Asked to keep it down in a restaurant.

[EmpressOfTheSofa]

Pretty mortified tbh but I don’t think this was right or fair.

We were a family group of 9 on a large table celebrating a birthday. It was a very ‘naice‘ restaurant (£30 main courses type of place) but the music was really loud. We were probably quite noisy but not obnoxiously so, we were laughing at childhood stories. Not swearing or shouting or chucking food or arguing.

In the middle of our main courses a waiter came over and asked us to please keep it down as another table had complained.

It really put a shadow over the whole thing. We go out as a family a few times a year and have NEVER been asked to be quiet or had any kind of complaint so I am fairly confident we weren’t actually arseholes. It was a large table so we weren’t whispering to each other, but equally not yelling. Although the music got really loud as the evening went on so we probably were ‘loud’ but only so we could converse.

I have worked in hospitality for many years and I just wouldn’t have had this conversation as a waiter unless someone was really disturbing other guests. I’d have nodded and smiled at the complainers and given them a free drink.

So, oh wise Mners. YABU you lot were clearly obnoxious arseholes who should have been thrown out. Or YANBU this was an odd thing to tell a large party in a busy and very loud restaurant.

Of course it is….?

I’m talking about the situation described in the OP though, which is what the thread is about.

I hate hearing loudmouths conversations at restaurants, if another table are forced to hear your conversation, then you are too loud.

Perhaps email the restaurant and outline to them, that their choice of music level creates the need for raised voices and the noise pollution complaint impacted your enjoyment of their establishment.

A few times now I have had to complain because the sound of various people at the next table was so loud I couldn't hear the person I was sitting with. I honestly don't think they realised just how loud they were. In both instances, I went and asked the people concerned to speak more quietly, and they did (although they did give me evils and continued to do so for the rest of our meal). It wouldn't have occurred to me to complain to a waiter.

That's down to the restaurant. If they don't want bookings for larger groups of people, and can't deal with the potential outcome of doing so, then they shouldn't take them. It should be fairly obvious that when the wine starts to flow and there's a large party of people, conversation does have a habit of becoming lively.

If the place was busy and loud, then one of two things was the case. Either the OP's table-mates were being a lot more raucous than she realizes, or other diners in the place were unrealistic in expecting a quiet meal in a 'busy, loud' restaurant. If the latter is the ambience of the place then maybe the complainant is the one who has chosen the wrong venue and needs to adjust their expectations.

No one expects to go to a restaurant for a joyless meal eaten Trappist style in silence.

As for the 'loud, fake' laughers mentioned upthread, when I'm in restaurants or railway carriages I always seem to be seated within earshot of Salacious Crumb. Yes it grates, but it's bot really my place to complain because someone has an annoying laugh.

By the way noise has nothing to do with age. You suggest in one post you were all being good and 'no swearing' as elderly parents were there.

Don't know what you mean by elderly but they can be loud too. My mother could easily forget where she was and be very noisy.

And I hope that it doesn't mean you normally indulge in swearing if out for a meal but your parents are not with you ?!

The music was probably really loud because they were trying to drown you out. When the volume would not go any higher the waiter needed to have a word.

Honestly what is the point in people starting these threads if they never take any of the responses on board.

So the music was loud but this group was still loud enough to annoy other diners. They were too loud because if they weren't the music would have drowned out their chatter and laughter.

Bit of a different response here.

Agree we weren’t there so hard to comment but my instinct is that you shouldn’t have been asked to be quiet/quieter unless you were using abusive language/swearing that others could find offensive.

Having been in both positions, as a couple in restaurants and part of a group which can get loud, I just think live and let live.

As I’ve got older I kind of think good for them/what harm are they doing, I like seeing people enjoying themselves because I am incredibly nosy.

Also

Given the fact you described the venue as ‘naice‘ leads me to form the opinion that yes, your group probably was too loud.

@EmpressOfTheSofa - to have a complaint I'd say you were too loud and annoying. And I was a little bit surprised that you said you weren't swearing or chucking food around. As if sometimes you would...

it was pretty good for conversation before the music got loud. And yes there was lots of laughter and I can imagine it being annoying

Oh dear sounds like the music was turned up to drown out your noise for the other tables. I wouldn't stew on it OP, it's a shame it put a dampener on your evening, but seems like that was the wrong restaurant for the kind of celebration you were having, but to be fair they shouldn't have taken a large group booking if they didn't want too much noise!

Wow. That's quite a comment.

Next time, book a private room and be as loud as you like. 9 people all screeching with mirth is always going to be really loud. It's lovely to get together and enjoy yourselves so book a private diningroom and let quieter folk enjoy their night out, too.

Who knows if you were too loud or not, but I do think you're reaction is very extreme. Being asked to keep it down slightly shouldn't lead to all this stewing and resentment or falling over each other with embarrassment. Just toning it down slightly. I don't really see what the big deal is. Perhaps the waiters didn't tell you in a nice enough way? But I don't really see it's so unreasonable to be asked to tone it down slightly or why that's the equivalent of being asked to sit in silence as you keep saying. There is a happy medium and surely it's possible to be asked to modify the noise a bit without being so extreme about it? Similarly if you felt the music was too loud to hear yourselves over, it was perfectly reasonable to mention this and ask for it to be turned down, surely? I'm not sure why all the affrontedness.

I’d have pointed out to the waiter that if they didn’t want excessive noise they should turn down the music to allow normal conversation.

I would have asked them to turn the music down as you'd come out for a family meal not to go to a nightclub, it was their fault you were having to compete with the music to chat. I wouldn't have sent the complainers a free drink and wouldn't have left a tip if that's how they treat paying customers.

You would be missing the point completely if you think sending a free drink to the complainers would work. Would you carry on being loud?
And why would the restaurant tell you who complained.
I would be very miffed if the restaurant identified me as 'the person who complained'.

The restaurant is at fault here. Loud music means that everyone has to talk loudly, plus taking bookings for large tables when they perhaps don't have the space or anything to deaden sound, as seems trendy now. They should have offered to move those who complained if it were that noisy but I would personally expect any restaurant to be busy and noisy at 9pm on a Saturday night. There was no need to make you all feel bad. Yes, you were probably being noisy but it wasn't handled well. I wouldn't leave a review, just don't go there again. Some of the nasty comments on this thread though, completely unnecessary.

I haven’t read all 14 pages but is it possible the music was turned up to try and mask the noise you were all making??

It does seem like you must have been pretty loud for the waiter to have intervened... But I’m sorry it spoiled your special meal, that does suck!

Very poor of the restaurant. At the end of the day, it's their restaurant and craft. The manager would be observing every aspect of the floor and the waiting staff are working the floor reporting back to them any potential issues in customer behaviour. They would know what's above normal volumes or excessive. If a large group is being 'loud', then way before anyone complains, a good manager would diplomatically have a word with the table. Saying "a table has complained" is passing the buck. If they have to have a word with a table it should have nothing to do with the other table but they themselves as owners/manager/staff should simply say the table is being a little loud.

Peter Street Kitchen by any chance?!

I think a waiter would have a hard time saying something if they also didn't feel you were being very loud. It doesn't sound like you were being obnoxious at all, but it's hard for smaller tables around larger/louder ones to enjoy their meal. This recently happened when I took my elderly Mum out. She has reasonable hearing and it's not a problem normally but we were near a group of 6 and it wasn't a nice way to spend an hour.

I often think for groups of larger than 6, choosing a restaurant where there's a section/room/bit to the side for a larger group is the best thing. Not your responsibility but I've seen restaurants without that who say they can't accomodate groups bigger than 6 and I've never thought anything of it, but I do wonder if that's why.

But there's the issue isn't it, that everyone is only bothered about their customer service, they're not in the slightest bit interested in other people's or the impact they're having on people they're sharing the space with, that's someone else's problem - and if they're asked to behave with some consideration then they think that's bad customer service to them.

I knew there'd be comments that the restaurant/waiter were out of order - so easy to blame someone else and refuse to take any responsibility for your own behaviour when you've got a ready made scapegoat there to conveniently take the fall.

Having experienced this from the side of the "staff", there's only one thing that's certain - they're the ones who are going to get the blame, and have likely lost revenue because they'll probably have had to give some sort of discount to the people who complained.

I think it's quite likely that the restaurant turned the music up to drown the party out and when that didn't work they had to speak to them and ask them to keep it down, especially as OP says they turned the music up after a while. You do expect noise from larger parties and you try to manage that the best way you can, and you don't speak to a table unless you really have to, because you know the response you're likely to get and despite what people seem to think, you're not going to put yourself squarely in the firing line for shits and giggles.

I’ve just had a nosey around Tripadvisor and their bad reviews are all about it being noisy, with rude staff and mediocre food.

I really don’t think it was us. As I’ve said we go out frequently as a whole family and have never been asked/told to be quiet. I think the restaurant is just a bit crap generally.

DH has just said he’s not sure there was even a complaint as the waiter actually just said ‘can you keep the volume down’. Reading reviews of people being told off by the staff for such crimes as asking for a table and wanting to have a drink at the bar makes me think this is a them issue.

So they didnt say there been a complaint from anyone else at all?