It's to help them become the best adults they can be.

Delphigirl · 05/03/2023 21:22

I haven’t made any of my 4 kids breakfast on a weekday since the youngest was six. I have never delivered uniform (or toothbrushes) to their room. Nor do/did I wake them up. They always got up, got dressed, ate breakfast, sorted school bags by themselves. My role is hollering “Are you up?” 10mins after they should be up and “Have you brushed your teeth?” before they go out to the car/ bus. The answer to the first is always yes. The answer to the second is sometimes no, so they go and do it.
mid they don’t have the right games kit/instrument/book/homework in their bag they will get in trouble at school, so they always have it. How will your kids ever learn any responsibility? And why do you put up with such disrespect?

Bemyclementine · 05/03/2023 21:30

This is bonkers. They should be sble to get up, wee, wash, teeth, dressed. Downstairs for breakfast. Done. At that age it could take them as little as 15 minutes! New routine needed. Tell them, this uis what is happening starting tomorrow

Reddahlias · 05/03/2023 21:31

I'm not a fan of boarding schools but at least children learn to become independent! This parental involvement is ridiculous imo

Adrelaxzz · 05/03/2023 21:33

What the fuck am I reading.
You and your dick of a DH are creating monsters.
It stops now.
My now 12 year old has been cooking dinner once a week since she was in year 6. I haven't dressed them since they were five. Why are you letting this happen?

Fireflies23 · 05/03/2023 21:33

List of new routine/rules starting from tomorrow…..
If you don’t work ,start working they will have to be more independent then!

Nsky62 · 05/03/2023 21:49

Supervise young children to get dressed, not under covers tho!

Owlatnight · 05/03/2023 21:49

They might all be night owls who struggle to get up. Maybe they should all go to bed earlier until they can get up properly

letthemalldoone · 05/03/2023 21:50

Oh god, stop that right now!!

My eldest two were 7 and 5 when I had my third, was breastfeeding DS before going to work every morning, and getting them all out of the house on my own as DH worked further away then and had already left for work!

Now I did work with a woman once who used to dress her 6 year old in his cot (yes!!) and give him his bottle... one day she turned up for work at nearly lunchtime. Child had spilled his bottle on his school trousers, so she had had to wash and tumbledry them before taking him to school!!! Turned out though, god love her, she was seriously, seriously mentally unwell.

Your H needs a good, hard metaphorical kick up the hole too!!

FancyFanny · 05/03/2023 21:55

How on earth did you get into this odd scenario? I would have lost my shit and the DCs would be up, breakfast, teeth brushed and getting themselves ready for school. Why would you even contemplate bringing their toothbrushes to the sofa for them? How bizarre!

Reinventinganna · 05/03/2023 22:02

This is so bizarre. You have created lazy and rude children and you are pandering to them.
They are not babies so stop tolerating this shit show each morning.

What do they do when you aren’t there? (If on holiday, in hospital etc).

maddiemookins16mum · 05/03/2023 22:04

Please tell me they’re not male children? Because unfortunately you’re setting up any future female partners to also be treated like shit.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 05/03/2023 22:05

I do everything for everyone in the morning. I even fetch clothes for the children to dress under the covers and run back and forth with a toothbrush while they sit on the sofa.

What!?

Why the hell would you do this?

Teach your children to look after themselves. And tell your DH to do one.

ivykaty44 · 05/03/2023 22:07

You tell them that the night before they need to get everything ready

you explain they need to be on time, if not you’ll be gone

then at the time you’ve stated - leave the house ready or not GO

Marchforward · 05/03/2023 22:12

shade78 · 05/03/2023 20:27

Thank you I’m formulating a better plan, thanks to the advice on here. You are right, it won’t solve the problem but I will say I’m the car leaving at 7.30, you are or you aren’t!

You can’t expected children who you have babied to suddenly be able to get themselves up and dressed without someone you know actually parenting them and teaching them what they need to do.

JustJamie5 · 05/03/2023 22:23

I’ve only skim read the replies but…..the more you do for people, the more they’ll let you do (partners, kids, work colleagues!).

No one will die if you step back a bit….. and you could say it’s for their own good, when your kids grow up they’ll eventually need to work, feed themselves, do all that wonderful adult stuff. You’re not been mean by stepping back, you’re developing them and stopping them (partner included!) from getting deskilled.

Schopfitzer · 05/03/2023 22:23

Random thought, but my experience of getting dressed under the covers is that it's something you do when it's too fucking freezing to get dressed outside of the bed. If the OP is struggling to heat her house, don't make her feel worse about this.

qpmz · 05/03/2023 22:27

Ndd135632 · 05/03/2023 19:33

How will your kids manage on their first day at work OP? This is learnt behaviour and you taught them.

The kids have two parents, it's not just the OP.

CrosswordConundrum · 05/03/2023 22:29

Yesmate · 05/03/2023 19:21

Getting dressed under the covers and brushing their teeth on the sofa. No way.
Give them a list. Step by step to getting ready for school. They follow it or lose their iPad, TV time, sport, gaming etc. whatever they love. They don’t get it until they shape up!

Exactly right.

BadNomad · 05/03/2023 22:32

Do they not get washed before they get dressed? Or have I been doing life wrong 😳

coronafiona · 05/03/2023 22:33

Hide the remotes and turn off the wifi. It will focus their minds

Carouselfish · 05/03/2023 22:46

Agree with @MargaretThursday Give them warning that it changes from tomorrow morning and you are not joking. Then it's on them. Otherwise, a bit unfair.

PollyPut · 05/03/2023 22:50

@shade78 I can't see why they are dressing in bed (unless it's cold) but if they insist, then they can put their clothes on their bed the night before. Sofa? Is the TV on?

I've threatened to take my children to school in pyjamas before now if they didn't get ready!

You need to make it clear that this is not happening. Put music on somewhere, maybe that will help them jump out of bed. Make them a favourite breakfast but tell them they need to be down early enough to eat it or you can't do it again. scrambled eggs on toast are quick, warm and filling?

toomuchlaundry · 05/03/2023 22:52

What time do you have to leave? What does your DH do in the morning?

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