SIL knowingly took DD out in her pjs

[pollydolly09]

DD (2years) normally spends one day of the week with SIL. The night before she had spent at my mums who didn't have any clothes for her to get her dressed in the morning, but knew SIL had some as she checked with her beforehand.

Later in the day, SIL posted a picture of DD in a coffee shop. DD was in her pjs. I asked SIL why she was still in pjs and she said she didn't know she wasn't dressed when she picked her up as she already had her coat on and they went out straight away.

I asked my mum what happened during pick up. She said she apologised for not getting DD dressed in the morning, she didn't have any spare clothes but knew SIL did so thought she would get DD ready before taking her out.

So either my mum is lying or SIL is.

Besides the point, you can tell what a child is wearing underneath their coat. DD's coat goes to just above her thighs. SIL would have been able to see her pj bottoms.

Mentioned this to DH who said he'd speak to SIL, but I don't think he has yet otherwise he would have informed me of the outcome of her conversation.

I've also now made a point of getting DD fully dressed before she goes to SIL. DH normally drops her off first thing, before she's even had breakfast, so she isn't dressed as SIL will dress her before going out (well I thought so anyway).

So AIBU to think that SIL knew DD was in her pjs and took her out anyway?

This happened a week ago, but I can't get it off my mind. I don't know if I should just let it go, but it just makes me so angry that my poor baby was taken out looking unkempt.

I am not sure why this is an issue. I take my daughter to the shops in her pjs as we go straight from school run and I havnt had time to dress her yet. She has clean nappy and coat and socks and shoes on so is perfectly OK.

I get that you are cross that SIL lied.

But I think what she probably meant was that she didn't know she was in her pjs on arrival and then, despite your mum explaining, went straight to the coffee shop and didn't want to go home to get her dressed first.

It doesn't have to be a malicious lie. Sometimes there are misunderstandings, disagreements on minor points, a slight exaggeration to get out of a telling off. If she's a nice SIL who you trust to care for your dd, let it go rather than fabricating some big family drama.

My son 7 usually had ph weekends which include shopping and visiting people
He is happy and warm. I choose my battles

YABU, you're very lucky with the arrangement you had there and your child would be nice and comfy in pyjamas anyway. No massive need to get them changed.

When you have the level of family support you benefit from, it can be easy to start taking it for granted and to forget they're just ordinary people who make mistakes. You mum forgot the clothing bag whilst kindly offering to have your DD overnight and then handing her on to your SIL for you. You are really fortunate to have people willing to support you in this way and could be more tolerant of normal human errors.

Huh?! Is this real?

Honestly, I'd be grateful for the free childcare. PJs or no PJs.

You weren't cross about the lie in your first post it was because your DD was taken out looking unkempt. 🤔

This.

Reframe your thinking on the "lie". You are jumping to the worst conclusion when unless there's a massive backstory is very unfair given the huge amount of help you get. I'd be careful that the help isn't withdrawn.

And so you should get her fully dressed before she goes to childcare, would you expect a nursery to do that for you?

How will DD feel when she's 10 and she finds out you put her in the car in her PJs regularly and mean the trauma that will cause god only knows!

She’s 2, what’s the issue? DD wore pyjamas and my socks to nursery exclusively from 18 months to 2.5 as a comfort thing; no one batted an eye because she was little, pyjamas are comfy, kids need to be comfy to play. SIL Perhaps fumbled her explanation on seeing that you felt it was an issue.

Who cares? Really doesn’t matter. Currently at the park with my 3 year old, still has his PJ bottoms on. It’s a non issue.

Honestly in the chaos of handover it is easy to not take something in. You handed DD over to your mother and between you the bag of clothes were missed, maybe your mum said something about not having her dressed but SIL just didn't register it. I wouldn't fret about who is lying, just accept mistakes are made, it is no big deal in the big scheme of things.

These things can become more important than they warrant. When I was at this stage I used this mantra "will it matter in ten years?" If it won't let it go.

yep

Hahahaha my youngest refused to wear anything but his eldest brothers pyjamas when he was 2. We went with the flow to avoid an argument.

If you are getting free childcare - I suggest you let it go and quick.
The child is unaware what she is wearing, the only person this makes look bad - well lazy - is the SIL.

if you are paying for her services - totally different matter - you pay as you expect X,Y,Z etc.

And you clearly don't realise how extraordinarily fortunate you are to have childcare to this level.

Please please just appreciate them massively

OK I know you're getting a lot of people saying the same thing - you're in an incredibly fortunate/unusual position regarding childcare so for those posters who don't have that it is quite hard to follow why you aren't just so grateful they had your toddler!

So. The SIL. You say she has your toddler a day a week. Is that so you can work? Or just because? Do they have kids - do you /will you take theirs a day a week of they have them?

Does your toddler often have sleepovers with your mum (lovely if so!)

How old is the baby. Is dad around? Are you generally finding it overwhelming? (Again not a criticism I think most people do with 2, I certainly found 2 under 4 one of the trickiest times as baby didn't sleep.)

1. not everything is lying. Sometimes people just misunderstand one another.
2. This is such a non issue
3. If anyone did lie it’s possibly due to your overreaction.
4. you’re being very rude to people who are helping you out. You do know many of us have no family help whatsoever right? It’s not yours by right.

Where are you whilst your mum and your SIL are caring for your toddler?

Presumably you want to keep up with this (I'm guessing) free childcare?

SIL did something nice with her (non-biological) niece in taking her out to a coffee shop.

You are being massively unreasonable.

This happened a week ago, but I can't get it off my mind. I don't know if I should just let it go, but it just makes me so angry that my poor baby was taken out looking unkempt.

I think you already know that this is an extreme reactibeon to a non event.

If you are having some really rough days with your 4 month old and toddler, it might be an idea to have a chat with your GP.

Exactly! ⬆️

I saw a child about 18 months sitting in a Morrisons trolly with dinosaur PJ's on a while ago. The only reason I knew they were PJ's is because I had bought my great nephew a pair exactly the same. Their is little difference between PJ's and say clothes. This is so obviously your PFB it is funny. As long as child had a clean nappy and was being cared for there really is no problem. Your DH knows this and that is why he has not mentioned it to his sister. You are so lucky your child has loving in-laws who are helping with child care day and night for you. Just be grateful and say nothing. If it bothers you make sure your child arrives with spare clothing. If MiL looks after child regularly you should keep a couple of spare outfits there.

I’d be so grateful that someone was prepared to look after my 2 year old, collect from various locations (early!), take them out to a cafe, and presumably have a nice enough time that it warranted a posted photo.

Oh my goodness. Relax.

Even if she IS paying, it's still not a massive deal and certainly not worth a row.

Ideally, I would want my toddler dressed. But I think this is just an oversight, miscommunication. I can’t see that anyone actually lied.