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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To report online harassment to this woman's employer

132 replies

Feelingharassed · 02/03/2023 20:49

I am being harassed online by a woman I do not know. She sends me vile messages because she thinks I am in a relationship with her ex husband. I am not. I've blocked her but she is very sneaky & still messages me. She works in a school & im thinking of reporting this harassment to her employer? I think I would want to know if an employee in my child's school was involved in something like this. Or AIBU?

OP posts:
Badger1970 · 02/03/2023 20:51

They won't be interested. Go straight to the Police.

Feelingharassed · 02/03/2023 20:51

Police are involved

OP posts:
rwalker · 02/03/2023 20:52

Reporting her to her employer make you as bad as her
You need to report it to the police

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/03/2023 20:52

Talk to the police.

However, if she has identified herself on SM as working for a school and then used SM to harass someone, her employer could well be interested. Mine would be.

Lostinalibrary · 02/03/2023 20:52

You could be in as much trouble as her if you do that. Nothing has been proven, this would be treated as harassment.

AliceMcK · 02/03/2023 20:53

Unless she’s using her school email address it is none of their business. Leave it to the police.

Feelingharassed · 02/03/2023 20:56

Her social media account identifies her employer & she is using thar account to harass me. As pp said my employer would be interested if I was doing that

OP posts:
bonjello · 02/03/2023 20:57

Go for it

BurntOutGirl · 02/03/2023 20:59

If she is using her work account then l would contact the employer.

Shesasuperfreak · 02/03/2023 21:00

I would be slyly letting her know I know where she works so that she can put two and two together.

Mention disrepute and online social media policies

Ask her if she harrases the parents that come into her school?

JudgeRudy · 02/03/2023 21:00

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/03/2023 20:52

Talk to the police.

However, if she has identified herself on SM as working for a school and then used SM to harass someone, her employer could well be interested. Mine would be.

I agree. There are lots of jobs where you could be sacked for bringing the profession into disrepute. Hope she's not using a work email.

Shesasuperfreak · 02/03/2023 21:00

Reply to her email and CC the head teacher and admin

NeverDropYourMooncup · 02/03/2023 21:00

Feelingharassed · 02/03/2023 20:56

Her social media account identifies her employer & she is using thar account to harass me. As pp said my employer would be interested if I was doing that

Absolutely, do it. Include screenshots so it's clear she is breaching their rules on conduct when using the company IT accounts.

Can2022getanyworse · 02/03/2023 21:06

Wooooah.... She's using a personal social media account which shows her employer is a school to harass you?

Part 2 of the teacher standards state -

*Teachers uphold public trust in the profession and maintain high standards of ethics and behaviour, within and outside school, by:

o showing tolerance of and respect for the rights of others*

Even if she's not a teacher I GUARANTEE that there will be a policy about social media use, especially if she has an open profile.

Report her to her employer as bringing the school into disrepute. They are likely not to be able to sanction her for the content of her messages but she'll be for the high jump for the disrepute bit.

Lochroy · 02/03/2023 21:12

So she's not using a school account but you can see on her personal account where she works?

I'd be taking a heap of screenshots and emailing the head.

Merangutan · 02/03/2023 21:13

Yes, given the specifics of the situation - police involved, her working in a school and therefore subject to DBS checks, mentioning the school in the account used to harass you and therefore connecting them with her online behaviour - I’d screen shot messages and send them to the head.

Dominoeffecter · 02/03/2023 21:14

Feelingharassed · 02/03/2023 20:56

Her social media account identifies her employer & she is using thar account to harass me. As pp said my employer would be interested if I was doing that

In that case yes, she is bringing the school into disrepute.

OliveWah · 02/03/2023 21:15

I would reply to her saying that if she contacts you again, you will be sending screenshots of everything she has sent you to her employer. Hopefully that will stop her without you having to do so. What a horrible thing to happen to you OP, some people are just awful.

Daffodil18 · 02/03/2023 21:20

Definitely email school with screenshots of her profile showing she works for the school and the messages she’s sending you. Also inform them that the police are involved. Yeah she won’t get sacked but that’s not what you want. She will probably get an informal telling off and that will hopefully give her a wake up call that by doing what she is doing could jeopardise her employment.

UnicornsHaveDadsToo · 02/03/2023 21:32

For one thing, what she's doing is both illegal and totally deranged. Besides which, even if you were having a relationship with her ex-husband, it would be none of her business! If it was a man doing this to their ex-wife, I wonder if those saying don't inform the school would still be advocating the same.

More importantly, informing an employer af the poor conduct of an employee is not harassment of the employee. If anything, it's doing the employer a massive favour. You would not be telling the employer lies, you would not be passing on malicious information. You would be informing them of facts and actual events that have taken place, as well as the fact that she's being investigated by the police. What the employer decides to do with that information is then up to them.

In many professions and in many high level jobs, your conduct outside your professional life and your work, wherever it may may be, can be monitored, scrutinised and poor conduct heavily punished. This is often the case for doctors, teachers, lawyers etc. for brining the profession into disrepute. Any employee of any company may also be disciplined, including being sacked, for bringing the company into disrepute, too. Poor conduct of employees in their private lives can cause significant adverse publicity for both public and private institutions which can be highly damaging if not dealt with appropriately.

I would certainly want to be aware if an employee is behaving in this way. A reasonable employer will check the accuracy of any information they receive and act accordingly with appropriate legal advice, especially a school. They won't just go in all guns blazing.

This is a potentially unstable person in contact with children. If your allegations are true, I wouldn't her anywhere near mine and I would hope that the school would be informed by someone, anyone, of what's going on. For that reason alone, I would ask that you do contact the school and inform them please.

SnarkyBag · 02/03/2023 21:35

what have the police said?

TheySeeMeRowling · 02/03/2023 21:36

OP just go to the police.

Dominoeffecter · 02/03/2023 21:55

TheySeeMeRowling · 02/03/2023 21:36

OP just go to the police.

They have already

CornishTiger · 02/03/2023 22:00

If police are involved leave it to then but ask if they have referred to Lado regarding her school job.

LakeTiticaca · 02/03/2023 22:04

Message her to inform her you have screen shot everything and you fully intend to email her employer. Give her 24 hours and if she doesn't respond, go for it!!