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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL knowingly took DD out in her pjs

485 replies

pollydolly09 · 05/03/2023 09:56

DD (2years) normally spends one day of the week with SIL. The night before she had spent at my mums who didn't have any clothes for her to get her dressed in the morning, but knew SIL had some as she checked with her beforehand.

Later in the day, SIL posted a picture of DD in a coffee shop. DD was in her pjs. I asked SIL why she was still in pjs and she said she didn't know she wasn't dressed when she picked her up as she already had her coat on and they went out straight away.

I asked my mum what happened during pick up. She said she apologised for not getting DD dressed in the morning, she didn't have any spare clothes but knew SIL did so thought she would get DD ready before taking her out.

So either my mum is lying or SIL is.

Besides the point, you can tell what a child is wearing underneath their coat. DD's coat goes to just above her thighs. SIL would have been able to see her pj bottoms.

Mentioned this to DH who said he'd speak to SIL, but I don't think he has yet otherwise he would have informed me of the outcome of her conversation.

I've also now made a point of getting DD fully dressed before she goes to SIL. DH normally drops her off first thing, before she's even had breakfast, so she isn't dressed as SIL will dress her before going out (well I thought so anyway).

So AIBU to think that SIL knew DD was in her pjs and took her out anyway?

This happened a week ago, but I can't get it off my mind. I don't know if I should just let it go, but it just makes me so angry that my poor baby was taken out looking unkempt.

OP posts:
CheshireCat1 · 05/03/2023 15:09

Just appreciate the lovely support that you’ve got and try not to let things get on top of you.

purpledalmation · 05/03/2023 15:10

Oh for goodness sake, you have free of cheap childcare, your DD is happy and being taken out for trips, and your moaning about pjs?

Schopfitzer · 05/03/2023 15:11

it just makes me so angry that my poor baby was taken out looking unkempt.

It isn't about my child being in her pjs, it's about the fact that my SIL lied

So which one of these is true, @pollydolly09?

ArCost · 05/03/2023 15:12

Wow. I wish I had that level of support when mine was young. I had no family help ever. I'd have given anything for someone to take him for a day or a night, and I wouldn't have cared if they'd dressed him in a bin bag!

oakleaffy · 05/03/2023 15:16

“Poor baby?”
Is this for real??

No one will be looking at someone else’s toddler and judging pyjamas.

An adult is different.

drumandthebass · 05/03/2023 15:17

You are being ridiculous. How do you cope with life?

2bazookas · 05/03/2023 15:19

This is a feckless lazy attitude to child care and nurturing SIL got from you. You and DH set that example.

This is YOUR child; you and DH should get up in time to get her washed dressed and breakfasted before dropping her off .

When you leave her at your mothers overnight, it's YOUR responsibility to make sure she has clothes and shoes for the morning.

Butchyrestingface · 05/03/2023 15:30

DH normally drops her off first thing, before she's even had breakfast, so she isn't dressed as SIL will dress her before going out (well I thought so anyway).

So you use your sister-in-law for childcare (hope you pay her) and neither you nor your husband can be arsed to dress your own child before sending her over?

What's the reason you don't dress her - have you taken a Vow of Indolence?

Daisybee6 · 05/03/2023 15:33

She's 2 😄 most clothes for 2 year olds look like pj's anyway

JaffaCake70 · 05/03/2023 15:36

2bazookas · 05/03/2023 15:19

This is a feckless lazy attitude to child care and nurturing SIL got from you. You and DH set that example.

This is YOUR child; you and DH should get up in time to get her washed dressed and breakfasted before dropping her off .

When you leave her at your mothers overnight, it's YOUR responsibility to make sure she has clothes and shoes for the morning.

This

Bournetilly · 05/03/2023 15:38

Did she take her out in the car?
Id be more worried about her not taking the coat off in the car/ when she was in the car seat as this is unsafe.
Going out in PJs wouldn’t bother me as a one off.

Swiftswatch · 05/03/2023 15:40

Your SIL looks after your daughter a day a week and is so involved that she usually has clothes for her at her house and you’re this annoyed because your ‘baby’ went out in pyjamas?
Look after her yourself then.

Willowtre1 · 05/03/2023 15:44

They really could have not noticed, PJs often look a bit like leggings or whatever. It's not what I'd consider neglect at that age!

plantingandpotting · 05/03/2023 15:51

Unkempt 🤣🤣🤣 Jesus wept. If I had a SiL taking my DD for free one day every week, she could dress her as a street urchin if she wanted. And lie about it.
Childcare is PRECIOUS and you're looking a gift horse in the mouth.

Abucketfullofsand · 05/03/2023 15:51

Honestly …. Be grateful you have support and help of people around you! With all dead family this is something I could only dream of along with a chance for my children to have connected with someone else who cared about them too

Ponderingwindow · 05/03/2023 15:53

Aside from special occasions, Is there any real difference between your 2yos pjs and clothing?

why does a 2yo need to get dressed if the pjs are clean? I understand the reverse, taking off articles of attire that has been worn out and about and putting on something that hasn’t potentially picked up germs or other contaminants from the outing.

ThisNameIsNotAvailable · 05/03/2023 16:07

Exactly this.

Rauha · 05/03/2023 16:07

bussteward · 05/03/2023 11:28

It’s bordering on négligéent.

😁😁😁

ThisNameIsNotAvailable · 05/03/2023 16:08

Iudncuewbccgrcb · 05/03/2023 10:20

I'd probably lie to you if this is how you react to stuff.

By which I mean - exactly this

CupEmpty · 05/03/2023 16:15

OP is probably one of those who feels family are ‘lucky’ to look after her DD, rather thank recognising it as the massive favour it is.

if I sound bitter it’s because of have no help whatsoever and I don’t think most realise how lucky they are to have family input.

Sparkleshine21 · 05/03/2023 16:20

Why do you care 😂😂😂😂 I sent my daughter to stay with her uncle (my brother) once and he sent me a pic of her on the park in her pjs! I found it funny, he genuinely thought they were leggings and a top bless him. Maybe just be thankful you have family there to help you out with childcare?

MRex · 05/03/2023 16:29

The irony that you take her in pyjamas to your SIL most weeks, send her with no clothes to your DM, yet you object to her going out in pyjamas!! There is a real risk of sibling jealousy if you keep pushing her out and it must be a bit confusing for DD to be shipped around everywhere with half the family dressing her. On days she goes to SIL, just dress the poor child before she goes. It takes under five minutes to dress, quick wash-up and brush teeth. Other times, if you can't care for her then at least get a bag together with clothes, toys, wipes etc to send her off with so that she can be looked after properly.

deflatedbirthday · 05/03/2023 16:47

Good grief OP. In the nicest possible way you're in for a a lot of upset if this is the kind of thing you're focusing on. I could understand your reaction if she'd sent you a photo of DD pouring red hot water from a kettle in a cafe or something, but this? No. Be grateful for the childcare and move on.

deflatedbirthday · 05/03/2023 16:50

And I'd steer away from school playground on World Book Day too. Approx. 50% of the kids this year were in pjs dressed as various words like 'sleepy', 'exhausted' though I suspect these words more describe the parents!

Justtryandstaycalm75 · 05/03/2023 16:53

If it means that much to you why not keep two spare outfits at your mums and another two at your SIL.
When she wears each one, wash it and replace it.
That way she will never have to leave the house in her pyjamas. Not that it matters as a two year old.
I'd just be thankful for the break and that they are giving her a good time.
We don't all have that.