Asked to keep it down in a restaurant.

[EmpressOfTheSofa]

Pretty mortified tbh but I don’t think this was right or fair.

We were a family group of 9 on a large table celebrating a birthday. It was a very ‘naice‘ restaurant (£30 main courses type of place) but the music was really loud. We were probably quite noisy but not obnoxiously so, we were laughing at childhood stories. Not swearing or shouting or chucking food or arguing.

In the middle of our main courses a waiter came over and asked us to please keep it down as another table had complained.

It really put a shadow over the whole thing. We go out as a family a few times a year and have NEVER been asked to be quiet or had any kind of complaint so I am fairly confident we weren’t actually arseholes. It was a large table so we weren’t whispering to each other, but equally not yelling. Although the music got really loud as the evening went on so we probably were ‘loud’ but only so we could converse.

I have worked in hospitality for many years and I just wouldn’t have had this conversation as a waiter unless someone was really disturbing other guests. I’d have nodded and smiled at the complainers and given them a free drink.

So, oh wise Mners. YABU you lot were clearly obnoxious arseholes who should have been thrown out. Or YANBU this was an odd thing to tell a large party in a busy and very loud restaurant.

If I had to sit next to a large group of people celebrating a 5th birthday or a 40th, I'd certainly choose the former!

Impossible to answer without having been there.

I think the restaurant are at fault here. Large group bookings are going to be louder, and unless the OP and her group were effing and blinding and trashing the place I can’t see how they were doing anything wrong? If you go out for a meal on a Saturday night you have to expect some noise. The restaurant should have ensure the larger group booking were separate from the smaller parties. Problem solved. Though I’d personally never complain about noisy co diners unless they were being rude or aggressive.

The loud music cannot have helped, that's more the issue I feel. The waiter seems to have acted reasonably.

I voted YANBU even though we had a similar issue recently.I cant hear very well and a woman with an annoying laugh was getting louder and louder .My adult DC couldnt hear either! However I wouldnt dream of complaining .Its their evening too .I think they should have sucked it up TBH

We've had a few dinners out ruined by loud people at a nearby table. When there are quite a few of you it seems everyone seems to gradually get louder and louder to get heard over one another. It's really horrible from our point of view as you pay good money to go out then can't hear each other talk so end up eating in silence.

I was out for dinner recently and a very annoying man at the next table spent most of the time there facetiming his family, showing them his meal etc etc. Was very loud and annoying! We still didn't complain though as these things happen and we were still enjoying each others company and the food etc.

I think its a bit pathetic that someone felt the need to complain when you were just having fun in what sounds like a very normal way!

I’ve been at venues (and probably have been loud) in large groups where people including me and friends/family have been loud and annoying! However, we normally keep it in check and consider others.

If you’re told to be quiet then yes you probably were very loud.

I was told once on a train (I’d just been talking, not a long journey!) to be quiet as we got off at the end destination. I did take things on board and appreciated I could be annoying/irritating in public.

There’s a woman neighbour next to me who has the loudest most irritating laugh ever. They rarely go out but have friends over and she gets drunk/drugged up and the laugh gets louder. It sounds exaggerated too.

This thread has made me think that there's probably a list of autism friendly restaurants out there that I will look up. Loud voices and loud laughter can be painful to me and my Dd.

I think you must have been obnoxiously loud for people to complain. I do think the music should have been turned down in addition.

Like pp I'd prefer a children's party to a group of adults.

I dunno. I wasn't there so it's hard to say. I wouldn't have complained about the noise levels you describe. I don't think I've ever complained about another table in a restaurant, maybe I've just been lucky! Big tables are always louder. I think if it had been really bad I would have just asked to be moved.

Sorry it spoiled your night.

I remember one meal that was spoilt completely by a large group. I’m sure they were on drugs or something, they were so bad.

I don’t think you were that bad but I guess people paying that sort of money want a peaceful evening. Did you ask for the music to be turned down so then you wouldn’t need to be so loud. Perhaps next time choose your venue bearing this in mind. Perhaps a cheaper place with a livelier vibe? Or a place with no music?

This feels like it’s being blown up into something far more than it was. Complaining is not some dramatic act if another table just said ‘could you ask that lot to keep it down a bit?’, surely?

The problem is most people who are overly loud don't even realise they are doing it, or just think it's normal. It's not.

I agree with PPs that I'd heave pointed out that we were shouting to be heard above the music!

You said 'another table'. Then 'another couple '. How do you know it was a couple?

You are sounding really obnoxious now and I can imagine that your whole party ruined everybody else’s night because you think you are more important. Couples don’t tend to go out and eat in silence btw, they just didn’t want to listen to you lot shouting and shrieking.

You should leave your review, it would probably be very helpful to the restaurant to have potential patrons know they don’t tolerate yobbish behaviour on their premises.

I don’t think you’re unreasonable. I think it’s mad that some people are saying you shouldn’t have gone somewhere fancy. If the restaurant don’t want larger tables which will by their nature be louder, then they are within their right to decline the booking!

do agree with some of the others though it’s hard to judge without being there

As somebody with suspect autism (I have adhd too), I wish restaurant's had a "quiet" area with very low music, no kids and where diners are expected to be quieter.

"I’d raise it with the restaurant manager."

Raise what? Other guests complained about our noise and we were politely asked to keep it down?

You may have been louder than you think especially if alcohol was consumed. I’ve asked to move before when we’ve been seated near a noisy group. If you’ve come out for a quiet meal there’s nothing worse than being seated near a loud party.

Yes it does really. There are more of us so our wishes are more important.

And the 'silence' part is really immature. They clearly weren't being asked to be silent.

Why is it impossible to say ooops, sorry of course we'll moderate our voices somewhat now that we know?

A few extroverts combined with family dynamics you will create a noise.

The worst I have experienced was a birthday do. Boy, the more they drank the worse they got. Inconsiderate and forgot they were not the only people paying for a meal out.

It did spoil the evening.

I come from a loud family who never ever think about others around them ie. they are only out to enjoy themselves etc. Always other peoples fault. They shouldn't be so fussy etc. Well. No. My family are at fault.

Was it somewhere like The Ivy? My dh and I went to one (not the London one) a few years ago for an evening meal. The music was SO loud that you couldn’t hear what the other person was saying! If we’d have been out with a larger group we’d have all been talking loudly. Not what I expected from them - music is fine at a certain level, but was on par with a club not 7pm!

I hate loud music in restaurants. I'd have asked them to turn this down first.

Personally would have booked a private room somewhere for a group that size.