Asked to keep it down in a restaurant.

[EmpressOfTheSofa]

Pretty mortified tbh but I don’t think this was right or fair.

We were a family group of 9 on a large table celebrating a birthday. It was a very ‘naice‘ restaurant (£30 main courses type of place) but the music was really loud. We were probably quite noisy but not obnoxiously so, we were laughing at childhood stories. Not swearing or shouting or chucking food or arguing.

In the middle of our main courses a waiter came over and asked us to please keep it down as another table had complained.

It really put a shadow over the whole thing. We go out as a family a few times a year and have NEVER been asked to be quiet or had any kind of complaint so I am fairly confident we weren’t actually arseholes. It was a large table so we weren’t whispering to each other, but equally not yelling. Although the music got really loud as the evening went on so we probably were ‘loud’ but only so we could converse.

I have worked in hospitality for many years and I just wouldn’t have had this conversation as a waiter unless someone was really disturbing other guests. I’d have nodded and smiled at the complainers and given them a free drink.

So, oh wise Mners. YABU you lot were clearly obnoxious arseholes who should have been thrown out. Or YANBU this was an odd thing to tell a large party in a busy and very loud restaurant.

What's the difference if it's children or adults being loud? This is what I don't get, why child noise is seemingly unacceptable but adult noise is fine.

It was just weird vibes. I’ll probably leave a review.

well, OP, you could read the countless (literally countless) threads on here about people who have had their evenings out ruined by loud people on other tables. So - meh. Get over it. And choose more carefully next time and keep it down.

Tbh if i read a review that said someone had been asked to be quieter? I'd definitely go there.

you each drank £50+ of alcohol over a couple of hours?
Even if that is the case which I doubt if it was as they would have had started, sides etc £50 isn’t that much in a swanky place. Where I go a glass of Ridgeview is £16.

People are often louder than they realise after having had a few drinks.

Tbh if i read a review that said someone had been asked to be quieter? I'd definitely go there.
Me too!

"Thanks waiter. If you could turn the music down we wouldn't have to talk so loudly."

This seems to be another one of those threads where you actually just wanted validation that you know you were in the right.

Was there any squealing? I don't think normal talking (even over loud music) should warrant a request for quiet. But I can't stand squealing and would have complained if the laughing has been like that.

Tbh if i read a review that said someone had been asked to be quieter? I'd definitely go there.
Me too!

Absolutely.

I think you probably were rather loud and disturbing other diners. Why would the waiting staff risk pissing you off if it wasn't true?

Eating out is usually awful. There will be music and it will be too loud such that people have to raise their voices, and then it has to go up a notch because everyone is doing it. Last week i was a party of two next to a large family group. Awful. Last month i was with a group of 6 friends and we were seated next to a couple. I cringed for them.

This is Mumsnet, where other people's children are always reviled 😂

Honestly, nigh-on everyone on here is a twat for the sake of it, lately.

I think you sound fine, OP. The restaurant sounds like it’s got its intended vibe mixed up. Loud music and big tables is not conducive with tinkly fine dining.

And it’s a shame they’ve put a dampener on your birthday party with your family.

And seeing as you posted it at 8:12am, you’re hardly like to have been absolutely leathered last night.

I’d raise it with the restaurant manager.

I dont doubt that but it is a clear example that alcohol was consumed. I doubt they were not crawling on the floor but even a couple of glasses of wine livens up a partys volume.

Yes. Minor inconveniences like keeping it down. It cuts both ways.

For someone to complain, AND the waiter to actually pass the message on... Yes, you were too loud.

I hate being next to a large group in a restaurant, even if they’re behaving perfectly reasonably just the number of people makes it loud. I don’t complain because it’s a public space, but I think restaurants should attempt to place large groups in the most suitable space where they deserve the fewest people. It’s awful when you turn up at an expensive place and there’s on massive table in the centre for the huge group and then everyone else is shoved to the side like an accessory and guaranteed to be disturbed.

I think coming over and telling you to keep it down was the worst solution - it marred the evening for you and didn’t particularly help the couple who complained. They probably wanted a different table.

Why are adults allowed to be loud if children are not?

I was out with a friend recently in a fairly pricy restaurant. When we arrived, the music was fairly low level. As the evening progressed , the music got louder and louder and we ended up almost shouting at each other in order to have a conversation, to the point that, had we not been in the middle of a meal, I'd have suggested we went elsewhere.
Had staff said anything to me, I would have pointed out that the volume of music made it impossible to to anything other than be very loud.

I think you probably were rather loud and disturbing other diners. Why would the waiting staff risk pissing you off if it wasn't true?

I think this sounds the most likely. A waiter isn't likely to ask you to be quieter unless you were quite loud. Large groups can get quite loud without really realising it, and you do say that you were probably quite noisy. If you think you were noisy, it's likely that you were overly loud.

I don't think the waiter did anything wrong, just asked you to keep it down a bit, which isn't unreasonable. You could have asked for the music to be turned down a bit, which may have helped. It's a shame you felt it put a dampener on the evening, but I think you probably were just a bit loud, and all you had to do was be a little quieter after the request.

Well tbh I do slightly think that the needs of a large table to be able to converse in a loud restaurant outweigh the needs of a couple to eat dinner in silence.

I think this says it all.

Agree with most that YABU. Having been near family groups having a "catch up", I don't want to hear your childhood stories clear as day, swearing or not. I want to hear the person I'm with, not the time you went sleepwalking at grandma's house and ended up sleeping in the bathtub.

For it to have been brought up to a table full of people drinking and trying to speak over loud music you were probably louder than necessary. I hate places with loud music though. My family and a group of friends were once in Flora Lima during a visit to London and the music was SO loud you could barely hear the person beside you talking to you never mind everyone else.

The thing is, you say you had to be loud to be heard over the music.

Your table neighbours had the loud music AND nine loud people to deal with. They probably couldn't hear themselves never mind each other.

A thirty quid mains place is somewhere couples go for a real treat. A table of nine next to you is not what you'd hope for. Even without music, conversation involving all nine is going to involve loud voices in order to reach the other ends of the table.

Agreed that they wouldn't have come over unless you were all being really loud.
Most people don't realise how loud they are being and it isn't fair on other diners who just want a nice quiet meal.