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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report online harassment to this woman's employer

132 replies

Feelingharassed · 02/03/2023 20:49

I am being harassed online by a woman I do not know. She sends me vile messages because she thinks I am in a relationship with her ex husband. I am not. I've blocked her but she is very sneaky & still messages me. She works in a school & im thinking of reporting this harassment to her employer? I think I would want to know if an employee in my child's school was involved in something like this. Or AIBU?

OP posts:
Oigetoffmylawn · 03/03/2023 09:56

I would.

I'd keep it factual, explain you've already involved the police and add in a couple of screenshots.

AnotherSpare · 03/03/2023 09:57

Feelingharassed · 02/03/2023 20:56

Her social media account identifies her employer & she is using thar account to harass me. As pp said my employer would be interested if I was doing that

For this reason, yes I would tell them. But I'd be very plain and simple in my message to the employer - nothing emotional, no details of who she accuses you of being in a relationship with, etc. Just a very simple, I have needed to reported someone to the police for harassment, she noticeably identifies herself as one of your employees on 'x website' so I wanted to let you know.

MaidOfSteel · 03/03/2023 10:04

She is continually and actively targeting you. I'd have no hesitation in reporting her to her employer in this situation. You're only trying to get this awful harassment to stop.

SoupDragon · 03/03/2023 10:16

MaidOfSteel · 03/03/2023 10:04

She is continually and actively targeting you. I'd have no hesitation in reporting her to her employer in this situation. You're only trying to get this awful harassment to stop.

Why do you think that will stop the harassment? Instead of a woman harassing the OP because she thinks she's shagging her husband, she'll have one that also knows she reported her to her employer.

leave out to the police.

TrinnySmith · 03/03/2023 10:38

She sounds unstable I don't think I'd start threatening her by suggesting you will report to the school.
Stay out of it but keep on at the police - emphasise she sounds unstable you are in fear of her taking things further.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 03/03/2023 10:39

SoupDragon · 03/03/2023 10:16

Why do you think that will stop the harassment? Instead of a woman harassing the OP because she thinks she's shagging her husband, she'll have one that also knows she reported her to her employer.

leave out to the police.

Show quote history

Of course there are no guarantees. But maybe if she thinks her job is at risk, it might give her a wake-up call.

MajorCarolDanvers · 03/03/2023 10:40

Report it to the police.

Its nothing to do with her employer unless she is doing it on work time and breaking her IT policy.

SoupDragon · 03/03/2023 10:44

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 03/03/2023 10:39

Of course there are no guarantees. But maybe if she thinks her job is at risk, it might give her a wake-up call.

Show quote history

Well, no, because the post I was replying to was about actually reporting so she would probably end up with having nothing to lose.

DangerNoodles · 03/03/2023 10:55

You need to use this information carefully OP, she sounds unhinged. For now, see what the police do, unfortunately they can be pretty useless in these situations but you may be pleasantly surprised.
If the police don't sort it, issue her with an ultimatum, either she stops or you take all the screenshots you have to her employer. Hopefully that will make her give her head a wobble and stop. And no, giving this information to school does not make you as bad as her for God's sake, you have a right to not be harassed, if this is what it takes for her to stop then so be it.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 03/03/2023 11:00

Her social media account identifies her employer & she is using thar account to harass me

In that case definitely tell the employers

SerafinasGoose · 03/03/2023 11:28

MySugarBabyLove · 03/03/2023 07:33

What is your relationship to this woman’s husband?

The harassment sounds nasty, and not justified at the level the OP says it’s happening, but I do wonder what the other side of this story is.

Irrelevant.

wonderofu · 03/03/2023 11:30

How does she message you if you've blocked her?

wonderofu · 03/03/2023 11:31

Also do you know her ex husband?

Lachimolala · 03/03/2023 11:49

I know a teacher who was sacked for having a very graphic blog page where she would in great vivid detail list her sex life, drug use, drinking complete with NSFW pictures. The blog was anonymous but she’d linked it to he public Twitter which had her full name, her profession and photos inside and outside of the school etc. It wasn’t hard for people to figure out where she worked and someone (suspect a parent) got in touch with the head and ultimately she lost her job.

I felt a bit bad for her because she’s actually a nice person but I suppose if you sign a contract that details certain social media policies you have to abide by it.

Emotionalsupportviper · 03/03/2023 14:30

wonderofu · 03/03/2023 11:31

Also do you know her ex husband?

That is irrelevant.

Whether OP knows the ex or not, this woman doesn't have the right to act like this.

Original poster
Feelingharassed · 03/03/2023 14:47

I met him once when he was working in a city near where I live. They were separated at that point & are now divorced. I literally met him once. Nothing happened. How she managed to get my details I have absolutely no idea. Her harassment of me has been ongoing for some time. It stops when I block her until she manages to find another way to contact me. She is obsessed with me for no apparent reason. It is very disturbing. Thankfully I live hundreds of miles away from where she lives or I would be living in fear. As it is I find it upsetting & intrusive but I am not in fear of her turning up on my doorstep.

OP posts:
lieselotte · 03/03/2023 14:57

I'm sure you've already done this but respond one more time, saying:

You met her ex once.

You are not, and were never, in a relationship with him.

You are fed up with her harassment and have reported her to the police.

If she contacts you again, you will tell her employer and see solicitor with a view to commencing legal action.

And if she does, do tell her employer.

Give her one more chance to stop being an idiot.

AldiorLidl · 03/03/2023 15:32

gettingolderbutcooler · 03/03/2023 07:31

Contact your local LADO

I agree with @gettingolderbutcooler

Original poster
Feelingharassed · 03/03/2023 15:43

Sorry but I don't know who or what a LADO is?

OP posts:
AldiorLidl · 03/03/2023 15:49

It's a Local Authority Designated Officer, they look at allegations and concerns of suitability made against adults who work with children. They can consider actions in the workplace and in the community.

Original poster
Feelingharassed · 03/03/2023 15:55

Thank you. I'm in Scotland but I'm guessing I would need to report her in the area she lives/works in

OP posts:
wonderofu · 03/03/2023 16:07

@Emotionalsupportviper wasn't speaking to you, I'm speaking to OP. Beak out!

wonderofu · 03/03/2023 16:10

Feelingharassed · 03/03/2023 14:47

I met him once when he was working in a city near where I live. They were separated at that point & are now divorced. I literally met him once. Nothing happened. How she managed to get my details I have absolutely no idea. Her harassment of me has been ongoing for some time. It stops when I block her until she manages to find another way to contact me. She is obsessed with me for no apparent reason. It is very disturbing. Thankfully I live hundreds of miles away from where she lives or I would be living in fear. As it is I find it upsetting & intrusive but I am not in fear of her turning up on my doorstep.

I'm glad you are safe to the fact you are pretty sure she won't turn up in you town.

How awful to have to put up with this harassment for so long. Needs sorting and police involving.

Original poster
Feelingharassed · 03/03/2023 16:30

My problem is if I unblock her to send a final message as suggested I cannot then block her again until 48 hours has passed so I'm leaving myself open to being harassed again over the weekend if she doesn't listen.

OP posts:
wonderofu · 03/03/2023 16:34

Feelingharassed · 03/03/2023 16:30

My problem is if I unblock her to send a final message as suggested I cannot then block her again until 48 hours has passed so I'm leaving myself open to being harassed again over the weekend if she doesn't listen.

Unless you don't open any messages from her for 2 days? Do you think you could do that.

Sounds like it's gone on for far too long. Wants sorting properly now.

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