Are you bothered if people do not like you?

[monno]

Some people (me) have this weird way that feels like they want everyone to like them.

If I get a sense that someone doesn't like me, it feels as though I should try harder to relate to them, rather than just letting it be.

I'll waste time thinking about it. Feeling bad that a person may think bad of me.

This could be due to a perception that I'm too loud, too quiet, too nice, too anything

How do you feel if someone doesn't like you (or you get a sense that they don't)?

Does it bother you?

If not, how do you not let it bother you?

Thanks I'll look it up.

I don't like every single person I encounter. Why on earth would every single person I encounter like me?

I find people who don’t like me I generally don’t like either. I don’t know which comes first, or whether it’s just an instant incompatibility on both sides. I used to let it bother me and blame myself, but as I’ve got older I really couldn’t care less about it.

Sorry misunderstood that.

BigMandsTattooPortfolio that reminds me of a school mum many years ago. She was really odd and would blank other mums or talk about them. I was most honoured when it was my turn. Didn't bother me one jot!

I think anyone who says they don't care at all if people don't like them are sociopaths.

Most normal care a little bit. But you can't let it rule you life.

Do you like everyone you meet op?
Probably not.
It's nothing personal.
Just accept your vibrations are different and cannot work together and move on.
Don't try and change to get them to change their view of you,this will affect your self esteem.
Look them in the eye,be polite but nothing more,it really isn't about anything you can change.
🌈

It takes a bit more than that to identify sociopathy.

I wouldn’t say it’s generally true of sociopaths either tbh. If you’ve constructed a mask to ‘pass’ in society, and require it to be believable because of what you stand to gain from it, then you will indeed care how you’re perceived. You will care about whether you’re liked by those whom you seek to benefit from.

This, from Insta.

If we're jumping down a semantics rabbit hole, sociopaths care about an ability influence rather than just being liked for its own sake.

No I couldn't care less but I'm not a very people-y person, after a hour I've had enough would rather be home with my cats, family & books!

I don't get those who are bothered about being liked, not everyone is going to like you so may as well be yourself and live your best life.

I don't care. I remind myself that other peoples thoughts and opinions (on me or anything else) are their own private thoughts and opinions so they are none of my business.
It doesn't really matter if someone doesn't like you. It's nice to be liked, but you won't always be someone else's cup of tea.

No
Life is too short

It’s not semantics. Not caring if people like you does not by itself make a sociopath.

Sociopaths that want to be liked by those they believe they can benefit from, still want to be liked. The difference is in the motivation, not the desire.

The key is to really like and honestly accept yourself. Once you’ve hit that point it really doesn’t matter what other folks think.

That’s why so many older women tend to lose the people-pleasing, because they’ve reached a point of acceptance about themselves and their flaws and they make peace with it. The ‘take me as I am or don’t bother’ mentality. And as a pp commented, ironically this new relaxed, self-boundaried attitude actually means people warm to you more.

People pleasing and seeking validation is such a big neon sign that you don’t actually know yourself or feel comfortable with it.

Yes I do care if people don't like me, though I keep it in perspective. And I definitely care less the older I get.

I care if I've had an unpleasant interaction with someone, it will weigh on my mind afterwards. And I hate the feeling of being misunderstood - if I've said something that I want to mean one thing, and the other person has taken it another way.

I think most people care to a certain extent about how they come across, even if they claim not to. We're social animals after all; it's baked in.

Apart a small handful of family and very close friends I couldn't give a flying fart what people think of me. Most humans are shite anyway

I think that is because (now, sorry, this may hurt some feelings) many people who care try way too hard that it actually becomes uncomfortable, annoying and breaches your boundaries. Lots of people who get to the stage that you have to "escape" have own issues with boundaries and don't deal well with boundaries of others and that's something many people don't want to or can't be around

This. I have a "friend" (more a friend of a friend but someone I'm friendly with who I've known for decades). On paper I really like her: she's very kind, she's intelligent, we have similar interests.

But she massively over-invests in interactions in a way which makes me feel really stifled and claustrophobic. She will plan social events months ahead of time and tell everyone how she excited she is and then follow up multiple times beforehand etc and afterwards will text multiple times and say how much fun it was. She also wants to speak on the phone for long periods of time about nothing and will constantly want feedback on her interactions with other friends.

You will have a conversation with her in which you will casually mention that you would like to play the guitar more, for example, and six months later she will email you ask you how the guitar practice is going.

It's "nice" and no one can fault her for being a good listener or caring about people but for some reason it makes me want to run a mile. I just don't want anyone to be that over-invested in me. It makes me feel beholden to her and oddly controlled by her.

I think a lot of people instinctively fear others who are too keen for approval and validation because it signals over-dependence.

It can be really ick and I strongly advise OP and others who do this to get some help with it. It's really offputting.

If everyone didn't like me then I would worry but if some people don't like me, then I'm relaxed with that. It's no skin off my nose.

Thats mental! I actually think its narcissistic to assume its even possible for everyone to like you if you try hard enough, and shows you are massively lacking awareness of both yourself and social relationships around you.

You're thinking of other people in terms of how they make you feel about the relationship when it shouldn't be up to you to care about or influence that. You should care more about how your presence makes other people feel.

I'm not the best with words and its hard to explain what I mean. People I know who say they want to be liked by everyone are the same people who call themselves empaths.

I’m specifically referring to how social interactions are an often viewed by sociopaths (and indeed narcissists) who generally aren’t motivated to make people feel good for the sake of it. That isn’t to say they’ll want everyone to like them or think that’s achievable, but they will care in situations where it will benefit them.

I'm better with it than I used to be. I did realise in my early 20s that, whatever you are like, there are always people who won't like you. It doesnt mean you're a bad person or that you upset them, some people just won't like you. Some people don't befriend you because they're happy with the social circle they have and just don't feel like extending it. It is upsetting if someone you want to get on with doesn't like you, but most of the time it's not really people that matter that much.

Similarly, I learned that if I had bad vibes about someone, there was probably a reason. It doesn't happen often, but I can sit with it now and know I'm not just being unfair on someone.

Everyone masks to a certain degree, it's what you have to do for a pleasant life, and you have to expect it to a certain degree

Nope! I generally get along with most people, am affable i suppose, but the people who don't like me REALLY don't I've discovered - usually male colleagues - but I could give a shiny shit! I'm a confident, gay woman working mainly with men and seek neither their input or approval. Which really pees some off.
I care only for the opinion of my friends, and I'm lucky enough to have lots of them in different areas of my life.