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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL knowingly took DD out in her pjs

485 replies

pollydolly09 · 05/03/2023 09:56

DD (2years) normally spends one day of the week with SIL. The night before she had spent at my mums who didn't have any clothes for her to get her dressed in the morning, but knew SIL had some as she checked with her beforehand.

Later in the day, SIL posted a picture of DD in a coffee shop. DD was in her pjs. I asked SIL why she was still in pjs and she said she didn't know she wasn't dressed when she picked her up as she already had her coat on and they went out straight away.

I asked my mum what happened during pick up. She said she apologised for not getting DD dressed in the morning, she didn't have any spare clothes but knew SIL did so thought she would get DD ready before taking her out.

So either my mum is lying or SIL is.

Besides the point, you can tell what a child is wearing underneath their coat. DD's coat goes to just above her thighs. SIL would have been able to see her pj bottoms.

Mentioned this to DH who said he'd speak to SIL, but I don't think he has yet otherwise he would have informed me of the outcome of her conversation.

I've also now made a point of getting DD fully dressed before she goes to SIL. DH normally drops her off first thing, before she's even had breakfast, so she isn't dressed as SIL will dress her before going out (well I thought so anyway).

So AIBU to think that SIL knew DD was in her pjs and took her out anyway?

This happened a week ago, but I can't get it off my mind. I don't know if I should just let it go, but it just makes me so angry that my poor baby was taken out looking unkempt.

OP posts:
Newstartonwards · 05/03/2023 11:10

I don’t have a DH, I don’t have a DM or a D sis

bugger me - be grateful

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 05/03/2023 11:11

This sounds exactly the sort of thing Denise from The Royle Family would have said. I never could watch an episode of that programme without shouting at the TV, "look after your kid yourself" at the TV.

Crunchymum · 05/03/2023 11:11

I assume your SIL has told a wee fib (as opposed to an out and out lie) but in the grand scheme of things you need to decide if this is worth the aggro it could cause.

If I gave up a day a week to have my niece and got "pulled up" on this, I'd be withdrawing my services 😑

Pick your battles wisely.

Strawberrydelight78 · 05/03/2023 11:13

She's only two I don't think anyone will notice. As long as she's warm she won't care. But your mum could have washed her clothes.

Cadburysucks · 05/03/2023 11:13

No one cares, I would think it’s quite cute.

JennyJenny8675309 · 05/03/2023 11:14

Why are you looking for trouble?

Xol · 05/03/2023 11:15

This happened a week ago, but I can't get it off my mind. I don't know if I should just let it go, but it just makes me so angry that my poor baby was taken out looking unkempt.

A child in a coat above pyjama bottoms doesn't look unkempt. The chances are that anyone seeing her just thought they were normal trousers.

And if your 2 year old never looks unkempt when out and about, you're a miracle worker. Most children of that age get food all over their faces in restaurants, and get scruffy running around and playing.

Monster80 · 05/03/2023 11:16

You seem to have a wonderful childcare support system, I would focus on that, maybe get DD ready as you would like before dropping her?

Verbena17 · 05/03/2023 11:16

@pollydolly09 why was your DD at your mum’s the night before without any clothes to put on the following day? 🤔 Thats surely 100% down to you! Who sends their 2yr old child on a sleepover with their Nana without an overnight bag of stuff for the next day?

You have these family members helping with your childcare and choose to blame your SIL for taking your toddler out in her PJ’s….which are clothes! She had a coat on.
Next time, maybe make sure you supply adequate clothing for your SIL and then it won’t be an issue.

BlueHeelers · 05/03/2023 11:16

YABU.

MadeofElephantStone · 05/03/2023 11:16

UdoU · 05/03/2023 10:59

You should be kissing the ground your SIL walks on for having your dd once a week.

Don’t be so ungrateful.

I hope she realises you/DH are CFs and stops the free babysitting/childcard.

This. YABU. I recently took my 6 YO godchild out for the day in their PJ's. My friend dropped them off in their pyjamas as it was late and forgot to pack clothes in their overnight bag. Friend was at an event all day the following day and I had no access to clothes for GC. I didn't think it was worth missing out on the whole day of fun I had planned for them, so we still went to the zoo, park, lunch etc. Said child thought it was hilarious and had a great time regardless. It's really a non-issue if it was a one off thing.

mangoontoast · 05/03/2023 11:17

Strawberrydelight78 · 05/03/2023 11:13

She's only two I don't think anyone will notice. As long as she's warm she won't care. But your mum could have washed her clothes.

I assume this is a joke?

Xol · 05/03/2023 11:17

pollydolly09 · 05/03/2023 10:18

😂😂😂😂 these responses are SAVAGE.

It isn't about my child being in her pjs, it's about the fact that my SIL lied.

If she said oh I didn't realise it was a big problem then I wouldn't have been so annoyed.

I actually get along very well with my ILs and appreciate I'm very lucky to have the support I do from family.

Thanks everyone for your brutal honesty.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves thanks for putting it more nicely

But you said that what was making you angry was that your child looked unkempt, and also that you don't know whether it was your mother or SIl who was lying.

If your SIL did fib, it was probably precisely because she wanted to avoid a silly fuss about nothing when she was doing you a very big favour.

phoenixrosehere · 05/03/2023 11:17

Yabu.

Is there some backstory where you’re assuming your SIL is lying instead of believing that she may have actually not realised they were pjs.

Aprilx · 05/03/2023 11:17

If you are sending your child off to be looked after by other people, surely you should be the one providing clothes!

SoupDragon · 05/03/2023 11:18

It isn't about my child being in her pjs, it's about the fact that my SIL lied.

That's not what your Op says at all. It says you're angry that your DD went out "looking unkempt"

SparkyBlue · 05/03/2023 11:19

If a family member took my children on a regular basis and did lovely things with them like trips to coffee shops I wouldn't give a hoot what the child wore (and I'm fussy about childrens clothes). Just be glad you have such a good support network

ouch321 · 05/03/2023 11:19

OP sounds intensely immature.

All the drama about her horror at pyjamas being worn out and about.

Pyjamas are the same as any other clothing garment but just usually have more fun colours or patterns/images. There is nothing intrinsically about them that makes them unworthy of being worn outside.

I'm guessing she's a young mum.

fajitaaaa · 05/03/2023 11:20

At the end of the day you don't know how difficult your child was being.

Find alternative childcare if it bothers you

fluffylampbear · 05/03/2023 11:21

Are you seriously complaining about this???

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 05/03/2023 11:22

YABU. Why would you think anyone was lying?

It’s a case of miscommunication. Both your mum and SIL thought something was happening and it wasn’t, so they’re both to “blame”.

Although really this is a non-issue and you’re being petty as fuck deliberately dressing her to make a point. SIL should stop the free childcare until you can learn to be grateful.

BingoBonus · 05/03/2023 11:23

This sounds like a huge overreaction on your part.

daisypond · 05/03/2023 11:23

Strawberrydelight78 · 05/03/2023 11:13

She's only two I don't think anyone will notice. As long as she's warm she won't care. But your mum could have washed her clothes.

How could she possibly wash and dry them when the child was wearing them? Not that she should have to at all.

MillicentMold · 05/03/2023 11:25

Strawberrydelight78 · 05/03/2023 11:13

She's only two I don't think anyone will notice. As long as she's warm she won't care. But your mum could have washed her clothes.

Uh? 😵‍💫 Why? 🤔

Regularsizedrudy · 05/03/2023 11:26

pollydolly09 · 05/03/2023 10:18

😂😂😂😂 these responses are SAVAGE.

It isn't about my child being in her pjs, it's about the fact that my SIL lied.

If she said oh I didn't realise it was a big problem then I wouldn't have been so annoyed.

I actually get along very well with my ILs and appreciate I'm very lucky to have the support I do from family.

Thanks everyone for your brutal honesty.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves thanks for putting it more nicely

Maybe she lied because she knew you’d be weird about it.