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Original poster

Are you bothered if people do not like you?

178 replies

monno · 02/03/2023 13:12

Some people (me) have this weird way that feels like they want everyone to like them.

If I get a sense that someone doesn't like me, it feels as though I should try harder to relate to them, rather than just letting it be.

I'll waste time thinking about it. Feeling bad that a person may think bad of me.

This could be due to a perception that I'm too loud, too quiet, too nice, too anything

How do you feel if someone doesn't like you (or you get a sense that they don't)?

Does it bother you?

If not, how do you not let it bother you?

OP posts:
IHaveaSetOfVeryParticularSkills · 02/03/2023 14:12

Moonicorn · 02/03/2023 13:44

No. Weirdly people like you more when you stop caring

I think that is because (now, sorry, this may hurt some feelings) many people who care try way too hard that it actually becomes uncomfortable, annoying and breaches your boundaries. Lots of people who get to the stage that you have to "escape" have own issues with boundaries and don't deal well with boundaries of others and that's something many people don't want to or can't be around

28January · 02/03/2023 14:16

No, there are a few people in my life whose opinion of me matters, the rest I genuinely couldn’t care less. I don’t like everyone, why should everyone like me. I find it most interesting when people who don’t like you assume you must give a shit 😁

Waitingforchid · 02/03/2023 14:18

RatherBeRiding · 02/03/2023 13:44

Their problem, not mine! Anyone who takes a dislike to me without a good reason isn't someone whose good opinion I would care about anyway.

This !

I think this sentiment becomes easier with age … at 50 provided I’ve done my best to treat people how I’d like to be treated if they don’t like me that’s fine … at 20/30 I would have been more concerned

tigger1001 · 02/03/2023 14:19

I am an over thinker and a people pleaser so it does bother me.

RRRException · 02/03/2023 14:20

Depends who it is

if I like them I’ll want to engage and find out either why they don’t like me or why I like them

if I don’t like them I don’t care

ferneytorro · 02/03/2023 14:20

The saying "what people think of me is none of my business" is a good one I find. As long as you aren't being deliberately awful of course you can't control what other people think.

What you are doing sounds like people pleasing/fawning (fawn being a trauma response as is flight, fight, freeze) and is often a trauma response - may be wide of the mark but have a google, there is often a deep seated reason why it bothers you so much.

5128gap · 02/03/2023 14:21

It used to when I was younger. I'd go to great lengths to be whatever the other person wanted me to be. As I got older I realised that this had resulted in a sizeable pool of people who thought I was great, many of whom brought little to my life, as I was rarely authentic with them, and often didn't even like them that much.
Nowadays I'm just me and never find that anyone I like doesn't reciprocate, so all good.

PeekAtYou · 02/03/2023 14:22

Trying to get people to like you is going to make you more annoying.

They don't dislike you because of something you said or did. People just prefer or get along better with certain types. For example an introvert might find being friends with an extrovert hard work because they want to go to noisy places like clubs and gigs where as they might prefer to meet at home or a restaurant. This can't be fixed because they are just very different people who like different kinds of places to hang out. Nobody is wrong here.

percypercypercy · 02/03/2023 14:24

It used to really bother me. I spent a lot of my life feeling misunderstood and wondering why people didn't like me. Turns out I am autistic and what shows externally isn't really what I think or feel inside. I don't care at all what people think of now

IncompleteSenten · 02/03/2023 14:25

Not any more.
It used to really upset me if I thought someone didn't like me (I was also really paranoid and over analysed every interaction for 'signs' that they didn't like me)

These days the account where I kept my fucks is at its overdraft limit and the bank of fucks refuse to extend me further credit .

Hitting menopause did it for me. I ran out of fucks about the same time I ran out of eggs .

I no longer give a shit.

It wasn't something I decided to do. It happened to me. A big old dose of fuck this shit.

IHaveaSetOfVeryParticularSkills · 02/03/2023 14:25

Also an important question.

Is that about being actively disliked or just people being neutral and not caring actually as in "meh, who? Oh X, yeah, never really spoken" shrug shoulders and go.

spelunky · 02/03/2023 14:29

I think most people would be lying if they said they never cared at all whether people like them.

But there are limits, and it depends on who it is.

There are a lot of people who I know just wouldn't like me for various reaosns (and I also probably wouldn't like them!) and that's fine. But if it's someone I like/ respect/ want to like me, then of course I care.

It becomes a problem if you really can't cope with anybody not liking you. Being universally liked is not an achievable goal.

RRRException · 02/03/2023 14:29

“Hitting menopause did it for me. I ran out of fucks about the same time I ran out of eggs.”

Fucking love this!!!

Martinisarebetterdirty · 02/03/2023 14:30

OP read the book the subtle art of not giving a fuck.

NastyNiff · 02/03/2023 14:30

I used to try hard to make them like me, but now I just remove myself from their orbit. I recently ended a volunteering commitment for this reason.

80sMum · 02/03/2023 14:30

Yes! I am massively bothered by that and will often go out of my way to convince the other person that I am the lovely person that I think I am.

NastyNiff · 02/03/2023 14:32

5128gap · 02/03/2023 14:21

It used to when I was younger. I'd go to great lengths to be whatever the other person wanted me to be. As I got older I realised that this had resulted in a sizeable pool of people who thought I was great, many of whom brought little to my life, as I was rarely authentic with them, and often didn't even like them that much.
Nowadays I'm just me and never find that anyone I like doesn't reciprocate, so all good.

This really resonates.

hettiethehare · 02/03/2023 14:32

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 02/03/2023 13:49

No. I don't like everyone and I don't expect everyone to like me.

I was a lot happier when I came to this exact conclusion.

HeadsShouldersKneesAndMyGreatAuntsWalkingStick · 02/03/2023 14:32

Yes.

I have this stupid paranoia that people talk behind my back in a negative way if they don't like me.

So silly. Wish I could get over it.

Tessisme · 02/03/2023 14:33

I like to think it doesn't bother me, but I do mull it over in the back of my brain and wonder vaguely what I did to annoy them. I have never gone out of my way to get people to like me and I'm not a natural socialiser, so I have to expect others to at least find me a bit odd.

BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 02/03/2023 14:33

I used to care, but things have changed. 😄

It’s very liberating when you let go of the need to be liked.

WiIson · 02/03/2023 14:34

It's not about what they think of you, but what you think of them 🤷‍♀️

SirenSays · 02/03/2023 14:35

I've worked in so many places where its a personality contest and people only look out for and promote their mates, so i think it does matter.
On normal day to day I couldn't give a fuck if I'm liked or not

Justmeandthedog1 · 02/03/2023 14:35

DramaAlpaca · 02/03/2023 13:45

It used to bother me a lot. I wanted to be liked.

Once I hit my menopausal years I realised I no longer cared what anyone thinks of me.

It's very liberating.

This.
One of the best things about ageing, I don’t give a flying fuck what anyone thinks of me.

Minikievs · 02/03/2023 14:41

I am you OP. If you find a way to not care as much, please share it as I think sometimes I try TOO hard to make people like me, and this just puts them off