Upset a staff member in tesco.. feel bad now but was I wrong?

[SpringIsSpringing23]

Last night I popped into tesco. At the checkout, the young lad (can't have been more than 18) was looking at his phone, didn't speak to me, kept chewing his nails and sticking his fingers in his mouth.

When it came to pay he didn't tell me how much. I was getting irritated at this point and just stood there until he looked up and I said you've not told me how much (obviously I could see on the screen). I said "you're too busy playing on your phone, and it's not hygienic to be chewing your nails when you're going to be handling food". I didn't have a go but said it in a firm manner.

He went bright red, muttered sorry and didn't give any eye contact the rest of the transaction. I then realised he had tears running down his face. I said I'm sorry, is everything OK? He ignored me so as I left I explained to the security guard (nobody else around) what happened and he said he'd go talk to him.

I feel absolutely awful that I've upset somebody... but was I wrong to have said something to him?

YANBU.

As we go through our working lives we learn how to put on a professional face and leave our home life at the door or realise we are going to be unable to do that and approach our employer to discuss support/leave. We don't just go to work and provide poor/unprofessional service to paying customers because of some other shit going on.

Maybe this prompted the lad to realise he had to stop trying to be strong or ignore it or whatever and he may have gone to get some support from a manager. I think that's an important learning curve in a working life, to seek support when needed.

Retail is a very hard job, customers are demanding and entitled - as demonstrated by your behaviour. It’s not your job to teach him manners or customer service skills, if you are unhappy with the service you receive then complain to the management.

This young person was obviously distracted and stressed by something, everyone has bad days at work and it’s difficult when you feel like that in a customer facing role.

You made him cry - that’s appalling.

Hes 18! I could understand with a 28 year old but at 18 they are still cooking! They haven't fully developed despite the government classification of an 'adult'. He was probably dealing with something very emotional that was taking over his life when some middle-aged woman comes along and tips him over the edge!

Compared to the hygiene levels across the rest of the food handling process, I personally couldn’t get worked up about a checkout assistant chewing their fingers. I’m surprised anyone could.

People usually chew their nails / fingers for a reason. Anxiety, a tic or stim etc. Or he could just be feckless, but the crying suggests something else was going on. You weren’t to know of course but it’s the consequence of you berating him. You need a thick skin working in retail but you need a thicker skin if you’re the type of person to “tell off” someone at work as you’re likely to make someone upset.

Why did you have to make a scene ffs? Who knows what is going on in his life? You had to be the big I am though didn’t you? Clearly it hasn’t made you feel any better so maybe next time you can just look at the screen, pay what you owe and then leave? Like a normal person?

Motheranddaughter · Today 07:42

Oh dear,poor lad

Oh for goodness sake! If he had something going on, he should have asked for a break, or to go home.

I think you were totally out of order,and a bully

Claptrap. His job is to serve customers and to interact with them, not ignore them. He was rude and if he can't take being asked to do his job, he's not going to get on in life, is he? She didn't bully him, she merely asked for the minimum standard of service, which she had the right to expect.

I wouldnt worry about. Hes probably been talked to like shit a few times, ignored by millions of customers on their phone and told hes not working fast enough by his manager and then asked to stay back an hour after his shift was supposed to end. Your comment may have just been the straw to break the camels back.

You weren't being unreasonable to call out poor service. When he appeared upset, you asked if he was ok and got a colleague to check on him so no, you didn't do anything wrong. If you'd carried on telling him off when he was crying that would have been unreasonable of course but we can't hold back on everything just in case someone's having a bad day. The solution is to be civil and concise with poor feedback, as you were, not make it a personal attack.

And from your account it sounds like the nail biting/ fingers in mouth were a symptom of extreme stress.

An 18 year old wouldn’t start crying because he was told off by a customer. Something else was clearly going on. Perhaps bad news delivered to his phone. It was nice of you to point it out to the security guard and I don’t think you bullied him.

I worked in retail when I was 17. Most of my colleagues were the same age. We were all part timers juggling work with college and our social lives. We didn’t take the job seriously and were frequently told off by customers. It’s fine. None of us were left mentally scarred.

If I was really irked by the poor service I’d have spoken to a different member of staff to raise it, rather than direct ‘offender’. The complaint would still be heard, but dealt with by someone who knows the full context (whether that awards the member of staff some mitigation, or adds to previous issues).

Poor lad. YADBVU.

what a crass generalisation

Distracted by his phone and chewing his nails... sounds like he had something going on tbh. The nail biting could have been anxiety induced rather than because he's generally unhygienic.

Ffs you actually think that happens from management!! Once again, 18 year old haven't even developed the skills to communicate thst they are struggling! No she didn't bully, buy she was a bit of a dick head customer demanding attention

You're weren't unreasonable OP, he was rude!

I would have told him off sooner, the whole hands in the mouth thing alone would've have made me say something. He's there to work, and basic humility to customers is a given.
When I was a teen in retail, that would have got me sacked, then to cry! He needs to get a grip.

I hate when I'm in a shop and you barely get a grunt now.

I would have gone to a supervisor if it had bothered you so much, and mentioned it rather than complained, if that makes sense

Awww sounds like he has things going on in life. None of us know what people are dealing with. I personally wouldn't speak to someone like that, and would just have paid the bill considering it was in clear view on the screen. I think you've been a bit stuck up there to be honest.

I don’t think you were wrong, as such, to say to him what you did, altho i think it was petty, and I expect it didn’t need to be quite so arsey, given it doesn’t matter much in the grand scheme of things, but it was a dick move to double down and tell the security guy. 1. Why? What do you think a security guy is going to do? (And yea I did read that there was no one else) And 2. You’ve already told him off like a naughty child leave it at that!

I think you should definitely feel guilty if you make a person cry

The OP wasn't polite, IMO.

No one knows why he had his phone and why he got upset. The right thing to do here is contact store management and if you can't find one, you can email the store. The management can then speak to him professionally and away from prying eyes of other staff, management and customers.

I worked in retail for many years and I could write a book on things that have happened, the one that stands out in my mind was the day one woman was extremely annoyed with me for not smiling while I checked through her grocery shopping, the whole transaction everyone knew what was going on, I was 16, I was mortified and it was when I learned the phrase 'resting bitch face', because she kept telling me I had one.

I would have said the same thing

Poor lad?

The OP was being perfectly reasonable. She's a customer not a social worker

I think it's okay to be having a bad day but if you are well enough to work, you should be doing your job properly.
I employ people and find it so frustrating that their quality of work depends on their mood!
I don't think you did anything wrong OP. Customer service is going to shit in this country because everyone is pandering to everyone else!

At what point though do we just allow people to come across rude though? Yes some people may well be going through something. But some will not and are just rude. If we don't pull up the rude people they'll never improve. Which professions are allowed to be on their phone and distracted? Check out people? Apparently yes. Waiters as well? Pilots? Dentists? Brain surgeons? Why should a surgeon be held to a higher standard than a check out person? They both might have horrible personal situations going on etc. They are both people with feelings. But I can guarantee you no one would find a doctor texting during their appointment acceptable no matter what the possible reason. Everyone should learn to leave their personal lives at home. Not just those in higher positions. And if they can't they may need to speak to someone and either get signed off work or put on other duties.