SIL knowingly took DD out in her pjs

[pollydolly09]

DD (2years) normally spends one day of the week with SIL. The night before she had spent at my mums who didn't have any clothes for her to get her dressed in the morning, but knew SIL had some as she checked with her beforehand.

Later in the day, SIL posted a picture of DD in a coffee shop. DD was in her pjs. I asked SIL why she was still in pjs and she said she didn't know she wasn't dressed when she picked her up as she already had her coat on and they went out straight away.

I asked my mum what happened during pick up. She said she apologised for not getting DD dressed in the morning, she didn't have any spare clothes but knew SIL did so thought she would get DD ready before taking her out.

So either my mum is lying or SIL is.

Besides the point, you can tell what a child is wearing underneath their coat. DD's coat goes to just above her thighs. SIL would have been able to see her pj bottoms.

Mentioned this to DH who said he'd speak to SIL, but I don't think he has yet otherwise he would have informed me of the outcome of her conversation.

I've also now made a point of getting DD fully dressed before she goes to SIL. DH normally drops her off first thing, before she's even had breakfast, so she isn't dressed as SIL will dress her before going out (well I thought so anyway).

So AIBU to think that SIL knew DD was in her pjs and took her out anyway?

This happened a week ago, but I can't get it off my mind. I don't know if I should just let it go, but it just makes me so angry that my poor baby was taken out looking unkempt.

A two year old in her pjs? Why would anyone care about this?

I really wish I had your life if this is considered a big enough issue to be stressed about for a week. Unbelievable.

You lost me from your first sentence

’SIL normally has DD 1 day a week’

You mean your SIL gives up one day a week unpaid to look after your daughter? Wow. That’s amazingly generous of her. And yet you are bothered about what she is wearing?

Start realising how lucky you are to have all this free help you sound completely ungrateful and spoilt.

Who cares if your DD has her pjs on? You seriously have your priorities screwed up.
And your Mum had her overnight? So they’re juggling your daughter- having to work out where the clothes are. And you are looking at photos of her and criticising- this can’t be serious!

Also why is your DH dropping your toddler at your SIL? Do you do anything to help with any of these arrangements? You don’t even get your own child dressed.

Are you working full time?

Oh. My. God. Clearly you have a very charmed life if you’ve had the space to be angry about this for a week 🤣🤣

You sound upset but the incident is not alarming.
Do you suffer from a paranoia at all?
The child was warm, clean, with peiople who care about her and she was eating food.

These things can become more important than they warrant. When I was at this stage I used this mantra "will it matter in ten years?" If it won't let it go.

Ha, save your battles for when she's a teenager and wants to go,out in a pair of hot pants, vest top and sliders with socks 🙈

I think you know this now, but whatever happened, it was astonishingly irrelevant to anything.

You definitely should not have questioned your sil about this. Your mum only thought sil had some clothes. sil probably rightly thought that they were going for a nice trip to the coffee shop and nobody gave any fucks what a 2yo was wearing.

I think you've had a massive beating here OP, so I'm going to try and say it kindly, but yes, YABU. Your SIL is doing you a huge favour, especially if you just drop your daughter off not dressed and not fed, and your SIL does all of that to help you out.

So many people would kill for that kind of support when they have a toddler and a very young baby, so you either need to give that up or your expectations need to be altered.

Think you should just be appreciative that you have that extra help. Your child was warm, safe and loved!

It would be a gigantic mistake for your dh to speak to your sil about this.

I have to say that if I were your sil and I had picked up your dd and taken her to a cafe and then got an interrogation for her clothing, I would:

a) not bother helping you anymore
b) probably swear at you to FO because I am now old and finished with people pleasing.

I can just imagine the conversation your MIL and SIL have after non events like this...

I would love to sit in cosy coffee shop in my brushed cotton pj’s.

Literally who cares? Unless the pyjamas were tiny shorts and a t shirt and she was outside in the cold in just them then going out in pjs is absolutely fine for a 2 year old.

See my response to your SIL would have been ‘oh looks like you’re having a lovely time in the cafe! Am so sorry I forgot to drop the spare clothes bag off with Mum the day before 🙈. Hope you’re having a good day!’

@pollydolly09 you could always pay for actual childcare but you probably want to scab off family

Probably 'fuck me maybe we should stop giving free child care and make her pay for a nursery if she's that precious'

As long as your child was warm enough then this is seriously not a big deal. YABU.

What an odd way to express thanks to your lovely Mum and lovely SIL for looking after your child for you.

Count your blessings. If it had been me, not only would I not give a flying fuck about a two year old wearing pyjamas in public, but we'd have likely managed some funtastically muddy playtime en route to the cafe. What horror!

You are being spectacularly unreasonable.

This is surely a wind up? If not then you are the most ungrateful numpty to ever post on MN.

I've also now made a point of getting DD fully dressed before she goes to SIL. DH normally drops her off first thing, before she's even had breakfast, so she isn't dressed as SIL will dress her before going out (well I thought so anyway).

So you weren't dressing her, but you're annoyed other people weren't dressing her, so now you're having to go to the inconvenience of dressing her to make a point. Right.

I can’t believe people get worked up about this.

I’ve seen a few posts like this recently. Interestingly it’s always about in-laws doing something trivial and made into mountain.

Why does it matter?

You need to see the long-term picture. SIL is providing free childcare, engaging with your child, taking her out to new environments where she will learn how to behave, not sitting her in front of a screen. She's investing her time and energy in your child who will benefit hugely from the attention. The pyjamas really don't matter. Put them out of your mind.

Honestly, this is not a big deal.

I understand it feels it now, but this is not worth getting worked up over.