Asked to keep it down in a restaurant.

[EmpressOfTheSofa]

Pretty mortified tbh but I don’t think this was right or fair.

We were a family group of 9 on a large table celebrating a birthday. It was a very ‘naice‘ restaurant (£30 main courses type of place) but the music was really loud. We were probably quite noisy but not obnoxiously so, we were laughing at childhood stories. Not swearing or shouting or chucking food or arguing.

In the middle of our main courses a waiter came over and asked us to please keep it down as another table had complained.

It really put a shadow over the whole thing. We go out as a family a few times a year and have NEVER been asked to be quiet or had any kind of complaint so I am fairly confident we weren’t actually arseholes. It was a large table so we weren’t whispering to each other, but equally not yelling. Although the music got really loud as the evening went on so we probably were ‘loud’ but only so we could converse.

I have worked in hospitality for many years and I just wouldn’t have had this conversation as a waiter unless someone was really disturbing other guests. I’d have nodded and smiled at the complainers and given them a free drink.

So, oh wise Mners. YABU you lot were clearly obnoxious arseholes who should have been thrown out. Or YANBU this was an odd thing to tell a large party in a busy and very loud restaurant.

We had appetisers, starters, mains and sides. I had a cocktail when we got there and a glass of wine with my mains. Dh was drinking tap water. We paid for a quarter of the birthday boy’s bill. £206 total.

To answer some other questions, we were right in the middle of the restaurant on an oval table, it was pretty good for conversation before the music got loud. And yes there was lots of laughter and I can imagine it being annoying. But what I can’t imagine is actually complaining in this situation, or acting on it as a member of staff. It’s a noisy restaurant.

People are weird. Anyway, I didn’t really enjoy it overall as the main course was a bit blah and the toilets were weirdly dark. I’m probably just not hip enough (yes, Brighton).

It may not have been YOU Op who was noisy. But your table as a whole. So what you drank is a bit neither here nor there.
A recipe for a loud table can be :
A few extroverts
Siblings who talk over one another all the time
People who forget where they are
People who don't give consider others
A few on the table who have had a bit too much to drink

Any number of above and you have a loud party.

Sometimes people use AIBU when actually what they want is a bit of empathy.

So.

No one can tell, op, if you were obnoxious arseholes as we weren't there.

BUT.

I'm sorry it ruined your night, I think I would have felt that sense of shame you spoke about in your shoes as well, and that's particularly gutting when it's a) a family event and b) cost a fortune.

Well tbh I do slightly think that the needs of a large table to be able to converse in a loud restaurant outweigh the needs of a couple to eat dinner in silence.

Why do you assume the couple wanted to be silent? If you're in a restaurant and a large, loud group are dominating things, it might just be that you want to talk, but don't want to have to bellow to be heard, so end up being silent.

It's odd that they didn't turn the music down. However, IME some people are a lot, lot louder than they realise and it's often socially confident, middle class people who are used to being prioritised. They just don't quite twig that other people are also important and that if they dialed it down just a little bit, perhaps those other people could have a normal conversation. Without being there, it's impossible to say, but it is something to bear in mind.

You said yourself that you were probably quite noisy so I don't understand why you've made a post about it

You were being loud in a nice restaurant ruining other people's evenings so you were asked to tone it down

You sound more obnoxious with every post.

You obviously don’t think you are being unreasonable but from everything you have said I do think you and your table were being extremely annoying.

Why shouldn’t someone say something if they feel their evening is being ruined?

Oh, Brighton 😀

I lived there for years after having lived in the North East and Ireland; places where people tend to spend a lot less time trying to appear laid back and cool.

Brightonians are obsessed with appearing laid back and low key in my opinion.

I expect you upset some terribly cool people with your clear enjoyment of the evening.

You're going to leave a review?

Don't forget to mention that you were being loud and got told to shut up

Your ego seems to have been damaged and now you're butt hurt

Get over it and just accept that you were being loud and annoying other diner's enjoyment

Tbh, people who are told they are being too noisy are not going to admit to it, because inconsiderate people rarely acknowledge that they’re being inconsiderate. I would guess the waiter wouldn’t have acted if he thought the complainers didn’t have a point to make. Just learn from it -might make you more self aware in the future. Also would say that ‘naice’ restaurants rarely play loud music.

But why should the couple be moved because your table is too loud ?

I'll be honest, loud tables and over the top laughing that drowns out conversations of other tables pisses me off. Eventually everyone gets loud to drown each other out and it turns into a Wetherspoons ambience

I suspect the music volume was turned up in an attempt to drown out the sound of the noisy group in the centre of the restaurant.

impossible to say really as not there to hear it.
However, I’m guessing,
if someone complained and the waiter spoke to you, you must have been too loud.

Hopefully memories of the meal won’t be overshadowed

The thing is, if the OP had posted something like

DH and I went out for a quiet meal and it was ruined by a loud, jolly family at a big table in the middle of the room. We asked the waiter if they’d keep it down and he agreed to ask them - we were unreasonable?

I bet there would be loads of posts saying that was unreasonable, can’t expect a big family group to be silent, etc.

It is just MN, @EmpressOfTheSofa . I used to regularly work with people with learning difficulties who could be quite loud, especially if hearing impaired. It happens.

I don't think anyone ever realises their loud until its pointed out to them.

So it’s quite an expensive restaurant m. You spent less than £100 per head, but still think that restaurant should have the attitude that the wants of a large party should outweigh the wants of other people. No one asked you to eat in silence. So no point pretending that’s what another customer wanted.

It’s also highly unlikely that only one table complained and the staff didn’t agree that you were loud, or they wouldn’t have said anything. Either several people complained or the staff agreed.

The fact that you felt shame, suggests that you know you were loud but hadn’t considered it would annoy others.

This goes back to what I said earlier large parties often think that restaurants should put them and their wants ahead of the rest of the customers because their bill will be large. But often spend per head, it isn’t. And more money is made off smaller tables.

I think personally (I know Brighton well and it’s restaurants) that you and your family have got to be pretty damned annoying (and for over an hour or more) for someone to complain and the waiter to act on this.

If you’re screeching with loud laughter and speaking loudly continually then yes, that could be annoying.

If I’m out and we get over excited and catch other people staring and looking then of course you’d dial it down a bit unless you’re complete dicks…

No one likes being told they’re loud or to quieten down!

You accept you may have been loud with your laughter, but it comes down to the point that as a large group, you expected to have it all your way, be as loud as you wanted and treated as VIPs, and being told to keep it down was completely unacceptable.

I’m generally wondering if you’re a manager at a weatherspoons or something where noisy tables are the norm and you therefore think you could be as loud as you wanted with no one allowed to complain.

When I was out in London a few weeks back, my friend and I went for dinner on a Saturday evening at what would considered a good restaurant. The fillet steak was £39. There was a table next to us with at least 20 adults and children. They did not make a lot of noise at all. Nobody had to ask them to keep the noise down.

You've said yourself there was lots of laughter, you were probably quite noisy and annoying. And you're surprised there was a complaint? Why shouldn't people complain if you're ruining their evening?

@EmpressOfTheSofa

maybe try a Harvester or Wetherspoons next time OP?

"We weren't chucking food or arguing" 😂

You were being obnoxiously loud, pack it in.

Spontaneous belly laughter expressing joy, or the performance social kind that gets louder and louder?

So what if you were a bit loud. Sounds like you won't go back. The complaining table were probably a bored self-important couple with nothing to say to each other. As an ex-hospitality person I can say when I was young, we used to turn the music up on a Saturday night for the staff's benefit.

The "I'm wondering if you're a manager of a Wetherspoon's, op" comment is the most passive-aggressive mumsnet thing ever. Very funny 😂😂

I enjoyed that one, too 🤣🤣