SIL knowingly took DD out in her pjs

[pollydolly09]

DD (2years) normally spends one day of the week with SIL. The night before she had spent at my mums who didn't have any clothes for her to get her dressed in the morning, but knew SIL had some as she checked with her beforehand.

Later in the day, SIL posted a picture of DD in a coffee shop. DD was in her pjs. I asked SIL why she was still in pjs and she said she didn't know she wasn't dressed when she picked her up as she already had her coat on and they went out straight away.

I asked my mum what happened during pick up. She said she apologised for not getting DD dressed in the morning, she didn't have any spare clothes but knew SIL did so thought she would get DD ready before taking her out.

So either my mum is lying or SIL is.

Besides the point, you can tell what a child is wearing underneath their coat. DD's coat goes to just above her thighs. SIL would have been able to see her pj bottoms.

Mentioned this to DH who said he'd speak to SIL, but I don't think he has yet otherwise he would have informed me of the outcome of her conversation.

I've also now made a point of getting DD fully dressed before she goes to SIL. DH normally drops her off first thing, before she's even had breakfast, so she isn't dressed as SIL will dress her before going out (well I thought so anyway).

So AIBU to think that SIL knew DD was in her pjs and took her out anyway?

This happened a week ago, but I can't get it off my mind. I don't know if I should just let it go, but it just makes me so angry that my poor baby was taken out looking unkempt.

What does it matter. You should be grateful you get this help never mind all this nit picking and complaining. You are the unreasonable one here.

What's the betting that your next post will be 'my family won't offer any help with child care, why?'

This has reminded me of my eldest's toddler phase when he adored his Teletubbies pyjamas so much that he wanted to wear the top everywhere, all the time. It was often easier to go along with it so I got him an extra pair or two and for about six months he was usually found sporting a Teletubbies pyjama top.

Now he's in his last year of an economics degree and I look back on those days with so much nostalgia and love. It really doesn't matter if they go out in pjs sometimes (and I realise that after this thread, you don't need me telling you that)

Yep. Something tells me the OP is going to be 'that' parent who doesn't allow her child to paint, climb trees, or play outside.

Discusting

I often struggle to tell pj's and outfits apart tbh. But it's not about her being in pj's. Someone is lying to you about your child and I wouldn't let them have unsupervised contact with my DS.

I would have no issue if my dad said "he wasn't in a great mood and I didn't want to undress and redress him so he went out in his pjs" fine, no problem. But you don't lie about something in regards to someone else's child.

You should be providing clothed at sleepovers though. And you should be dressing your child before taking her to someone to look after. SIL is probably sick of having to dress your kid for you.

Reading things like this - a behind closed doors look at other people’s lives, I feel justified at having PND. Which has never really done away.

I can’t imagine what it would like to have a caring relative arrive at your house (so you don’t have to do all the drop-off business) feel peace of my that my child is being cared for by someone who loves her, and I can relax knowing I owe them nothing for it.

Not even guilt, because the next day my DC is being picked up by another relative who loves her so my mil doesn’t have to do overnight + next day childcare.

At the same time my child is building strong bonds with her female relatives.
You don’t know you’re born. Honestly.

Agree to be honest, if you're going to moan online about a 2-year-old being in PJs. YABU.

Someone has just written about her ex running off with her children and you’re waffling on about your child going out in pyjamas!

I think SIL probably did notice at some point but wasn't especially bothered by it because it didnt seem a big deal to her. You say you now drop your child off fully clothed. The thing is babies and todlers in PJs feels different to older children in PJs. I'd say 2 is a kind of in-between. If you're bundling her up in PJs and SIL only dresses her when she goes out I'd say it's no big deal. Now she's arriving fully dressed I'd say that set the expectation. Personally I'd have conveyed it differently....using my words....so a proper conversation following the pic on FB.
I'd also add it makes a big difference what sort of financial arrangement you have with your SIL. If you pay the going rate it's OK for you give instructions. If she's doing you a favour and you just bung her a few quid then there needs to be give and take.
Going forward I think expectations are clear.

We dont at all think this post was just created for SM hits do we?

Honestly, if the kid was happy I don't think it matters (as long as the PJs were decent, and it sounds as if they were, especially with a coat over them). 2 year olds look adorable whatever they wear.

I confess I haven't read whole thread. Would it make a difference in your head if the 2 year old had asked to wear their PJs?

That doesn't matter. You chose to read it - there isn't a size of problem that it's OK to post on MN. No problem too small, if it's bothering you!

YABVU and ungrateful. You are VERY lucky to have this level of family support with your child. Most people don’t.

Holy shit, pick your battles. Presumably this is free childcare you're getting?

It's good to have some perspective, though.

I don’t have barely any family help. One day. A week would be absolutely awesome to have in my life.

it wouldn’t even bother me

Some issues are worth fighting for, a 2 y.o in pjs with SIL in a coffee shop (and assuming she's spending a day a week with her while you work) is not worth even thinking about it.

Wouldn't get worked up over it, my 3 year old often wants to go out in her peppa pig pjs. SIL probably assumed your mum had dressed DD ready for the day given she was ready with her coat on.

I agree.

And ? You sound bloody ungrateful for the childcare they provide. If their standards are not good enough, pay for a nursery or childminder.

I find your reaction over the top. She’s 2 and in a comfortable cotton outfit.

YABVU and if I was your SIL doing free childcare I would be telling you where to go.

This. You are so lucky to have so much family support and involvement. If you keep this up you won’t.

There is no indication your SIL has lied - your mum didn't actually say she told SIL DD was in PJs and needed to be changed -
'I asked my mum what happened during pick up. She said she apologised for not getting DD dressed in the morning, she didn't have any spare clothes but knew SIL did so thought she would get DD ready before taking her out.'

So your mum assumed she would know they were PJ's and your SIL didn't notice. A lot of kids leggings and top sets can look like PJs and vice versa.

Either way you are being absolutely ridiculous, as if a 2 your old gives a shit.