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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report online harassment to this woman's employer

132 replies

Feelingharassed · 02/03/2023 20:49

I am being harassed online by a woman I do not know. She sends me vile messages because she thinks I am in a relationship with her ex husband. I am not. I've blocked her but she is very sneaky & still messages me. She works in a school & im thinking of reporting this harassment to her employer? I think I would want to know if an employee in my child's school was involved in something like this. Or AIBU?

OP posts:
Somanyquestionstoaskaboutthis · 03/03/2023 16:34

I wouldn’t unblock her unless the police ask you to. Take their advice.

CornishTiger · 03/03/2023 16:36

You can restrict her so all messages don’t get seen or shown as delivered.

wonderofu · 03/03/2023 16:36

@Feelingharassed when you met this guy, what sort of setting was it in?

Bar, nightclub? You must of exchanged details with him for her to be able to place you? I'm struggling to work out how she knows who you are?

Reinventinganna · 03/03/2023 16:43

Don’t unblock her to send a message. Don’t message her at all. That’s awful advice!

Have you reported her for harassment via whatever social media platform she is using?

mewkins · 03/03/2023 17:22

rwalker · 02/03/2023 20:52

Reporting her to her employer make you as bad as her
You need to report it to the police

Huh?

Original poster
Feelingharassed · 03/03/2023 20:53

wonderofu · 03/03/2023 16:36

@Feelingharassed when you met this guy, what sort of setting was it in?

Bar, nightclub? You must of exchanged details with him for her to be able to place you? I'm struggling to work out how she knows who you are?

I have struggled to understand this from the start. I met him online & we went for a walk & a coffee. Once. I'm thinking she must have had access to his phone or logins. She is obsessed. This has been going on for 2 years. I have had enough now.

OP posts:
wonderofu · 03/03/2023 20:57

@Feelingharassed or he told her all about you?

Do you believe he was 100 per cent truthful with you about his situation?

I'm not condoning her behaviour but I'm just trying to see something from another angle?

LlynTegid · 03/03/2023 20:59

You have reported it to the Police, a start, you should be informing the social media platform too.

I think the school should be aware, as someone prepared to be as vile as you suggest could be doing something to someone else at or connected with the school.

ScreamingInfidelities · 03/03/2023 21:01

I wouldn’t hesitate to report her abuse with screenshots to the headteacher of the school. You can probably get their email address on the school’s website. You could also contact HR or Education dept of the local authority the school is in. I understand why some are warning against it in case she escalates but I’m very much of the opinion that bullies should be named and shamed.

Isthisit22 · 03/03/2023 21:03

Can2022getanyworse · 02/03/2023 21:06

Wooooah.... She's using a personal social media account which shows her employer is a school to harass you?

Part 2 of the teacher standards state -

*Teachers uphold public trust in the profession and maintain high standards of ethics and behaviour, within and outside school, by:

o showing tolerance of and respect for the rights of others*

Even if she's not a teacher I GUARANTEE that there will be a policy about social media use, especially if she has an open profile.

Report her to her employer as bringing the school into disrepute. They are likely not to be able to sanction her for the content of her messages but she'll be for the high jump for the disrepute bit.

This

OliveWah · 03/03/2023 21:35

Feelingharassed · 03/03/2023 16:30

My problem is if I unblock her to send a final message as suggested I cannot then block her again until 48 hours has passed so I'm leaving myself open to being harassed again over the weekend if she doesn't listen.

Set up a new email address/account for whichever social media she is using to contact you on. Send a message from that email address/account and then close the account - no chance of continuing harassment.

Original poster
Feelingharassed · 03/03/2023 21:36

wonderofu · 03/03/2023 20:57

@Feelingharassed or he told her all about you?

Do you believe he was 100 per cent truthful with you about his situation?

I'm not condoning her behaviour but I'm just trying to see something from another angle?

I have no idea about this but I suppose it is a possibility. There really was nothing to tell though.

OP posts:
squeakstick · 03/03/2023 21:51

This reminds me of an article I read from the man's perspective where a crazy ex used to stalk any women he was linked to. It literally destroyed so many relationships both romantic and platonic. Have you told this man about it as if she's doing it to you she's probably doing it to other people in his life and I'd imagine he would have already been to the police. I know you only met him once but I would definitely inform him. It's rubbish for you and I really feel for him as well if he has to constantly deal with this craziness.
Yes I would probably contact the employer or even make it public or contact her daughter / friends and ask for help and show how crazy she is.

Emotionalsupportviper · 04/03/2023 08:19

wonderofu · 03/03/2023 16:07

@Emotionalsupportviper wasn't speaking to you, I'm speaking to OP. Beak out!

Dear me!

Did you miss your nap today?

theyarereallytakingthepissnow · 04/03/2023 08:26

Yes the school would and should be interested and LADO should be informed.

lauraloulou1 · 04/03/2023 09:03

I'm not sure the police will be able to do much. I'd take a multipronged approach - just like she has! Block/report/mute/contact her work with evidence and give police evidence but make it clear you don't want any level of engagement or contact (even for her to apologise). You just want to be left alone. It's not right what she is doing so push responsibility for it all back on her. Then move on. Good luck - this kind of experience can have a long tail so get a bit of counselling as well to talk it through to help your own feelings of anxiety and fear going forward. Leave this poor woman behind - not your clown not your circus kind of thing. Cut every single cord and use every single method here - you are just an object of obsession here where she can deposit her hurts. She won't hear or understand anything less. Brutal but she forced your hand.

GenderCriticalTrumpets · 04/03/2023 09:28

I would grass her up to her employer 100%. When I worked in schools I would have been sacked for this and rightly so!

NewCarOldCar · 04/03/2023 13:53

would grass her up to her employer 100%

I read that in a Ray Winstone voice "Grass ' er up ... one 'undred per cent"

Original poster
Feelingharassed · 05/03/2023 16:11

I've emailed the LADO so thank you to those who suggested this. The police have come back to me & asked if I want her prosecuted so it seems like they are taking it seriously. In all honesty I'm done with the whole thing & I imagine that would drag things out even longer so not sure what to do on that front.

OP posts:
CoraPirbright · 07/03/2023 21:38

It doesnt sound to me like she’s giving up any time soon so I would go for prosecution, yes.

Led9519 · 07/03/2023 21:56

Have the police cautioned or interviewed her? If not I would ask them to do this so she knows they’re involved and you’re taking it seriously. Good job on contacting the LADO.
I hope she stops and think it’s good she doesn’t know where you live.

Led9519 · 07/03/2023 21:57

Sorry… if she doesn’t stop after knowing police involved etc etc then I don’t think you have a choice but to go ahead and prosecute but hopefully she’ll stop!

Fraaahnces · 08/03/2023 00:22

It needs to stop and finally someone is taking you seriously. Do it.

lieselotte · 08/03/2023 18:13

Reinventinganna · 03/03/2023 16:43

Don’t unblock her to send a message. Don’t message her at all. That’s awful advice!

Have you reported her for harassment via whatever social media platform she is using?

No it isn't, it's giving her a final chance to mend her ways (at least in relation to the OP) before the OP potentially destroys her career!

I didn't know about the 48 hour rule. However, I think she needs a final warning somehow.

lieselotte · 08/03/2023 18:14

Oh I see it's gone beyond that stage. If she gets a conviction, it's game over for her career. Stupid woman.