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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have refused to get out of my car for the police in the middle of the night?

871 replies

AngeloMysterioso · 02/03/2023 17:05

Was driving home from work at just after 2 a.m last night when I was pulled over by a pair of male coppers in a squad car after I swerved in the road to avoid a pothole.

I stopped, lowered my window a crack and then turned the engine off and made sure all the doors were locked. They both got out of the car and came over, asked about where I was going, where I’d been etc etc and then asked about the swerve- I explained about the pothole, and that I didn’t consider the move to have been dangerous as there were no other vehicles or anywhere near me (they had been some distance in front of me at the time and on the other side of the road but there was absolutely no chance of a collision) and no pedestrians anywhere around.
Then they asked if I would get out of the car and take a breathalyser test. I refused- I said I’d happily drive to the police station (maybe a mile- mile and a half away) and take a breathalyser there, but that I didn’t feel safe getting out of my car and being alone with two massive blokes in the middle of the night with no other people around, and them being in a uniform didn’t change that for me.

They asked a few more questions about my work, if they needed to would anyone be able to verify that I’d been working, gave me a lecture about driving safely and in the end let me go home with no further action taken - but I’ve just had a phonecall from another police officer basically telling me off for not just doing as I was told.

Was I BU?

OP posts:
Buzzinwithbez · 02/03/2023 20:35

You weren't unreasonable at all. I hope I would have the presence of mind to do the same if ever in similar circumstances.

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 02/03/2023 20:36

"police apologists"

Jesus H christ.

Explaining that an individual does not have an 'opt out' from the law dependent on how they view the police does not make anyone a 'police apologist'.

OMG12 · 02/03/2023 20:37

XDownwiththissortofthingX · 02/03/2023 20:27

We are talking about a specific situation where the police have stopped someone they have reasonable belief is driving while intoxicated.

They are acting totally within the law to then arrest that person if they refuse to cooperate to the extent that they will neither provide a roadside sample, or leave their vehicle to provide a sample at the station.

The law is not determined by 'my attitude'.

Show quote history

Oh don’t you know the solution would be for all female drink drivers to just say - ooh sorry I’m not getting out of my car because those nasty policemen scare me snd should be allowed to just drive in their merry way to mow down a child (this would also be the police’s fault.

Most of the posters on here I assume lack the ability to actually think situations through.

Someone is now going to come along and say - better that than be raped by a policeman.because we know they’re all rapists and murderers.

BelleMarionette · 02/03/2023 20:37

If the police believed that you were intoxicated then they can't allow you to drive to the police station to provide a sample.

Were you worried they weren't genuine officers? If so you could have phoned to verify this.

Were you worried that they were genuine officers but up to no good? In which case you could verify your location and presence with them with the local police.

I accept that you say you weren't drunk, but what if a lone woman was? What would you consider a reasonable course of action for the police to take? Clearly, letting a drunk person drive to the police station to do a breathalyser is not reasonable.

SherbetDips · 02/03/2023 20:38

Pre sarah Everard I would have said you were unreasonable but not now. I wouldn’t have gotten out either.

Runningonempty01 · 02/03/2023 20:41

Maybe recruit no male officers until there are enough women in the police for every male officer to be partnered by a woman? ( only half joking)

Threee · 02/03/2023 20:44

Survey99 · 02/03/2023 17:23

You broke the law. They could have given you 4 penalty points and a fine up to £1000 for not providing a prelimary breath test at roadside when asked. (DR70 offence). It would have also increased your insurance costs.

If you want to take that risk, up to you. For two police officers in a marked vehicle I personally wouldn't think twice about getting out.

A fine and some points or risk getting raped, the choice is quite straight forward.

WeekendInTheBoondocks · 02/03/2023 20:44

I would never ever get out of the car in those circs. The police cannot be trusted!

YANBU

WeekendInTheBoondocks · 02/03/2023 20:45

SherbetDips · 02/03/2023 20:38

Pre sarah Everard I would have said you were unreasonable but not now. I wouldn’t have gotten out either.

Same 🤷🏻‍♀️

Threee · 02/03/2023 20:45

BelleMarionette · 02/03/2023 20:37

If the police believed that you were intoxicated then they can't allow you to drive to the police station to provide a sample.

Were you worried they weren't genuine officers? If so you could have phoned to verify this.

Were you worried that they were genuine officers but up to no good? In which case you could verify your location and presence with them with the local police.

I accept that you say you weren't drunk, but what if a lone woman was? What would you consider a reasonable course of action for the police to take? Clearly, letting a drunk person drive to the police station to do a breathalyser is not reasonable.

Urrrrm, breathalyse in the car?

Murdoch1949 · 02/03/2023 20:45

You offered to go to the police station, that's complying with them. With what police officers have been caught doing recently no-one should get out of their car at night!

Rebel2 · 02/03/2023 20:45

You're allowed to drive to a well lit location aren't you? (That's what I've always thought anyway!)
Guess it depends where I was, there's loads of 24hr garages near me so I probably would have stopped at one of those on the forecourt

Daysoffarethebest · 02/03/2023 20:49

MrsJBaptiste · 02/03/2023 20:33

Are there really so few of us who would have got out of the car without thinking anything of it? Or do these people just not bother posting? So depressing...

These types of threads attract the overly paranoid people, most regular people would have got out as reasonably requested.

LikeTearsInRain · 02/03/2023 20:49

YANBU

cant trust the police nowadays they are full of dodgy individuals

Gilmorehill · 02/03/2023 20:51

AngeloMysterioso · 02/03/2023 20:05

Blimey so many replies! Didn’t mean to keep anyone dangling, had to pick up DC from nursery, do dinner, bath, bed etc.

They didn’t push the breathalyser after I explained my reasoning for not exiting the vehicle -I guess I was articulate enough in my reply for them to be assured that I wasn’t intoxicated, so they just sort of rolled their eyes a bit and asked me some more questions. Had they suggested passing it through the window I wouldn’t have had an issue with doing it in my car. Plus, it was just a very short swerve round the pothole and all they’d have had to do was drive 50 yards or so down the road and seen it for themselves. But they weren’t rude to me and I wasn’t rude to them.

The phonecall today felt mostly patronising to be honest, basically repeating what a few PPs have said about how refusing to take a breathalyser could have resulted in my being arrested, they were just trying to do their jobs etc etc- at this point I did get a bit shirty and said my main concern was for my own safety and I wasn’t going to compromise that to make anyone else’s life a bit easier.

Well done for standing your ground, last night and on the phone. Please make a formal complaint.

Toffeecat2019 · 02/03/2023 20:52

Fine as long as you were polite. Not every police officer is a criminal or going to commit an offence and to suggest so and scare monger is lunacy. It’s no diffferent to the proportion of teachers who commit or any other offences. It’s just it’s easy to have a go at the police and media love to do so.

Toffeecat2019 · 02/03/2023 20:53

Formal complaint. They didn’t do anything wrong!!!! FFS what nonsense

Toffeecat2019 · 02/03/2023 20:54

Oh yeah all the total police force are dodgy aren’t they, all of them!! If people are this ridiculous then no wonder the country is in such a bloody mess

SayyestotheDog · 02/03/2023 20:54

Well done OP this has been on my mind recently as a car was flagged down then the boot & driver’s door tried by 2 men on a country lane near where I live in the early hours & I have thought that even if the “police” flagged me down I wouldn’t stop.

Hopefully the message will start filtering through when they see how more & more of us can’t trust them enough to comply.

mummywithtwokidsplusdog · 02/03/2023 20:55

I’m impressed with you! Don’t think I’d have had the courage to stand my ground in the way you did. You are absolutely right to put your personal safety before everything else. The police need to consider the impact the rightful loss in trust has had on women.

MrsJBaptiste · 02/03/2023 20:57

MiniFig · 02/03/2023 20:33

i would really love to know if all the police apologists on here are police or related to police or just don't read the news.

If you wear the uniform, you have to be beyond reproach, better than everyone else, not a dickhead on a power trip.

Of course I read the news 🙄

I just don't think every man is a predator, police or not.

Beachhutnut · 02/03/2023 20:57

You were right. No way would I have got out. I would complain about the bollocking too.

MrsJBaptiste · 02/03/2023 20:57

@Daysoffarethebest Yes, too true!

MathsStruggle · 02/03/2023 20:59

Thank you for doing this OP. And posting. I will do this if I ever get stopped.

ThereIbledit · 02/03/2023 21:01

It's an interesting one isn't it. I don't think you were BU and I don't think they were - but this thread just shows the landscape is changing WRT trust between women and the police.

FWIW I've been breathalysed once (and nearly a second time but I must have been convincing 😆) and I did it without leaving the car. They kept hold of the device and I blew into it (totally clear if anybody was wondering, I was one of those seemingly rare people who was actually commuting home from a long day at work rather than having been out on the town on a Saturday night before Xmas!)

My favourite breathalyser story is the unlikely one of a dear friend who I can't remember how she ended up being stopped talking to the police but the policeman accused her of drinking because he thought he could smell alcohol on her breath. She hadn't, and the test proved that, and he asked her what she HAD been eating or drinking that may have caused the smell. She thought carefully for a moment before saying she'd eaten a custard creme before setting off, and he excitedly shouted that that was exactly what he could smell! What alcoholic drink a custard creme smells like I'd love to know 😂