Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL knowingly took DD out in her pjs

485 replies

pollydolly09 · 05/03/2023 09:56

DD (2years) normally spends one day of the week with SIL. The night before she had spent at my mums who didn't have any clothes for her to get her dressed in the morning, but knew SIL had some as she checked with her beforehand.

Later in the day, SIL posted a picture of DD in a coffee shop. DD was in her pjs. I asked SIL why she was still in pjs and she said she didn't know she wasn't dressed when she picked her up as she already had her coat on and they went out straight away.

I asked my mum what happened during pick up. She said she apologised for not getting DD dressed in the morning, she didn't have any spare clothes but knew SIL did so thought she would get DD ready before taking her out.

So either my mum is lying or SIL is.

Besides the point, you can tell what a child is wearing underneath their coat. DD's coat goes to just above her thighs. SIL would have been able to see her pj bottoms.

Mentioned this to DH who said he'd speak to SIL, but I don't think he has yet otherwise he would have informed me of the outcome of her conversation.

I've also now made a point of getting DD fully dressed before she goes to SIL. DH normally drops her off first thing, before she's even had breakfast, so she isn't dressed as SIL will dress her before going out (well I thought so anyway).

So AIBU to think that SIL knew DD was in her pjs and took her out anyway?

This happened a week ago, but I can't get it off my mind. I don't know if I should just let it go, but it just makes me so angry that my poor baby was taken out looking unkempt.

OP posts:
Optionschange · 05/03/2023 10:52

Ah yes just seem DH usually drops her off in ps and before breakfast!!!

Why? Surely that's part of your morning routine with the child to feed and dress them?

Is there something else going on here?

Has SIL always had your toddler 1 day a week. And why? Isn't SIL working?

MsSquiz · 05/03/2023 10:52

Maybe she didn't realise. Maybe she thought the pj bottoms were leggings?

A lot of my DD1's pjs and leggings are similar.

But, does it really matter? The child is 2, she had pyjamas and a coat on. It's not like she took her out in the middle of winter in just a nappy.

I think you pick your battles and this really doesn't need to be 1 of them.

As for your child looking "unkempt", wait until she's coming back from nursery or school after a day of looking like she's been dragged through a hedge backwards!

Cocobutt · 05/03/2023 10:53

YABU

Its such a non-issue and MIL and SIL are obviously just trying to say anything that will calm you down.

She may not have realised or she may have thought they were her clothes.
I told my niece that I like her PJs and she said they weren’t actually PJs they just looked a bit like them.

Instead if trying to nit pick, either thank your SIL for looking after her and taking her out or just look after your own child then you don’t need to moan.

I would be delighted if my SIL took my DD out and I couldn’t thank them enough.

Callmenat · 05/03/2023 10:54

I think you should have everyone arrested and arrange urgent counselling for you and dd.

BeaLola · 05/03/2023 10:54

How lovely that your MiL and SIL spend a lot of their time willing looking after your daughter and taking her out for lovely treats .

BevMarsh · 05/03/2023 10:54

Maybe SIL doesn't see your child as an accessory and think about/care about how your child 'looks' to other people when enjoying spending time with them.
As long as your child was happy and warm then it does not matter at all.
Are you worried someone who knew you might have seen and it will have reflected badly on you?

Cocobutt · 05/03/2023 10:54

Why does your mum and SIL look after your DD so much?

Bonjovispjs · 05/03/2023 10:56

Pick your battles, you're being ridiculous.

Olive180 · 05/03/2023 10:56

Wow. If only I had the time and mental capacity to care so much about something so irrelevant!

purplediscolove · 05/03/2023 10:57

Isn’t it not your job to make sure your child has enough clothes and enough spare clothes etc? For who ever and wherever she goes. I don’t leave anything at any of my family’s houses I take what I need and leave with what I need wash it and send what ever the next time. Your child won’t care and I very much doubt anyone else did and if they did it was your SIL they were judging for it and not you. Let it go and send some more clothes and make everyone aware

Soontobe60 · 05/03/2023 10:57

I once took my then 2 yr old grandson out to M+S for lunch, got him changed first. Sent obligatory photo of him to DD. She wondered why he was wearing his PJs! I’d actually changed him out of a pair into another 😂😂😂
She posted the photo on instagram later.

purplediscolove · 05/03/2023 10:58

And that too. What I’d do for a normal sister in law.

MillicentMold · 05/03/2023 10:59

2 year old goes to cafe for her breakfast wearing PJ’s! Shocker!! 😳

Don’t be surprised if the next time your DH drops the toddler at his sisters to find a note pinned to the door -

“Aunties Free Child Minding Service is closed. Find alternative child care arrangements”

UdoU · 05/03/2023 10:59

You should be kissing the ground your SIL walks on for having your dd once a week.

Don’t be so ungrateful.

I hope she realises you/DH are CFs and stops the free babysitting/childcard.

redbigbananafeet · 05/03/2023 11:02

pollydolly09 · 05/03/2023 10:18

😂😂😂😂 these responses are SAVAGE.

It isn't about my child being in her pjs, it's about the fact that my SIL lied.

If she said oh I didn't realise it was a big problem then I wouldn't have been so annoyed.

I actually get along very well with my ILs and appreciate I'm very lucky to have the support I do from family.

Thanks everyone for your brutal honesty.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves thanks for putting it more nicely

Maybe she lied because she knew you be such an ungrateful madam if you found out. Maybe your SIL was in a rush, or shattered, for got your child's change of wardrobe, or her own kid was having a hell of a morning so didn't have the energy to sort out the pjs. Perhaps in future when relatives are providing two days of childcare (which you haven't said you pay them for) make sure you provide essentials like clothes - do you provide all of your daughters snacks and meals for these women?

Jooliusreezer · 05/03/2023 11:03

Igenix4 · 05/03/2023 10:33

Oh joy. Another mum who is going to teach her child it is only acceptable to be seen in public if you look a certain way or wear certain things

So you think going around in pyjamas is ok, then?

Orangetree3 · 05/03/2023 11:04

TheYearOfSmallThings · 05/03/2023 09:58

This is not important.

This

BordoisAgain · 05/03/2023 11:04

trilbydoll · 05/03/2023 10:05

I would love to be a fly on the wall at your house when your dd starts refusing to get dressed and insisting on going out in her pjs.

I'd love to be a fly on the wall when DD starts coming home from nursery/pre-school / reception looking like she's been dragged through a hedge backwards after swimming through a muddy bog.

redbigbananafeet · 05/03/2023 11:05

tearsandtiaras · 05/03/2023 10:29

I don't understand why you are not dressing your own child in the morning as every other parent in the world does

Because another female relative had the baby the night before and OP didn't give a chance of clothes. It's NOT OPs fault though!!!!

LuckySantangelo35 · 05/03/2023 11:05

@pollydolly09

GET A GRIP

HTH

creekingmillenial · 05/03/2023 11:06

Just to add, we can all be irrational about our kids and especially so when we have a young baby and are exhausted. Sometimes we all look back and think “what was I thinking?!”.
If I were you I’d apologise to SIL and mum for making a drama out of it and say you were just shattered and emotional from lack of sleep. They seem like lovely people so I’m sure you’ll all laugh about it later.

R0ckets · 05/03/2023 11:06

At 2 absolutely. Surley any sane person thinks 2 year olds in pj's are fine. Girls especially at this age don't need to have the crap message of having to look a certain way put into their heads, they will sadly hear that message soon enough.

redskylight · 05/03/2023 11:06

I can't see where SIL lied? She said she didn't realise DD was in pyjamas. On the basis that many 2 year old clothes look pretty much indistinguishable from pyjamas and I doubt SIL scrutinised her clothing carefully, is this not simply a case of "not realising" rather than lying?

it just makes me so angry that my poor baby was taken out looking unkempt.

I need to know your secret here. At 2, my DC pretty much always looked unkempt about 3 seconds after leaving the house.

MrsSkylerWhite · 05/03/2023 11:06

Does it really matter? Did she have a nice time?

daisypond · 05/03/2023 11:07

I’ve just re-read the post:
“I've also now made a point of getting DD fully dressed before she goes to SIL. DH normally drops her off first thing, before she's even had breakfast, so she isn't dressed as SIL will dress her before going out (well I thought so anyway).”

I now can’t believe you are criticising someone for doing the exact same thing you do -taking your child out before they are dressed. How can you square that? Obviously, you need to dress your child before they go out -it’s so important to you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread