Sunday morning lifts and bloody McDonald's

[reddwarfgeek]

Just a rant really.
My partner is going to away football to tomorrow. He'll be out of the house all day from 8am to 9pm. He's asked me for a lift to the train station, but not content with that he wants to go via McDonald's for a breakfast. It's slightly out of the way and will mean leaving house at 7:30am to get an 8:45am train, thus adding extra time on, probably means get up at 6:30am. I know that isn't that early for some people but I work 4 days and we have an early start Saturdays for DDs hobby. Sunday is the only day we have that's more relaxing. I have to get DD (5) sorted up and dressed etc.
He said the reason he wants to go to McDonald's is he won't have any other chance to eat anything all day! I find this hard to believe! The train journey is long but what about the other 10 hours? Anyway, we had a big argument and he said I'm a moaning cunt and that I'm making him drink on an empty stomach. Aww ..didums! 13 hours free time on a Sunday apparently isn't enough 🙈 it all seems a bit ungrateful.

I've no issue with the lift I just don't want to go to McDonald's at 8am on a Sunday morning thus likely making us late. The one nearby has issues with being short staffed and getting orders wrong, so I've no doubt it wouldn't be straightforward. We do have food in the house to eat for breakfast, he just doesn't want it.
AIBU?

OP just think how nice it would be to wake up in a bedroom that doesn’t smell of 15 pints and a stinking arse of a partner.

you deserve better.

But he's the high earner and I have no family or friends who would take us in or help me out.

In that case hopefully you'd get a nice whack if child maintenance every month. Is he PAYE?

There was absolutely no acknowledgement of what an arsehole OP's partner is, so the "but everyone's different" came off, to me at least, like a veiled criticism. You know, the whole "well I'd do it because my partner and I love each other so much but that's just us" stuff. Like when MNers spend a post attacking someone and then end with an insincere little "to each their own".

I just don't want to go to McDonald's at 8am on a Sunday morning thus likely making us late. The one nearby has issues with being short staffed and getting orders wrong, so I've no doubt it wouldn't be straightforward.

I'm not going to repeat what countless others have said, but for all those saying they'd take their DH to McD's, this is the pertinent part. Having to take an arsehole DH via a place where it's likely they'll be further delayed and then having the extra stress of potentially being late and having him moaning about it.

Just get him a McDonald's and stop moaning

Lol, get your own McDonald's you lazy arse.

Well thats up to you for reading it that way then obviously. I forgot I was on MN and you weren't allowed to make any reference to your own relationship being ok because everyone on MN hates men. My acknowledgement was that I wouldnt have a problem in doing this but I understand everyone's relationships are different. That's not a criticism, thats me understanding that everyone's relationships are different, just like I said.

FYI - MN is a place where people ask for opinions, and guess what people are allowed to have different opinions.

Is he going to come home pissed now and kick off over you not giving him a lift this morning, OP? Are you okay to stay there tonight?

I wasn't the only one who thought what you said was off. It was off. It was weird to respond to a woman whose partner regularly calls her a cunt while expecting favours and not once mention that you find that behaviour unacceptable, merely "different".

And yes, the issue here is definitely that you're not allowed to mention a good relationship, I hate men and you can't have an opinion. That's definitely what we were saying. Sorry, what was that about reading things the wrong way? It sounds as if you'd know.

reddwarfgeek

"The reason I stay is as old as time I guess. Children, financial reasons, fear. When you have no one to confide in IRL Mumsnet is very helpful.
Thanks everyone who replied".

Stop selling yourself this bloody short; you only get one shot at this life after all and currently this man is still being allowed to rule the roost.

No obstacle to leaving is ultimately insurmountable and your children will not say thanks mum to you for staying with him. Doing so will only further teach them damaging lessons on relationships, after all you two are their reference for relationships. Your fear of him will be transferred to your kids because I daresay they are also quiet and otherwise subserviant in his presence.

How can you be helped here into ridding yourself of this man?.

Enjoy your day and I hope he is not unpleasant when he gets back.

Start making plans to change your life. You don't have to leave today but acknowledging this behaviour from him is not good enough is a very good start.

Op definitely give Womans Aid a call. They were very helpful when my friend split with her ex. Councilling and they helped her get a council flat.

Her ex was like yours very aggressive and abusive in the way he spoke to her but never physically. But she felt she was constantly on edge.

Surely there is a food counter or shop at the station or on the train? If he is on a long train journey there is usually a buffet car, sometimes selling nice hot breakfasts! I wouldntbe going out of my way to MacDonalds given the early start for you and need to get your 5 year old up and ready.

Op you have a daughter. Please don't bring her up with a man like this. If my DH called me a C*nt he would be eating mushroom stroganoff! You have a job, a driving licence and your DD is school age. You are not desperate. Others are far worse off. Get a solicitor and some advice. If he can drink 15 pints (30 units) he is probably alcohol dependant too.
A Prince he isn't. You both deserve better.

If I have guessed which match it is correctly, he won't be travelling as far next season when his team are relegated.

That in no way excuses wholly unacceptable behaviour.

He sounds a delight!

I'd take offence at his language and at his sense of entitlement. Tell him to make something to take on the train.

he sounds a delightful partner… is he wonderful the rest of the time??? If not I’m not sure why you’re tolerating this behaviour. He is treating you badly and all of that after you’re giving him a lift to the football on a day that you are working double hard so he can enjoy his hobby??? The balance has really tipped before the point he called you a cunt. Xx

Agree with all your responses to that poster’s patronising nonsense. She has missed the point in the OP spectacularly.

Raise your bar, @reddwarfgeek i don't know how you can reconcile being in a relationship with this utter scrote. And impacting your family time. Just tell him to sling his hook.

I'm sorry to hear about this miserable person you're living with, @reddwarfgeek and glad to hear you'v made him make other arrangements. You deserve so much better! @Goodread1 has given lots of sensible encouraging advice - mine would be to use today with him safely out the house to start gathering documents etc. Take photos of things while you have the opportunity.

Set yourself up with a brand new email with an easy passowrd like eg Bastard123 and email these photos to your self as attachments then log out. DO NOT SAVE login or password details to this new email on any device so theres no way he can get hold of it. Then use this only email for enquiries to SS, benefits, refuges etc.

Good luck..

@reddwarfgeek I’m quite worried for you. Can you find a way of getting onto a social housing list? Anything you can sell to get some money to get out sooner?

If my DH called me a Cnt he would be eating mushroom stroganoff!*

I'm sorry, I don't mean to derail but I have to ask...what?

Anyway, we had a big argument and he said I'm a moaning cunt and that I'm making him drink on an empty stomach. Aww ..didums!

Emotional blackmail, right there. Pathetic - like you have to be responsible for a grown adult. No, if he chooses to shove alcohol down his neck at that rate, he can 100% own his action, you don't have to. Didums it is!

I get what you were saying here, some people just like to pull apart everything you say and make it into something it wasn't. Main thing is, you agree that OP has a dickhead DH.

i used to take my stbxh to and from the station all the time (40minutes round trip) for both work and jollies.

I then found out that he could have claimed the taxi fare as an expense when it was work. It annoyed me that he felt 40 minutes of my time was worth less than the five minutes of his time it would have taken for him to phone and book a taxi.

From that it didn’t take long to reach the conclusion that if he could afford a day out in London/rugby matches etc (train fares, match tickets, all day boozing or expensive lunch and all day boozing ) then he could afford the taxi fare as well (£30 there and back).

Tell him to do one and have your lie in.