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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL knowingly took DD out in her pjs

485 replies

pollydolly09 · 05/03/2023 09:56

DD (2years) normally spends one day of the week with SIL. The night before she had spent at my mums who didn't have any clothes for her to get her dressed in the morning, but knew SIL had some as she checked with her beforehand.

Later in the day, SIL posted a picture of DD in a coffee shop. DD was in her pjs. I asked SIL why she was still in pjs and she said she didn't know she wasn't dressed when she picked her up as she already had her coat on and they went out straight away.

I asked my mum what happened during pick up. She said she apologised for not getting DD dressed in the morning, she didn't have any spare clothes but knew SIL did so thought she would get DD ready before taking her out.

So either my mum is lying or SIL is.

Besides the point, you can tell what a child is wearing underneath their coat. DD's coat goes to just above her thighs. SIL would have been able to see her pj bottoms.

Mentioned this to DH who said he'd speak to SIL, but I don't think he has yet otherwise he would have informed me of the outcome of her conversation.

I've also now made a point of getting DD fully dressed before she goes to SIL. DH normally drops her off first thing, before she's even had breakfast, so she isn't dressed as SIL will dress her before going out (well I thought so anyway).

So AIBU to think that SIL knew DD was in her pjs and took her out anyway?

This happened a week ago, but I can't get it off my mind. I don't know if I should just let it go, but it just makes me so angry that my poor baby was taken out looking unkempt.

OP posts:
ExhibitA · 05/03/2023 14:18

The outfits my husband took our toddler out in (often pyjamas) I couldn’t get worked up about this.

artimesiasfootsteps · 05/03/2023 14:20

2 years? 😅 Who cares!

ClairDeLaLune · 05/03/2023 14:23

YABU but you have taken your pasting well OP! SIL probably lied to avoid aggro if you’re normally this precious, sorry. Let it go!

Rubyupbeat · 05/03/2023 14:26

This is hysterical, surely it's a fake post?

Johnisafckface · 05/03/2023 14:28

vodkaredbullgirl · 05/03/2023 09:58

Get a grip.

😂

I agree. This wouldn’t bother me she’s just a baby. And unless the pj pants were obvious ie with little sheep or moons on them, I might not have known the difference.

WonderingWanda · 05/03/2023 14:30

Your sil told a small lie but what would you prefer she had said? "Yes she's in her pj's because I'm knackered and I wanted to go straight to the cafe and not have to go all the way back home to get some clothes because she wasn't dressed when I picked her up". It's a one off and it wasn't your sil fault she wasn't dressed when she picked her up. And your dm made the mistake of forgetting the bag, again easily done and she's 2 so not the end of the world. If you make a big deal put of this then you might find yourself not getting a day of childcare free every week. Does your sil have her own children? Do you look after them often?

Stravaig · 05/03/2023 14:33

Is childen being immacutely turned out a new parenting trend? I've always held that if they're not running around in clothes which are bizarre combinations and/or clarted in something then you're probably not doing it right 🤣

letthemalldoone · 05/03/2023 14:36

Wise up, and stop being so bloody ungrateful for family support!!

Wereeaglesdare · 05/03/2023 14:37

Is this for real!? Meanwhile the rest of us have had our nursery fees upped to keep in line with inflation and your moaning because your child essentially had pyjama day at 2 years old. Get over yourself if it makes you feel better pretend it was for world book day or some other shite we have to pay for in addition to nursery fees. You should be thanking your family if my sister did this i would laugh and make sure my child had a backpack of clothes and any essentials she may need. That is on you.

SwishSwishBisch · 05/03/2023 14:39

I know it’s an overused MN cliche but bloody hell OP you sound like hard work.

SallyWD · 05/03/2023 14:42

WonderingWanda · 05/03/2023 14:30

Your sil told a small lie but what would you prefer she had said? "Yes she's in her pj's because I'm knackered and I wanted to go straight to the cafe and not have to go all the way back home to get some clothes because she wasn't dressed when I picked her up". It's a one off and it wasn't your sil fault she wasn't dressed when she picked her up. And your dm made the mistake of forgetting the bag, again easily done and she's 2 so not the end of the world. If you make a big deal put of this then you might find yourself not getting a day of childcare free every week. Does your sil have her own children? Do you look after them often?

Exactly this. It was a very small white lie probably said because she could sense you were pissed off in your message.
It's very easy to understand why she did it - wanting to go straight to cafe, rather than back to her house to get clothes (I assume this was the case).
We're raising our 2 children with no family help whatsoever (they all live about 6 hours away). The thought of my SIL providing one day is childcare EVERY week is just amazing! If I was you I'd just be eternally grateful. Not nit-picking over this "terrible lie".

Quveas · 05/03/2023 14:43

And there was me wondering when going out in your PJ's had become the done thing. And I am talking about grown adults! Passing the local primary school, I frequently see mums in their PJ's dropping off their kids. I admit I don't think it's a good look at the school gate, but in a 2 year old I doubt I would even notice. Or think twice about it if I did.

SnackSizeRaisin · 05/03/2023 14:43

Stravaig · 05/03/2023 14:33

Is childen being immacutely turned out a new parenting trend? I've always held that if they're not running around in clothes which are bizarre combinations and/or clarted in something then you're probably not doing it right 🤣

No its not new. It's a class thing. Working class = immaculate matching outfit, brushed hair. Middle class = scruffy, non matching, holes, probably food stained etc.

FurAndFeathers · 05/03/2023 14:45

pollydolly09 · 05/03/2023 10:18

😂😂😂😂 these responses are SAVAGE.

It isn't about my child being in her pjs, it's about the fact that my SIL lied.

If she said oh I didn't realise it was a big problem then I wouldn't have been so annoyed.

I actually get along very well with my ILs and appreciate I'm very lucky to have the support I do from family.

Thanks everyone for your brutal honesty.

@MrsBennetsPoorNerves thanks for putting it more nicely

But you don’t know that she lied! She might just be unobservant.

its weird that you immediately jump to the worst conclusion if someone who is doing you a favour

Schoolchoicesucks · 05/03/2023 14:46

She's 2. It's fine. Send her dressed in future if it worries you.

phoenixrosehere · 05/03/2023 14:47

WonderingWanda · 05/03/2023 14:30

Your sil told a small lie but what would you prefer she had said? "Yes she's in her pj's because I'm knackered and I wanted to go straight to the cafe and not have to go all the way back home to get some clothes because she wasn't dressed when I picked her up". It's a one off and it wasn't your sil fault she wasn't dressed when she picked her up. And your dm made the mistake of forgetting the bag, again easily done and she's 2 so not the end of the world. If you make a big deal put of this then you might find yourself not getting a day of childcare free every week. Does your sil have her own children? Do you look after them often?

OP is choosing to assume her SIL is lying.

Considering OP’s mum said she thought SIL would change her, I’m wondering if she actually told SIL that the tot needed to be changed into different clothes to begin with.

SnackSizeRaisin · 05/03/2023 14:50

Are your in laws MC and you are WC? That could explain the difference in how this is perceived. You feel judged if your child isn't wearing new clothes of the latest fashion. To them a slightly scruffy child is endearing and a sign that the child is free to play without worrying about their clothing. Most MC parents wouldn't attach any importance to what a 2 year old wears as long as the child is comfortable and warm enough.

SirGawain · 05/03/2023 14:52

This utterly shocking. a two year old out in her pyjamas. She'll be scarred for life. Cut off all contact with everyone who enabled this .... . oh! hold on, or you could just get a sense of proportion.

Terraria · 05/03/2023 14:52

Coming from someone who never had family support for any of my 3 kids, you sound really entitled and hard work! It's obvious it is the PJ bothers you the most because that is in your post title. Your family had to lie because they know you make issues out of non issues! Apologies to your family!

mycatisaloveabledemon · 05/03/2023 14:53

It just doesn't matter- even if one is lying or neither.

Unless you got a whole backstory to it where they're continuously lying and not taking as much care over your daughter as other children in the family

HotToddyColdSauvignon · 05/03/2023 14:55

Epic 😁

letthemalldoone · 05/03/2023 14:58

LlynTegid · 05/03/2023 10:25

Speak to your SIL. You want to bring your child up in a particular way and want to be consistent, to avoid any 'aunty does it this way etc' comments.

So a positive way of dealing with something I think was wrong in my book and 100% behind you in finding it unacceptable.

The OP is being ridiculous and so are you!

It is not normal to be this anal about something to utterly trivial.

I don't know why the OP's husband didn't tell her that. Maybe he's afraid to!!!

Moonyblue · 05/03/2023 14:59

People have real issues going on and you spent a week thinking about this !

babysgotthespends · 05/03/2023 15:03

Slightly different but my DP took DS 1yr at the time to a cafe and I met them after work. DS was in his pjs. DP had changed him from his pjs into another set of pjs Hmm
The only person who seemed bothered by it was me. Thankfully I've learned to get a grip since then.
Let it go OP Smile

ConcordeOoter · 05/03/2023 15:06

RebelDiamonds · 05/03/2023 10:00

Dress your own child if it bothers you that much

Right?

I'm not sure why someone would lie about this, the consequences would be saying "oops".

@OP Are you sure she has "lied about it" as oppose to not caring much about it because it's trivial?

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