To have abandoned them

[Iyjd]

We live about 35 minutes drive from DSCs Mum and we usually have them every weekend for the full weekend, this weekend she had plans so asked if she could have them from 10am yesterday and she would pick them up, DP normally does all pick ups and drop offs.

I had an appointment 10 minutes from her house at 10:15 so offered to meet her at 10 somewhere local and then drive the extra 5 minutes to my appointment instead of her driving here and back. I was on time with her DDs (9&11). At 10:10 she hadn’t arrived and I was worried about my appointment, it was important to me and I had prepaid so didn’t want to lose my money, there is a costa next door so I drove and parked up and put DSCs in there with hot chocolate and went to my appointment, oldest DSC messaged her Mum telling her where to pick them up from as we drove down.

I came out of my appointment and they were still sat in Costa without their Mum so I sat with them until about 10:45 when she arrived, when she came in she said sorry to her DDs for being late because she “got chatting to her friend in Tesco” and seemed to smirk at me. When they went to hug me bye she told them they didn’t have time and she blanked me.

A couple of hours later she’s been ringing my DP constantly and screaming down the phone about me putting her children in danger and that she will be contacting the police, social services and my work (I’m a teacher) about how I am unsafe around children. There have been some horrific texts about me saying she will let everyone know that I’m a danger and how I neglect children. I cannot get pregnant and a few years ago DSC1 asked if I would have a baby and DP explained that I can’t (with my agreement) and she must have told her Mum, this is now plastered all over her Facebook saying it is gods way of protecting the child from my harm (my friend checked her Facebook and called me after I had mentioned the incident yesterday, I didn’t ask and didn’t really want to know and she’s agreed not to in future).

I’m just wondering if it was acceptable to leave them in Costa, people I know irl have said yes but I’m not sure if they are just backing me up out of kindness.

Yes timings are correct. It’s is all on the same street of a small village. I was 5 minutes late for my appointment and it was only quick.

And my partner would have been at least half an hour, meaning my appointment would have been completely missed.

Let her report you to SS if she wants, then you can also report her for doing the same! She is worse for dropping them off when she's not even going to be right next door.

She's shot herself in the foot because next time she needs a favour, you would be perfectly reasonable to refuse point blank on the basis that a) she cannot be relied on to to turn up on time and b) she doesn't trust you to make decisions regarding her dc safety.

Unreasonable to leave them in a coffee shop on their own. You should have taken them with you to your appointment and they'd have been alright in a waiting room. If she then had ended up having to wait for you to get back, then tough titty.

She's unreasonable to be kicking off like she is.

Well clearly if the appointment was pre paid and the op would lose her money, then it couldn't be re arranged. And it wouldn't make a difference anyway. Either the children can be left for half an hour. Or they can't. Regardless of the reason why. It makes no difference to the child's capability.

Tbh i think you were both in the wrong...you for leaving them in Costa and her for being a massive drama queen/ arse about it.

I have screenshots that I will send to the headteacher tomorrow, unfortunately he has had the joy of speaking to her before with false allegations so I’m not too concerned.

So from now on don't get involved in the childcare. You drove them to meet her because she requested it. If she wants any future favours let it come down to whether or not your DP can help. Or if it can't be avoided, don't let her know you have somewhere else to be because you know now that she will use it against you.

Though if she's reported you falsely before you're very within your rights to block her on everything and have nothing more to do with her.

Well their Mum is certainly spiteful, one rule for her - DC can go to costa on their own when it suits and another rule for their Dad.

No more favours, everything arranged through their Dad.

Poor DC not even being allowed to say goodbye 😳

She is blocked on everything, I did that a few weeks ago, I have a post about that too. DP has told me off for being bothered because he said I should only care about the opinions of those I respect. He has also blocked her now and told her all contact must go through a solicitor.
My friend said her post about me has gone, I don’t know if that was her choice or if Facebook deleted it or a friend had a quiet word.

At 9 and 11 the kids are old enough to walk to school themselves so waiting in a store with a milkshake seems acceptable. They had a phone. You were coming back. They were wainting for Mum. I don't see a problem except with how their mother over reacted.

She must be remarkably stupid to shoot herself in the foot like this.

Wow, i am just gosmacked that perfectly "average" 9 and 11 year olds aren't deemed old enough to sit in a public place on their own for a short period by so many people. Are children so utterly unreliable and incapable these days?

I cannot see any problem with what you did op! You sound bloody nice and generous and I bet those kids love spending weekends with you.
Costa’s hardly a high risk environment and you dropped them there, went next door and went straight back there after your appointment. You know they’re sensible kids and therefore not going to wander off. Don’t rise to the cow, she’s probably very jealous of you and I expect she was being petty because you brought them back earlier than normal.

At age 11 I'd be allowed to take my younger brother to the park, he would have been 9. It was normal to walk to the local park (maybe 10-15 min walk from home max) with your younger siblings when you're a Year 6/7!

So, I think an 11 year old should be perfectly capable to sit in a coffee shop at a table with a 9 year old!

OP I'd have done the same thing - my DDs are in their 20s now but had a similar age difference.

To all the people claiming that they would never do this, as a secondary school teacher, this goes a long way to explaining how utterly inept a few y7 and y8 students are. Due to strike action on Thursday, some students worked from home. As my union was not striking, I was expected to teach them remotely. One kid was missing but joined 40 minutes late. When I asked where he had been, he said his parents had to run some errands and wouldn't let him stay home alone. This was less than an hour after the previous lesson and he's 13!

Wow OP you must have the patience of a Saint to have continued helping her with favours after she made unfounded allegations to your employer previously! I think what you did was absolutely fine. The girls were safe and happy with the arrangement and had done it before. Presumably they knew where to find you nearby if needed. I agree with pps that she probably intended to make you miss your appointment, hence the smirk, and she furious her plan was foiled. I can imagine her thinking "I'm going to make the bitch wait so she knows I'm boss".

they had at least 1 phone and had contacted the mum. If she was so concerned then she'd have left her chat with a friend and turned up for her kids.

Spoy on!

Her reaction is way over the top but personally I wouldnt dream of leaving a 9 and 11 y/o alone in a coffee shop.

Loads of Year 5 and Year 6/7 children (OP’s step children ages) walk to school alone and play out with their friends without adult supervision. Totally normal age. OP left the dc in a coffee shop next door and returned within half an hour. Zero child neglect. The DC’s mum neglected them though.

What do people actually think is going to happen to a (presumably well behaved) 9 and 11 year old, sat in a public coffee shop drinking hot chocolate, alone, for 30 mins?

Why?

Regardless of the situation, I would never have left someone else’s children in a coffee shop by themselves, she’s right for being annoyed.

I would let my 9 year old sit in Costa with a hot chocolate for half hour, if he had his phone so he could contact me. And you've said their mum let's them too. She clearly thought it was worth a try to make you miss your appointment and she's bummed it didn't work out. YANBU! She is!

I have to wonder why some people would expect anyone to want to do childcare for them if they're going to be angry at them for doing the same things they themselves do, on the basis that they are not their children.

Why would you hold somebody else to a higher standard than yourself and expect them to be willing to do it?