Asked to keep it down in a restaurant.

[EmpressOfTheSofa]

Pretty mortified tbh but I don’t think this was right or fair.

We were a family group of 9 on a large table celebrating a birthday. It was a very ‘naice‘ restaurant (£30 main courses type of place) but the music was really loud. We were probably quite noisy but not obnoxiously so, we were laughing at childhood stories. Not swearing or shouting or chucking food or arguing.

In the middle of our main courses a waiter came over and asked us to please keep it down as another table had complained.

It really put a shadow over the whole thing. We go out as a family a few times a year and have NEVER been asked to be quiet or had any kind of complaint so I am fairly confident we weren’t actually arseholes. It was a large table so we weren’t whispering to each other, but equally not yelling. Although the music got really loud as the evening went on so we probably were ‘loud’ but only so we could converse.

I have worked in hospitality for many years and I just wouldn’t have had this conversation as a waiter unless someone was really disturbing other guests. I’d have nodded and smiled at the complainers and given them a free drink.

So, oh wise Mners. YABU you lot were clearly obnoxious arseholes who should have been thrown out. Or YANBU this was an odd thing to tell a large party in a busy and very loud restaurant.

If you've worked in hospitality then surely you know that you are probably being unreasonable. Your party was louder than you realised. FOH staff don't want to pass on a complaint to your table unless it's justified, why the F would they?

The fact that you're going to leave a negative review for being asked to keep it down a bit speaks volumes.

Your £ is important to them, but it's not more important to them than anybody else's.

I’d have asked the waiter to turn down the music so you would t have to shout to be heard.
I hate it when music is loud in restaurants it’s entirely unnecessary and if they’re the sort of place that insists on playing loud music to be edgy and appeal to the youth market, then they’ve no right to tell folk to be quiet.
We had a restaurant near us that always insisted on loud music at the weekend and refused to turn it down, it was mentioned in reviews they went to the extent of actually stating they were appealing to a young clientele at weekends and if it’s not to “your taste” don’t come. Well they went bust after a short while.

I went to a restaurant the other week, similar so quite loud music, not a quiet restaurant vibe. Halfway through our meal a large family table came in of 10 people and the atmosphere literally changed, they were SO LOUD and all talking over each other, screeching and laughing. It was ridiculous and all of the other tables were looking round. They were completely oblivious.

Nothing worse than being sat near a table of a braying, oblivious group. It absolutely could have been ruining other diners’ meals.

Bit I also get that the music should not have been too loud.

But as a restaurant manager if I’d had a couple complain about the noise, unless the party were out of order I would have appeased or moved the couple rather than disturb the party.

Logical conclusion: you were out of order.

After working in hospitality for several years at Management level, I would say you were probably a lot louder than you think you were for waiting staff to have had to say something to your table. I am guessing it was a long table rather than a round one, therefore people of your party conversing from one end to another. If I am part of a long table I tend to move around to converse with different people without the need for raising my voice.

I don't know why you keep repeating that there was no swearing, as if that somehow makes any difference? If your table was loud, it is loud, swearing or not. I wouldn't dwell on it, just be more mindful of other diners when eating out on a large table in the future.

So over £200 for yours and dh’s bill. £30 a main £20 starter (est.).

So you spent £100 on booze so I imagine you were drunker thank you allude to and as such were much louder than you believe you were.

People are often really loud in restaurants and nobody says anything.

So I am sorry OP, but I think you were being much louder than you think you were if a waiter actually raised it with you.

I agree loud music is a pain and not needed.

I don’t think you sound outrageously entitled. I think it sounds a bit badly managed. I might have said I’d be happy to talk more quietly but that it’s difficult with such loud music and could they please turn it down.

How awful! I've never heard of a restaurant that didn't allow any laughing, how loud can child laughter even be?

So over £200 for yours and dh’s bill. £30 a main £20 starter (est.)So you spent £100 on booze so I imagine you were drunker thank you allude to and as such were much louder than you believe you were

What a reach! Fine dining can easily be £100 per head.

Another table had complained, they clearly thought you were too loud and lessening their enjoyment of their night.

It's actually good customer service from the staff to act on those customers' complaints rather than ignoring them.

We recently went to a restaurant (michelin star but not hugely posh) where there were two couples who'd obviously had a lot to drink before even arriving and literally could not avoid talking at the absolute top of their voices in their janner (giving it away there) accents. The whole restaurant knew about their trip to Turkey to get their teeth fixed and the hen do at Butlins. I thought it was quite amusing and enjoyed having a chuckle at their antics but the waitress spoke to them about it (don't know if someone else complained). She was very sweet with them though and definitely didn't make them feel bad or like they were being told off. Then though they all kept trooping out to have a cigarette and leaving the door open behind them which was about 1000 times more annoying.

For a big family dinner where the drink is going to be flowing I'd probably choose somewhere different and stick to smaller numbers for the posh places.

Just because you are a large group doesn't mean you have to be louder than the same number of people made up of smaller groups. If I'm on a table of 10, I don't expect to carry on a conversation with someone at the other end of the table whilst we are both in our seats.

The ops literally said that the restaurant was expensive at £30 a main. She also said she didn’t have dessert. I missed whether she’d said she actually had a starter, and the pp was very generous imo giving an estimate of £20 for a starter each. So yes, £100 max for the food. Which leaves a lot more for alcohol

Well, not necessarily. If you have a couple who go regularly then in the course of six months or so they may well spend a lot more than a table who go once.

And a couple could be dining out to see what it is like before booking a larger party.

A restaurant that doesn't take care of all of their customers will soon go downhill. No, a large table is not more important.

And badly behaved ones certainly are not.

Why didn't the family moaning, come over and join in, talk to you etc and engage.

It's because they don't know how to cope, they are boring farts and they'd rather complain than have fun.
Humans when your out, and see people having fun, smile and join in. If you don't know how to your the problem.

No. It is because they could not be confident as to how people who are already inconsiderate would react.

And so is best attended to by staff.

And because they don't want to have an evening with people they don't know.

Really? You'd walk over to a large table of strangers and try and insert yourself into their evening? Bonkers. Truly bonkers.

Are you for real?

Always when there is conversation about people being noisy, others take it that people who don’t like excessive noise are boring or jealous.

i do hate it when the mujsic is so loud you cant hear each other-why do they do that when youre eating

i wold have said we have to talk loud because of the music

No you don't. Not so loud that you are a nuisance to others.

A group of ten people is hardly going to be any louder than five tables of two.

They are more likely to be. People forget where they are.