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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Has anyone ever snuck out in the morning

226 replies

shade78 · 05/03/2023 19:16

I'm dreading it already, I do everything for everyone in the morning. I even fetch clothes for the children to dress under the covers and run back and forth with a toothbrush while they sit on the sofa. I get nothing but terse crap off my husband and it feels like we are always on the edge of a row. Kids snap back at me when asked to do something basic and can spend 40 mins lying in bed while the clock ticks down and I'm so stressed I can barely hold it in. It is truly awful and I hate it after 5 years we have still not got it together in the morning. I always start with a happy good morning to everyone and I'm just run down after hours of this crap. AIBU to just get up and go to work, I'm sure they would all wake up at 9.30 with an ohh shit moment. Has anyone done this? Thank you I'm desperate.

OP posts:
MrsRosieBrew · 05/03/2023 19:35

There’s no way I’d be hand delivering clothes so people could dress under the duvet and as for delivering toothbrushes to the sofa… just no. I think you have to put your foot down and teach them how to be independent because this is encouraging laziness.

namejump · 05/03/2023 19:36

Do you wipe their arses too?

Cosmos123 · 05/03/2023 19:36

Get them to lay clothes out the night before.

Get them an alarm.clock.

They just need to be retrained after being completely spoiled.

Can be achieved though.

Unananana · 05/03/2023 19:37

Utterly ridiculous. If this is real, its an indicative of the reason some kids turn into adults that are so entitled and oblivious to the real world. They are also emotionally fragile as they have never had to fend for themselves.

You are doing them no favours.

Theunamedcat · 05/03/2023 19:38

Just tell them they need to get ready themselves tomorrow

Then play knock door run in the morning

Personally I have alexa scream at them for an alarm (try the grand tour alarm call) mine do have sen so lots of verbal promps such as the time is x you have y minutes for your bus etc but handing them toothbrushes...no I might pass ds clothing if I'm stood in his room and he says please but that's it

MrsRR1 · 05/03/2023 19:38

My 8 year old gets up to his alarm. Makes his bed, opens his blinds, gets himself dressed cleans his teeth.
If he doesn't want to wait until breakfast club he will make his breakfast himself. I thought this was pretty standard because I did this when I was young but I have been told it really isn't. He is a morning person though whereas I am really not but from a young age we would get ready together in the mornings, for example I'd clean his teeth then mine and he would watch the 2 min timer for me. He would get dressed in my room sometimes so he could have a chat then go downstairs amd watch TV while I finished getting ready for work myself.
Could you maybe try to adjust the routine gradually? If its always been the same way would a sudden disappearance from you make a difference?
Reward chart worked a treat, would that work do you think?
I was a single parent at the time so didn't have help but forced myself to have a good morning and bedtime routine to try and make life easier.
I am expecting now and and under no illusion that what I did first time round will work again! My husband is very hands on though.
I hope you find a solution soon

Cosmos123 · 05/03/2023 19:38

As well as self care they need to contribute to household chores in the morning.

Lay the breakfast.

Put dirty dishes away.

Empty the bin etc

Noicant · 05/03/2023 19:38

In case this is real, I’d give everyone warning the night before that they are on their own with getting sorted in the morning. Then leave them all to it, just leave the house so no-one can hassle you. Tell them you’ve take up jogging and go for a nice stroll and listen to a podcast.

TomatoSandwiches · 05/03/2023 19:40

Just stop, stop it all, they are old enough to do it themselves, they sound ungrateful and spoilt.

Tomorrow, get yourself up and go to work like you don't have children.

When they get home and they moan or kick off tell them you've had enough of their poor attitude.

You are mum, not a fucking maid!

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 05/03/2023 19:41

Why on earth are you doing all this?

AlwaysLatte · 05/03/2023 19:42

Get them an alarm.clock.
I got mine Echo Dots which help - they can set them for weekdays. Plus a bonus if they're up in good time we'll make them egg in a nest or pancakes.
Also, they really don't like the school buses so they know if they're up in good time DH or I will take them.

Thepossibility · 05/03/2023 19:43

My kids are 10 and 9 and no fucking way would I be putting up with that shit. I do get their clothes out the night before usually, if I forget then they know where they are. Besides that it's all up to them and they know there will be hell to pay if they aren't ready to go when I pick up those car keys.
Consequences would include very tense ride in the car discussing their screen ban.
I do pander to my 3 yo in the way you describe though.

Reddahlias · 05/03/2023 19:43

Text your husband, “your turn to get the kids ready today”.

No! Nobody other than the 9 and 10 year olds themselves get ready!

And no, you don't need to go to work.

Your children need to take some responsibility

Reddahlias · 05/03/2023 19:44

At age 10 my parents didn't get my clothes out for me!

Botheredland · 05/03/2023 19:46

I read it as the op has HER toothbrush in her mouth brushing her teeth whilst running and back and forth with things for the DC

NeverTrustAPoliceman · 05/03/2023 19:49

When mine were in primary a mum actually warned the school her son might not be in for the next couple of days as she was fed up with all that nonsense.

She set a deadline to leave the house, he wasn't ready so he missed school. He sat at home with a ban on screens all day. One day was enough, he sorted himself out after that.

Am I the only one here who doesn't understand cleaning teeth on the sofa?

Suzi888 · 05/03/2023 19:52

MamOfFive · 05/03/2023 19:17

How old are they? why are they getting dressed under the covers? Tell them to get out of bed and get dressed ffs.

Is getting dressed under the covers a thing at any age? I don’t have time for that shit.

Just stop. If it’s easier, lay the clothes out, make the lunch boxes and 100% go to work! Get a Costa - whatever.

gazpachosoupday · 05/03/2023 19:52

I thought I was being a pushover with reminding DS (10) every night to make sure he has his everything ready for the next morning

Jellycatspyjamas · 05/03/2023 19:53

Why are they lying in bed watching the clock - tell them to get up and get going. It seems like you think you either have to do it all or do nothing - my two are similar ages, I wake them, lay their clothes out and they do the rest, no screens or tv until they are completely ready to go including breakfast and teeth brushed.

OnlyFannys · 05/03/2023 19:53

My 6 year old is perfectly able to get up after I open his curtains and brush his teeth then make his breakfast and get himself dressed while I get ready for work so I'm quite shocked you are putting up with this. They only do it because you enable it, you need to be much firmer

TrashyPanda · 05/03/2023 19:54

Why did you ever allow them to behave like this?

time to stop.

they arent little kids.

they are more than old enough to get themselves dressed.

you are doing them no favours by letting them behave like this.

do they do anything to help around the house? Clear the table, put away their clothes etc?

Mykittensmittens · 05/03/2023 19:54

I used to have such a stressful morning - alone Mon/Fri and 2 DC who have/had to be asked 50 times to clean their teeth.

they both take a phone to school. Last thing at night I flick the wifi off. Gadgets are charged in my spare room/office. No one is allowed to grab a gadget/phone/go online the next day till everything is done including bags in halls, lunchboxes packed away, teeth, hair, glasses downstairs and in the dishwasher, bed made etc. I start work early so I’m usually in that room and any attempt to remove a gadget is met with a simple ‘do what you need to do, before what you want to do’ - no one argues any more. At 8.30 I go to the door, and at 8.35 I leave. They get one warning I’m going. If they are not in the car they don’t get taken.

it’s hardline but as I explain to them, there is no one to tell me to get my work bag together or clean my teeth, I just have to do it!

Jellycatspyjamas · 05/03/2023 19:58

‘do what you need to do, before what you want to do’

This is my mantra too, drives my kids crazy but they need to learn to be responsible as far as possible (one with complex needs but still can get herself ready in the morning).

venusandmars · 05/03/2023 19:59

At 9 &10 involve them in creating their own plan for the morning. With timings attached for everything. If they can stick to it then agree a big reward.

And absoloutely NO sitting on the sofa / phones / tablets / TV until everything on their list is done.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 05/03/2023 19:59

Botheredland · 05/03/2023 19:46

I read it as the op has HER toothbrush in her mouth brushing her teeth whilst running and back and forth with things for the DC

I mean, that's no less ridiculous lol.