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Original poster

Are you bothered if people do not like you?

178 replies

monno · 02/03/2023 13:12

Some people (me) have this weird way that feels like they want everyone to like them.

If I get a sense that someone doesn't like me, it feels as though I should try harder to relate to them, rather than just letting it be.

I'll waste time thinking about it. Feeling bad that a person may think bad of me.

This could be due to a perception that I'm too loud, too quiet, too nice, too anything

How do you feel if someone doesn't like you (or you get a sense that they don't)?

Does it bother you?

If not, how do you not let it bother you?

OP posts:
Serrassi · 02/03/2023 17:38

If I admire/respect them, I’d be gutted if they didn’t like me.

Happily I don’t admire/respect many people and I could not give a hoot what the rest of the world thinks 👌

Climbingthelaundrymountain · 02/03/2023 17:39

Yes it really bothers me. I'm a people pleaser who seeks approval. But I'm trying very hard to improve my confidence and change that.

Arrocahar23 · 02/03/2023 17:40

Nope. Who cares? It’s juvenile and needy to want to be liked by everybody, everywhere. Lol

donttellmehesalive · 02/03/2023 17:41

I used to care and try very hard to be liked but one day a friend told me that someone she knew absolutely hated me. I was surprised because I'd never spoken to her in any capacity whatsoever. It was a bit of an epiphany - some people will dislike you, no matter how hard you try. So now I think everyone should just be themselves - some people will like you, some people won't.

MajorCarolDanvers · 02/03/2023 17:41

I don't like everyone I meet so I don't expect everyone to like me in return.

I'd be upset if my family and friends didn't like me. But beyond that I don't care.

Emmamoo89 · 02/03/2023 17:43

Couldn't give a fuck

Treebranch · 02/03/2023 17:45

Sometimes I care, sometimes I don't. I think caring about what others think of you is okay. It's insecure, but it's also open-minded. It's true that too much of it puts people off you though.

Shoxfordian · 02/03/2023 17:49

Everyone likes me so I don’t know what you mean op

redrovers · 02/03/2023 17:51

I care, for some reason I'm quite self conscious and if I think someone doesn't like me it bothers me. Some days more than others I guess.
I don't like everyone I know but I try not to show it, i guess I wonder if people are doing that with me too!

Mummy2mybear · 02/03/2023 17:54

Honestly OP I could not care less and you should not worry about it just concentrate on the people who do life is to short x

YouJustDoYou · 02/03/2023 17:58

I used to be. Now I just stay quiet, avoid eye contact, put in ear plugs to block out the world and just get on with my life.

Flatgrey · 02/03/2023 17:59

No, I'm polite and civil to everyone I meet but tend not to hit it off with people as I'm quite reserved. I have no expectation that anyone will particularly like me and it doesn't bother me. I don't go out of my way to offer favours or be a people pleaser and it baffles me when people put themselves at an inconvenience so people will like them.

gottagetouthere · 02/03/2023 18:01

By the time you get to your 50s you won't give a flying fuck.

Benjispruce4 · 02/03/2023 18:03

I’m in my 50s and see the angst it causes my DD19. I remember feeling like that and wish I could override that switch and fast forward her to my mindset.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 02/03/2023 18:10

I'm like this but getting less bothered as I get older. If someone seems to not like me I try even harder with them and I don't know why I do it!

QueenMabs · 02/03/2023 18:22

Yes I was the same. Didn't understand and would try and try to get people to like me.

Then it took until late 20s that I didn't like them either. Up to this point I never would have said that I didn't like someone I always saw the positives.

It was liberating to change internal monologue of "why don't the like me, I must try harder" to I don't like them so there is not point I expending energy on it"

Jellykat · 02/03/2023 18:27

I used to be a people pleaser up until 50ish, now i dont give a monkeys what anyone thinks.

declutteringmymind · 02/03/2023 18:40

Ok so a few home truths.

There are people who don't like you who pretend to like you. That's fine.

You can't expect everyone to like you. This is impossible.

Does it matter? They literally don't give a shit about you. Spend your energy on those who do love you.

It's not all about you. I, for example don't need anymore friends. So I turn down invitations with new people. Who are genuinely nice lovely people. It's not that I don't like them, but I don't have time, and I really want to be the best friend/family to those who I already have around me. Its not personal, so don't take it that way.

Be friendly, polite, maintain your own personal standards. If a genuine relationship come out of it then happy days, if not no worries. It

Spideysoap · 02/03/2023 18:42

Very bothered - I am a people pleaser! But I think it’s a flaw of mine and makes me unhappy. However, I am very good at making and maintaining friends, on the flipside!

OuterOrderInnerCalm · 02/03/2023 18:44

I have never posted before but have just created an account to recommend this book to you - Please Yourself by Emma Reed Turrell. I'm still only in the early stages of making some changes but it has made a massive difference to me already, so many lightbulb moments. She talks about how hard it can be to be disliked but how it is also liberating...

DahliaMacNamara · 02/03/2023 18:46

Not really, no. If I discover that someone I don't really know has taken a dislike to me, I wonder what I did to give them a negative impression, but I don't waste time worrying about it or trying to change their minds. It doesn't matter that much.

Lampzade · 02/03/2023 18:46

Nope.
If you don’t feed me or f..ck me why should I care whether you like me or not?

CeriB82 · 02/03/2023 18:51

absolutely! I really don’t care.

i don’t like a lot of people. If i don’t like you ill pass you in the street.

i have my people, plenty of friends and people i like and love.

JudgeRudy · 02/03/2023 18:53

I don't mind if people don't like me...as in just don't particularly want to be around me. That's very different to DISliking someone. If someone dislikes me it's generally someone I dislike too. If someone DID like me and now doesn't I'd like to know why they have changed their opinion. If for example they've just found out I'm a Nazi/eat babies for breakfast/ slept with their husband....fair comment. If they've 'heard' something or don't like me being a Bhudist I might have a conversation with them....if I'm bothered enough.

I think worrying that people don't like you is a self esteem problem. If I was made aware you thought I disliked you I'd be confused at best but possibly irritated. If you fawned over me to curry favour I might slip into actively disliking you! I would get bpd/teen school girl/drama vibes....I don't need that. I'd guess that when you think someone doesn't like you you actually really don't feature in their life rather than something bad you've done.

Moonshine5 · 02/03/2023 18:55

Moonicorn · 02/03/2023 13:44

No. Weirdly people like you more when you stop caring

@Moonicorn 100%
Validation has to come from within

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