Has anyone ever snuck out in the morning

[shade78]

I'm dreading it already, I do everything for everyone in the morning. I even fetch clothes for the children to dress under the covers and run back and forth with a toothbrush while they sit on the sofa. I get nothing but terse crap off my husband and it feels like we are always on the edge of a row. Kids snap back at me when asked to do something basic and can spend 40 mins lying in bed while the clock ticks down and I'm so stressed I can barely hold it in. It is truly awful and I hate it after 5 years we have still not got it together in the morning. I always start with a happy good morning to everyone and I'm just run down after hours of this crap. AIBU to just get up and go to work, I'm sure they would all wake up at 9.30 with an ohh shit moment. Has anyone done this? Thank you I'm desperate.

My boys are 9 and 12.
On my office days I leave the house at 7:15 and they manage all by themselves .
Can’t you fake some sort of appointment for which you really need to leave the house this early?
I’ve often seen that leaving them in charge, giving back the responsibility, leads to better results😊

I would tell them you are going to the school to inform the headteacher they cant be bothered to get ready for school 😀 Carry it out if nothing changes. By 10 and 9 they should be able to get dressed/breakfast/teeth without any fuss in the morning (pre-school kids/just starting school you always expect abit of a fuss). There’s always abit of a rush/shouting to put shoes on etc as its time to leave, but they really shouldn’t be driving you to that level of stress.

Just a suggestion (sorry if already been suggested): a wall chart telling them to eat breakfast, get dressed, brush teeth, watch tv last if theres time. It probably shouldn’t be needed by now, but if they’ve got into this routine (with you running yourself ragged) something has to change.

Also, your 10 year old isnt that far off starting secondary - they may need to get the bus alot earlier than you currently leave for primary school, so best to get them into a good routine as quick as possible.

Either get up and go to work or pull a serious sickie - you can't even speak or think sickie. I dream of breaking both legs just for the fetching/thinking for everyone rest.

Honestly, you are the one creating problems. At what point are you expecting them to become fully functions people? Treating them like this is doing them no favours, they need to be able to do their own tasks and at their ages should be doing a lot more than just getting dressed and brushing their teeth.
I can't believe you have got yourself in a situation where you take the toothbrush to them, it really is crazy.

Yeah l'm struggling to believe it too

Prep everything with them night before - get them to lay out uniforms, get them to put cereal bowls out before bed and pack bags and make their own pack lunches and shoes by feont door with coats. Then you wake them and do a countdown every 10mins. If they arnt ready then that night they go to bed 20mins early as they ob need more sleep if they can't get up. No tv or devices in morning unless they are ready.

It probably is. I once had a friend like this.

Would walk from the kitchen to the lounge to pick up her kids drinks from the table and take them to them and wait until they'd finish and put them back. All whilst they watched tv whilst eating.

They treated her like shit.

OP just do it. Say you aren't running around after them and will leave for work at X time. Then leave at that time.

They are far far too old for this.

This is my morning 😀 I always say ‘breakfast now or never’ along with ‘Mummy will be sacked if im late and there will be no holidays or treats’ 🤣

Why on earth are they cleaning their teeth in the sofa?! How lazy. Where do they spit and rinse?.

WTF? This can't be real. No one parents this way. Is this a Joke?

I had mine dressed in school uniform themselves, at least starting to learn how to dress themselves at aged 5, breakfast eaten, school bags ready themselves, and ready to go, shoes on and coats ready, and only then were they allowed to watch tv, until I said it was time to go.
Put in some basic parenting foundations. Why on earth haven't you done any of the basics, of basic parenting, up until this point?

You have got to manage this situation or you are going to be broken by the time that they are teenagers. Tell them the night before that the new regime starts on Monday and you expect them to manage themselves which includes, teeth cleaned, getting dressed and school bags packed. Anybody snaps back then its a loss of privileges until they understand that rudeness has consequences. Where is your DH in all of this?

Good grief. How on earth did you get into this situation?

dressing under the covers? What about having a wash first?

Brushing teeth on the sofa? How do they spit it out?

at those ages they should be getting up, showered and dressed after being woken or using an alarm.

thye could get their own breakfasts but I tended to do it to minimise mess! Tooth brushing should be done at a sink - ideally in a bathroom.

there is no reason that you should be treating them like this. You are doing them absolutely no favours in the long run.

surely this a joke post! Can’t possible be true. Who lives like that

You're a mug OP. My 6 and 9 year olds have been dressing themselves and cleaning their own teeth (with supervision as they're quite often shit at it) for years. Why are you running around after them like this? You've only got yourself to blame.
Tell them to get on with it - give them a list with timings to start with if needs be.
I can't actually even believe this is real. How can they get dressed under the covers - don't they wash their face and armpits in the morning? Disgusting.

I’ve put YABU because why the hell are you doing all this for them? You bring them a toothbrush to the sofa? Definitely stop, save your sanity!

Jesus why have you even started this? How are you teaching them to be independent people one day. My kids have only just turned 7 and 5 (we have a toddler too) the older 2 are slowly doing more and more for themselves, granted I still lay their clothes out when at school, but getting up, washed, dressed, hair done is on them. They know what time they need to be ready for and apart from a bit of nagging some days do pretty well at getting ready.

You need to stop doing everything for them, leaving for work early and leaving them to it is a good start.

So your husband talks to you like shit & your kids treat you like shit?

Yes I'd be leaving them to it.

What are the chances that they'll get up & get on for their dad?

My kid was like this for most of primary. Now she is at secondary and I don’t get involved at all in mornings. She has never missed the bus in three years. I was there when she needed help (we suck at mornings) and now she is older, she’s doing just fine. FOR US the right thing to do was for me to ‘run around like an idiot’ and do whatever it took to get her to school.

I’m not saying this to belittle your struggles - I’d have been bloody pissed off off if I’d had a partner sat on their arse and they’d have likely been pissed off I was doing everything - but to prove it’s not ‘a rod for your own back’ as I imagine many people are saying. Kids do well when they can, and often still need help with things they can sometimes do. I CAN do everything, but boy do I feel loved when someone does something for me. Partners I can’t comment on. I decided resenting one who wasn’t pulling their weight was more damaging than going it alone. And that was right FOR US too.

I’d take a collaborative problem solving approach. (Look us Ross Greene) with the kids. The partner doesn’t respect your time or effort and so may or may not continue to be a problem. Is it the effort or the resentment that’s draining you? (I think it would be really unfair on your kids to just leave them to it with no warning. They’re kids)

They get an alarm clock and are given a time to be ready and downstairs for. End of. Works here since they were about 8 and we've had very very few mornings with stress, now they hurry me along!

op just stop doing everything for them , tell them to get dressed . They will have to get out of bed to get their clothes .
tell them to go to the bathroom to brush teeth .it will be hard at first but stop doing it like this it’s not helping anyone and your dc are going to grow up so bloody entitled.

wake them up half an hour earlier but don’t tell them. My kids have no idea what time it is in the morning and when I started waking them up at 7 instead of half past everything went much smoother!

DH gets the clothes ready the night before for my 9 year old and he gets dressed. Odd nag about eating his breakfast and a request to brush his teeth, but thats it. He's normal and its a normal routine. yours sounds crazy, why have they been allowed to get so lazy

My 3 (nearly 4) year old is able to choose his clothes and get dressed quickly in the morning before being dropped to nursery (DH takes him on his way to work so is time pressured). Yes he needs a bit of prompting here and there and one of us does his teeth (in the bathroom!). But if he's capable then surely a 9 and 10 year old are!

Nobody. It's a wind up.
Bringing them toothbrushes on the sofa. Nope.