Upset a staff member in tesco.. feel bad now but was I wrong?

[SpringIsSpringing23]

Last night I popped into tesco. At the checkout, the young lad (can't have been more than 18) was looking at his phone, didn't speak to me, kept chewing his nails and sticking his fingers in his mouth.

When it came to pay he didn't tell me how much. I was getting irritated at this point and just stood there until he looked up and I said you've not told me how much (obviously I could see on the screen). I said "you're too busy playing on your phone, and it's not hygienic to be chewing your nails when you're going to be handling food". I didn't have a go but said it in a firm manner.

He went bright red, muttered sorry and didn't give any eye contact the rest of the transaction. I then realised he had tears running down his face. I said I'm sorry, is everything OK? He ignored me so as I left I explained to the security guard (nobody else around) what happened and he said he'd go talk to him.

I feel absolutely awful that I've upset somebody... but was I wrong to have said something to him?

the check out woman kept me waiting, not moving the belt, and then said Are you ok as i had been the one keeping her waiting?
i did keep her waiting in the end when i had to bank transfer on my phone!
not intentionally, just bad timing

I'd have just eye-rolled or done that passive aggressive tutting we Brits excel at. I'm not sure the hygiene reference was called for. He's a teen. They are super conscious of stuff like that.

Stop over thinking. Going back for a second conversation. Especially with a gift is just bonkers. No good would come from that. Just avoid him in future.

i cant decide whether you were unreasonable or not,
i think judging by his reaction you probably were

People who put their fingers in their mouth make me feel sick. YANBU for that reason alone.

Yes, I thought this.

I wouldn’t have spoken to the lad because I was annoyed he was sufficiently attentive, but I would have mentioned it to someone at Customer Services so they could check he was OK.

rather than complain direct to him it may have been better to approach customer services

Probably his first job. Maybe he had autism and doesn't pick up on social cues? Or anxiety hence the finger/ nail biting?
He was just a kid. You had a go at him to make yourself feel better.
My son is 17 and has asd and would maybe act in a similar way to this without meaning to cause offence. If some jumped up woman made him cry and knock her head off.

It isn't surprising that gen z is flaky and temperamental. An 18nyear old being extremely discourteous got called out for it. He needs to learn to shape up and take it on the chin. And immediately needs to learn to do his job courteously and provide good customer service. His manager needs to be setting standards.

What on earth happened when he got told off at school? This makes me feel sorry for teachers.

If someone isn't able to work with the general public, they shouldn't be doing it. What OP saud, if as reported wasn't "nice" but then he wasn't exactly bring "nice" to her.

Maybe he was having a bad day, but then do do we all and we don't expect customers to pussy foot around us in case we may be having a bad day.

He wasn't showing her basic common decency, never mind any level of professionalism.

I wouldn't be upset if a customer pointed out to my DS that he wasn't doing his job properly, if he wasn't. And given how harsh people seem to be these days, the man (because 18 is adult) got off lucky not having someone yell at him, or refuse to buy the things he'd put his saliva on.

I think there are quite a few posters too who are moved by "man tears". If it was a 30-year old woman I'm not so sure they'd be saying "poor him", in this situation.

No way should he be looking at his phone when he is serving someone. Should not even have his phone with him.

When I worked in a shop we were told we were not to take our phones and, if we did, we would face disciplinary measures and possible sacking. All the youngsters ignored that and not only took them on the shop floor but also would look at their phones and text a lot of the time

Although all the excuse making for the kid, I’m seeing why so many young people in the workplace have zero resilience these days.

yes he could have been stressed/have something going on in his personal life but equally likely he was texting his mates, doesn’t give a fuck about his job, and cried because no one’s ever ticked him off before

YABU. You could see the total - why be difficult and belittle him because he didn’t say what you could clearly see. Sounds like you were on a power trip because he was young. Wonder if you would take the same tone with someone older.

You realise that humility means literally “having a low view of one’s importance”?

Says it all really.

He's being paid to do a job. It's ageist for people to judge him differently because he is 18 in the same way as it's ageist to judge the elderly. He is judged to be capable in the same way as a 28 year old or 38 year old.

He was wrong not to give the customer attention although I do think the way the OP spoke to him was too personal.

We should not make excuses for poor customer service. Where does it end?

No you have probably done him a favour . He will be more aware in future not to be so inattentive when at the workplace .We all learn from our mistakes. Hopefully he will too.

There might have been something going on and there might not... I was in Waitrose and the cashier took a phone call from her son. Not urgent - just looking for something in the house. Held up the whole queue on a Saturday afternoon.

Phone use is rampant everywhere and it encourages bad manners. I love having a quick look at my phone but I would never do it when there was a customer there. If there was an emergency - they could do what we did in the 'old days' and phone the shop who would come get us. But I refuse to believe that everyone messing about on there phones in work has an emergency.

I would imagine he was really embarrassed that you had a go at head. He is probably mortified you've now bought it to the attention of the security guard that he was upset. There is no way you would have spoken like that to an older woman or man if they provided poor customer service. I just can't imagine getting worked up by the staff in super markets not being all singing and dancing when it comes to "serving me".

I think there might have been a certain amount of patronising picking on a young man because you had made rude assumptions about the “youth of today” that you would not have made if you had observed that behaviour in an older person, and also might not have passed tour feedback on to an older person in the same way. It was not until he reacted like a vulnerable human being that you realised that is what he might be, not just a typical example of unwashed youth. However, his behaviour wasn’t really acceptable in a customer facing role, so I think it was more your patronising tone that was the issue, which you realised straight away, so obviously didn’t mean any harm. So, all in all, it was just one of those unfortunate misunderstandings, and he probably shouldn’t have been working on the till that day.

I wouldn't have done the same, but I don't think YABU if you were merely giving feedback in a civil way – and in the same way you would've to an older person – rather than power tripping on a teen.

However, talking to the security guard afterwards was a step too nosy IMO. You're not talking to a 16 year old's school teacher! The security guard's probably got nothing to do with the checkout people, and the lad whom you made cry probably doesn't want the incident being aired up and down across random Tesco staff.

There's a whole lot of projecting on to this young man going on on this thread. People making assumptions about how terrible his life was and his nail biting "obviously' being a sign of stress. 🙄

Maybe he was having a bad day. Maybe his gran just died. Maybe he just got dumped. Or maybe he was just clueless and a bit shit at his job. Nobody knows.

Yes, you could have been kinder, and given how you're feeling about it now I would guess you probably will be in future. But equally, sometimes when we are young and clueless someone calls us out and we get embarrassed and learn a harsh lesson.

Yes, especially someone so young. I understand the annoyance but he was probably being thoughtless, rather than deliberately crap.

I had had a horrible day at work and popped into my local sainsburys in a vile temper. I snapped at the gentleman who served me ( completely unwarranted and uncalled for) then burst into tears when I got home. Stewed on it for an hour feeling guilty as hell until I could bear it no longer and drove back to apologise. He was very kind about it. Not quite the same scenario but it sounds to me like the lad was having a bad day and his 'phone' could have been something like my daughter has to carry around with her at John Lewis to check stock etc.

You went too far with the hygienic comment and it was said out of frustration but saying ‘I don’t know how much it is’ was fair. Lord knows what was happening on his phone.

I doubt he will want to speak w with you again and that feeling is more about trying to diminish your guilt than his feelings.

I would let it go & hold the spikey tongue next time.

We can have our phones in Tesco because we use an app to check stock so let's put that one to bed.

So many judgmental comments about young people and phones, some of the hardest workers I have in my department are teenagers and it's their first job so how managers and customers treat them shapes their view of what working life will be like.

People forget that customers can be complete arseholes as well (not saying you are OP), and sometimes it doesn't take much to be the final straw when you've had a bad day.