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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sunday morning lifts and bloody McDonald's

548 replies

reddwarfgeek · 04/03/2023 21:01

Just a rant really.
My partner is going to away football to tomorrow. He'll be out of the house all day from 8am to 9pm. He's asked me for a lift to the train station, but not content with that he wants to go via McDonald's for a breakfast. It's slightly out of the way and will mean leaving house at 7:30am to get an 8:45am train, thus adding extra time on, probably means get up at 6:30am. I know that isn't that early for some people but I work 4 days and we have an early start Saturdays for DDs hobby. Sunday is the only day we have that's more relaxing. I have to get DD (5) sorted up and dressed etc.
He said the reason he wants to go to McDonald's is he won't have any other chance to eat anything all day! I find this hard to believe! The train journey is long but what about the other 10 hours? Anyway, we had a big argument and he said I'm a moaning cunt and that I'm making him drink on an empty stomach. Aww ..didums! 13 hours free time on a Sunday apparently isn't enough 🙈 it all seems a bit ungrateful.

I've no issue with the lift I just don't want to go to McDonald's at 8am on a Sunday morning thus likely making us late. The one nearby has issues with being short staffed and getting orders wrong, so I've no doubt it wouldn't be straightforward. We do have food in the house to eat for breakfast, he just doesn't want it.
AIBU?

OP posts:
Crumpetdisappointment · 05/03/2023 08:25

i had to check you werent talking about a ds, wanting a mcdonalds!

did you do it?

Crumpetdisappointment · 05/03/2023 08:26

i assume its today?

if not, suggest he makes a picnic

OheeOheeOh · 05/03/2023 08:33

My husband would do this for me, in fact he has given me lifts to the station at stupid times of day lots, young kids in tow and during the weekend. I think asking for your husband or wife to do this in itself there's nothing wrong with it and most people in a good loving relationship would, the issue is your relationship has clearly come to an end, you don't want to do something nice and he has no respect and speaks to you like dirt. You need to break up quite simple, doesn't sound like either of you like each other.

MeridianB · 05/03/2023 08:35

ghostyslovesheets · 04/03/2023 21:03

he said I'm a moaning cunt for that alone he'd be getting a sodding Uber in the moring

This. The lift and breakfast is the very least of your worries if this is how he speaks to you. Please don’t settle for this.

TeenagersAngst · 05/03/2023 08:37

sashh · 05/03/2023 07:47

Get McDonalds delivered?

My local one delivers from 7.00 am and you can pre order.

Aside from the fact you're spectacularly missing the point, OP already said the closest McDonalds is out of their way, hence having to get up earlier.

Aprilx · 05/03/2023 08:40

I thought you were being a bit mean about the lift to be honest, it is not that early and working four days a week doesn’t change that. My husband and I would get up for each other when required. We would never ever call each other such vile names however, you should not be putting up with that, not even once never mind on a regular basis.

Mangolist · 05/03/2023 08:42

He called you a cunt and is going to drink 15 pints? This sounds pretty grim to me. Please, please don't let this continue.
I know it's easy to say, but as an escapee of dv, mental and physical, when my child was small, I am really concerned for you.

FeinCuroxiVooz · 05/03/2023 08:43

Well given the time, the decision will have been made by now - what happened OP?

For me, being called a cunt would be a total dealbreaker, no lift at all via mcDs or otherwise. packed lunch, or buying from train station all perfectly possible. he sounds horrible. No idea why anyone would want to be in a relationship with such a git.

CecilyP · 05/03/2023 08:46

Aiimeee · 04/03/2023 23:53

I'd do it for my DH no problem, because we get on great, love and respect each other and have no issue helping each other. Every relationship is different though of course.

Nah, someone who loved and respected you would simply be grateful for the early lift. There is no way that that they would ask for this optional and quite unnecessary extra which means OP and a small child getting up so much earlier . And then trying to guilt trip OP by saying otherwise he won’t get anything to eat all day. Where on earth is this food free desert that has a railway station, a football stadium, pubs but no cafes or food shops?

OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 05/03/2023 08:49

Good morning op. I hope today didn't start off too badly and there was no shouting/abuse. Please take care of yourself and your safety.

Leaving a relationship can be very hard and the first step is the hardest. Would he move out if asked? If not can you contact the council and start the ball rolling to be removed.

Financially it might not be as bad as you think. Check what benefits you would be entitled to. There is help out there.

If not for yourself for your daughter. She is learning all the time what being in a relationship means. Do you want her future to be like yours is now?

StillWantingADog · 05/03/2023 08:50

Wow op I sincerely hope you didn’t give him a lift at all and you’re having a relaxing morning while he sorts himself out.

he sounds thoroughly unpleasant

Eddielizzard · 05/03/2023 08:58

The question is: did you do it?

He carries on being an entitled twat because you allow yourself to be treated badly. Set your boundaries. Demand better of him. If he won't, then that's on him and he doesn't deserve to be where he is.

SallyWD · 05/03/2023 09:04

He's demanding and rude. My DH has never called me a cunt and wouldn't demand a lift. He'd get a taxi. Is he completely incapable of making himself a sandwich for the trip?! My DH would buy some really bread or rolls and make sandwich and take a flask of coffee. He wouldn't demand a Macdonalds (which is gross but each to their own). He sounds horrible.

CecilyP · 05/03/2023 09:05

Another one to say I would have just done it. And probably been quite happy to do so. Just bundle 5 year old up, no need to get dressed. Pick up a McDonald's coffee for yourself aswell then home to snuggle up for an hour. No problem. My kids would regard it as absolute treat (rarely have McDonald's so......)

How would that work? The McDonalds and coffee would be stone cold by the time OP had driven to the station and back home again. Probably too wide awake for any snuggling up either.

callthataspade · 05/03/2023 09:07

Aiimeee · 04/03/2023 23:53

I'd do it for my DH no problem, because we get on great, love and respect each other and have no issue helping each other. Every relationship is different though of course.

Kind of guessing your husband doesn't call you a cunt regularly then

Justalittlebitduckling · 05/03/2023 09:11

Just say no if you don’t want to.

outwiththeoldinwiththenewish · 05/03/2023 09:14

He asked for a one-off favour. I don't see the problem with it. Would he not have taken you to MDs if it were the other way round?
The C word is unacceptable.

WhimBarWhey · 05/03/2023 09:16

Tell him to take the fucking bus.

NewCarOldCar · 05/03/2023 09:16

Why are people posting their patronising "I would do it for my husband and he would for me" stupid comments??

THAT'S NOT WHAT THE OP IS ASKING

Good for you all with your super duper relationships. Take a moment from living in happyland to put yourself in @reddwarfgeek place. If your husband treated you like her dick of a H does, WOULD YOU STILL BE DOING IT THEN? That is what she's asking ffs

Original poster
reddwarfgeek · 05/03/2023 09:17

Morning! This thread has gained quite some momentum which I didn't expect. Thanks for all the replies. Well he asked his sister (no kids) to take him and she did. He wasn't happy with me though and loads of sarcastic comments this morning.
I'm glad I didn't have to do the lift. I did sleep ok but didn't get a lie in as he was up early banging things about.
He took loads of booze for the train...I thought they were trying to cut down on this kind of thing?...and I dread to think what state he'll come home in.
But for today me and DD are ok and having a relaxing day.

@Goodread1 That's very comprehensive and thank you for the help.
The relationship is pretty controlling and not great. I just wish I had someone to talk to and somewhere to get out of the way with DD...like tonight would be helpful. ..but I don't.
Even had a couple of PMs...thank you...saying would my parents really turn me away if I told them this stuff? The answer is unfortunately yes. My father is a grumpy old sod who who would rather we be miserable and living with this than disturb his peace and quiet.
My friends are either single, living with parents and childfree, or have plenty of kids and relationship problems themselves.
I would give women's aid a call but have put it off as I'm in no physical danger. I will see if I can get through though.
Thanks to everyone who has take time out of their day to reply. I truly appreciate it Flowers

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 05/03/2023 09:19

Headabovetheparakeet · 04/03/2023 21:08

It concerns me that him calling you a cunt isn't the part that bothers you the most.

This. Sounds like it's a 15 min odd detour which is no biggie and I'd be rolling out of bed and chucking on a hoodie and leggings for the drive so no need to be up at 6.30. Dc can go in his pj's and if anything like mine at 5 would be awake in time anyway. The count bit is a biggie though and changes the entire situation!

Aiimeee · 05/03/2023 09:19

Forgooodnesssakenow · 05/03/2023 03:46

Do you have small children you'd be dragging out of bed? Then solo parenting alld ay?

Because my husband and I love and respect one another and our kids and as above definitely wouldn't expect lifts etc in this scenario.

Show quote history

I'm not saying the OP should do it, they clearly have a shit relationship and he has no respect for her.

Yes I would get my child out of bed to leave the house at 7:30am for the one off lift in this situation. Because the part that people keep missing is that our relationship is great, we love and respect each other, we would help each other out, we wouldn't have massive arguments, no one would call each other a cunt.

The issue here is not leaving the house at 7:30am, or solo parenting for a day. It's the OPs DH is a cunt.

ReneBumsWombats · 05/03/2023 09:25

I'm not saying the OP should do it, they clearly have a shit relationship and he has no respect for her.

Then that was a weird response to the OP.

Aiimeee · 05/03/2023 09:26

CecilyP · 05/03/2023 08:46

Nah, someone who loved and respected you would simply be grateful for the early lift. There is no way that that they would ask for this optional and quite unnecessary extra which means OP and a small child getting up so much earlier . And then trying to guilt trip OP by saying otherwise he won’t get anything to eat all day. Where on earth is this food free desert that has a railway station, a football stadium, pubs but no cafes or food shops?

Show quote history

Like I have repeatedly said, everyones relationship is very different. I'd run him to mcdonalds no problem, there's no way I'd be getting up at 6:30 to leave the house at 7:30 though. I'd have jumped up at 7:15. Id have brought DC along in their PJs considering they weren't getting out the car. I dont think the lift and the mcdonalds are the issue at all here. The issue is their relationship, specifically the OPs DH.

Aiimeee · 05/03/2023 09:27

@ReneBumsWombats what was weird about saying I'd do it, but our relationship is good and I understand everyone's is different?

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