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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report online harassment to this woman's employer

132 replies

Feelingharassed · 02/03/2023 20:49

I am being harassed online by a woman I do not know. She sends me vile messages because she thinks I am in a relationship with her ex husband. I am not. I've blocked her but she is very sneaky & still messages me. She works in a school & im thinking of reporting this harassment to her employer? I think I would want to know if an employee in my child's school was involved in something like this. Or AIBU?

OP posts:
TheySeeMeRowling · 02/03/2023 22:04

Dominoeffecter · 02/03/2023 21:55

They have already

Show quote history

Great. Let them handle it.

gloov · 02/03/2023 22:06

Cancel the cheque

BlueSeaWave · 02/03/2023 22:09

If police are involved, just screenshot what you need to and let the school know, no reason not too and maybe them getting involved will make her stop if the police haven’t. Why protect her?

AnneElliott · 02/03/2023 22:09

Yes I would tell her employer. There are social media policies for a reason - and if you break them then you know what the consequences are.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 02/03/2023 22:10

Go to the police and ‘hey presto!’ She no longer works in a school.

Arebella · 02/03/2023 22:44

I would! Not sure what they'd do about it, but it might be enough to embarras her to stop. On the other hand it might make her even more stalker crazy 🤯

CornishGem1975 · 02/03/2023 22:47

How can she message you if you've blocked her? You say she's using her social media account that identifies her employer so she must be easy to block.

Going to her employer seems a bit OTT.

lauraloulou1 · 02/03/2023 22:53

I would go for it. She shouldn't be harassing you and like others have said if a male school employee was doing it was doing it consequences would have occurred by now. Sounds like a mental health crisis - but that's not your responsibility. Flagging it to her work will force her to get some proper support. She may be doing this to multiple people / trolling others online. As a victim of trolling myself I would say do it. Do as much as you can to protect yourself. And get her to back the funk off. Good luck.

Original poster
Feelingharassed · 03/03/2023 02:34

gloov · 02/03/2023 22:06

Cancel the cheque

What do you mean?

OP posts:
Original poster
Feelingharassed · 03/03/2023 02:40

CornishGem1975 · 02/03/2023 22:47

How can she message you if you've blocked her? You say she's using her social media account that identifies her employer so she must be easy to block.

Going to her employer seems a bit OTT.

She has several sm accounts. I blocked her the first time she messaged me so she contacted me using a different account. Each time I block the account sending the messages she gets to me from another one, even using her sister & her daughter's accounts to message me. She seems quite disturbed which concerns me given where she works. As i don't know her address I gave her work details to the police. I'm waiting to hear back from them about what they intend to do. Maybe they will make contact at her work which would solve the issue for me?

OP posts:
Fraaahnces · 03/03/2023 02:45

She may work in a school without actually being a teacher

Original poster
Feelingharassed · 03/03/2023 02:53

I never said she is a teacher. I have no idea what she does I can just see that her employer is listed as being a school

OP posts:
discobrain · 03/03/2023 02:58

Forward the messages she's sending you, to the school. Screenshots of everything.

I had to do this with an ex once that was stalking me and using multiple email accounts and the like to harass me.

Frozensun · 03/03/2023 03:32

I’d be guided by the police. If she’s that unhinged, it may escalate behaviour if you go directly.

dontstereotype · 03/03/2023 03:36

A friend works as a school receptionist. Her profile picture on FB showed her with a glass of wine in her hand. She was told by the Head Teacher, in no uncertain terms, that she had to take that picture down.

Imagine what they would think about a member of staff intimidating/threatening someone!

FlippyFloppyShoe · 03/03/2023 04:45

Leave it to the police

Can2022getanyworse · 03/03/2023 07:03

Feelingharassed · 03/03/2023 02:53

I never said she is a teacher. I have no idea what she does I can just see that her employer is listed as being a school

They'll still have staff conduct and social media policy covering all staff, even if she's not a teacher.

scaredofpate · 03/03/2023 07:10

Do you even know her ex husband?

Zippidydoda · 03/03/2023 07:13

I would inform the school. She’s make her employment at the school public knowledge on SM and then used the same account to harass someone. Also if they have other concerns about her behaviour it might inform a wider picture of her not being suitable to work in a school.

As pp said you could tell her this is your intention if she doesn’t stop, before doing it.

Have the police given any advice about keeping yourself safe? Do you have ring door bells etc. she sounds quite unstable. Sadly I can’t imagine the police having time to do much about some messages online. I know they time to deal with stalking behaviour and usually don’t do anything proactive until it has escalted.

Livingtothefull · 03/03/2023 07:13

You have notified the police so passed it on to them to handle. Let them handle it now. At the least, if in doubt you can ask the police whether notifying her employer is an appropriate thing for you to do.

Griefgood · 03/03/2023 07:16

Frozensun · 03/03/2023 03:32

I’d be guided by the police. If she’s that unhinged, it may escalate behaviour if you go directly.

This! If you're concerned about her actions, going to her employer may escalate them. So don't!

Led9519 · 03/03/2023 07:24

Everyone seems very lenient here. If the nature of her messages is horrible from multiple accounts then she deserves all she gets. I’d let her employer know that you have contacted police about her sue to harassment on social media, that her social media associated her with the school and send a screen shot of a typical message. It may backfire and escalate the behaviour but then you can let the police know.

Led9519 · 03/03/2023 07:25

*due to harassment

Ponoka7 · 03/03/2023 07:26

You can harass and stalk someone and stay just inside the law so you can't be charged. Meanwhile you've really damaged the MH of your victim. We now know that the outcome of reporting crimes to the police depends on the individual attitudes, of the officers and their superior, to that crime. So I wouldn't leave a crime like this to the police. OP follow up and ask what the police are doing. If it's going nowhere, then either tell her employer, or threaten to.

gettingolderbutcooler · 03/03/2023 07:31

Contact your local LADO