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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Upset a staff member in tesco.. feel bad now but was I wrong?

801 replies

SpringIsSpringing23 · 02/03/2023 07:33

Last night I popped into tesco. At the checkout, the young lad (can't have been more than 18) was looking at his phone, didn't speak to me, kept chewing his nails and sticking his fingers in his mouth.

When it came to pay he didn't tell me how much. I was getting irritated at this point and just stood there until he looked up and I said you've not told me how much (obviously I could see on the screen). I said "you're too busy playing on your phone, and it's not hygienic to be chewing your nails when you're going to be handling food". I didn't have a go but said it in a firm manner.

He went bright red, muttered sorry and didn't give any eye contact the rest of the transaction. I then realised he had tears running down his face. I said I'm sorry, is everything OK? He ignored me so as I left I explained to the security guard (nobody else around) what happened and he said he'd go talk to him.

I feel absolutely awful that I've upset somebody... but was I wrong to have said something to him?

OP posts:
MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 02/03/2023 08:24

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn for repeating deleted post.

Yes, let's not be mean to 18 year old lads, but misogyny and ageism are still 💯OK?

Have a go on this, then tell me "It's just a meme".

Valeriekat · 02/03/2023 08:24

MissMaple82 · 02/03/2023 07:48

Hes 18 ffs yes you were wrong! Poor lad

18 is an adult ffs.

NewCarOldCar · 02/03/2023 08:26

If you would have said the same to a 50 year old employee then YANBU

If you would have given them the benefit of the doubt and NOT said anything then YABU to say something to him

Only you know

Soakitup37 · 02/03/2023 08:26

dayswithaY · 02/03/2023 07:51

Retail is a very hard job, customers are demanding and entitled - as demonstrated by your behaviour. It’s not your job to teach him manners or customer service skills, if you are unhappy with the service you receive then complain to the management.

This young person was obviously distracted and stressed by something, everyone has bad days at work and it’s difficult when you feel like that in a customer facing role.

You made him cry - that’s appalling.

This 100%

MarvelMrs · 02/03/2023 08:27

You were awful and rude - yes. And you should be ashamed of yourself. You have no idea what that young man was deslimg
with, whether he was anxious, whether it was his first shift. The fault re the phone use is his employers. They usually allow phones on staff now. And any other
issues you have to say should have been addressed at customer services so they could have sat down and spoken with him to address them privately. You were unkind and rude to address them how you did in public.
The issues themselves were wrong and needed correcting. But not by you or how you did it.

timeandagain1 · 02/03/2023 08:27

Also lots of the comments saying he needs to take it on the chin and build resilience...if this had been an 18 year old girl and the customer male you would call him a bully. And for those saying he shouldn't work in customer services. I'm sure he hates it and won't work in customer facing roles long term but supermarket work is often peoples first job - where it is apparently fine to be told off and belittled by busy bodies.

FixitJesus · 02/03/2023 08:28

He ignored me so as I left I explained to the security guard

How pathetic of you.

twitterexile · 02/03/2023 08:28

FixitJesus · 02/03/2023 08:28

He ignored me so as I left I explained to the security guard

How pathetic of you.

That she was concerned that he was crying?

thefirstmrsrochester · 02/03/2023 08:29

Glitteratitar · 02/03/2023 08:16

YABU. You could see the total - why be difficult and belittle him because he didn’t say what you could clearly see. Sounds like you were on a power trip because he was young. Wonder if you would take the same tone with someone older.

This 👆.

You know you behaved like a dick as you now feel bad about your behaviour.

TaRaDeBumDeAy · 02/03/2023 08:29

Ricco12 · 02/03/2023 08:05

He is a young lad, I would imagine something traumatic to him was happening - girlfriend or boyfriend fuming him or such like and at that age it feels like the world is ending.

I absolutely would go back and see him with chocolates I think it will make his day.

Jesus christ.

hay5689 · 02/03/2023 08:29

NewCarOldCar · 02/03/2023 08:26

If you would have said the same to a 50 year old employee then YANBU

If you would have given them the benefit of the doubt and NOT said anything then YABU to say something to him

Only you know

This. I've witnessed myself how customers wouldn't dare call out an elder member of staff so you've hit the nail on the head with your comment.

Suzi888 · 02/03/2023 08:29

On the fence.
He gave bad customer service and you called him out on it.

You probably should have gone to a manager and complained, rather than scolded him. If I’d been him I’d prefer a customer saying something, rather than getting told off by management. He can address the nail biting (maybe) and the lack of communication now.

It doesn’t really matter what someone is “going through” if you’re in work, you have to work. 🤷🏼‍♀️ That’s what you’re getting paid for.

Nail biting is a habit. Unhygienic, but I hate it when they lick their fingers and then give me a bag, I take my own mostly!

CrotchetyCrocheting · 02/03/2023 08:29

iusedtobeasize8 · 02/03/2023 08:14

Probably his first job. Maybe he had autism and doesn't pick up on social cues? Or anxiety hence the finger/ nail biting?
He was just a kid. You had a go at him to make yourself feel better.
My son is 17 and has asd and would maybe act in a similar way to this without meaning to cause offence. If some jumped up woman made him cry and knock her head off.

My son is 16 has asd and works in our local supermarket and would be gutted if someone spoke to him like OP did. It was such a huge thing for him to get a weekend job, he was so proud and tries so hard. My view on the OP is definitely coloured by this. Having a disabled kid always makes me stop and think before instantly reacting to what I might think of as rude etc when it might just be someone trying their best or having a shit day.
I'm not saying the 18year old in this scenario has a disability just that you never know what's going on behind the scenes and at the end of the day you could see the total, you knew how much you had pay, it wouldn't have hurt you to just pay and move on with your day but you clearly hurt the young lad by berating him.

twitterexile · 02/03/2023 08:30

TaRaDeBumDeAy · 02/03/2023 08:29

Jesus christ.

Show quote history

😂

MamOfFive · 02/03/2023 08:31

YANBU. He's there to work, not sit on his phone. Also not hygienic, I would of said something too.

Aussiegirl123456 · 02/03/2023 08:32

Yep, you were unnecessarily mean because he wasn't customer service superstar of the day. You have no idea what was going on in his life. He may have been going through something horrendous, and wasn't allowed to take time off work.

*Probably biased as I was shouted at by a customer when young for not bringing her food quick enough and not smiling. I was having a miscarriage, in agony and devastated - and wasn't allowed to go home, otherwise I'd be fired, as 'short staffed'.

Alwayswonderedwhy · 02/03/2023 08:33

It was poor customer service but it sounds like something was distracting him that was maybe important.
You weren't to know though. So many staff give appalling customer service these days it's impossible to know if they're just crap or there's something else going on.

LoveHeartsFan · 02/03/2023 08:34

There’s a very simple reason why you’re supposed to read out the price to the customer.

They might be visually impaired (no, you wouldn’t always be able to tell, either, and from the sound of it the lad behind the till wasn’t observing the customer - being engaged means you’re more likely to anticipate the customer’s needs).

In this case the customer was able to see the screen. If she’d been visually impaired she would have been none the wiser as to how much she had to pay because he didn’t even carry out a basic interaction required in his job.

And then he’d have had a much bigger complaint.

For similar reasons, screens are supposed to be angled towards the customer so they can read the total. That way, if they’re deaf, they’re not wholly dependent on the voice of the till assistant.

The customer was correct to call him out and turning on the tears at a mild reproof shows a lot of immaturity. He is in a customer-facing role and the customer is entitled to have the basic courtesies of the role fulfilled and to point it out. She’s not said anything his manager wouldn’t also have picked up on as well!

There’s a deaf lady at my local supermarket and she’s super efficient at engaging with and anticipating customer needs because she knows that it’s like on the other side. She always makes eye contact and tells you the price clearly instead of half mumbling into her collar with her head down as so many do!

It’s a boring job for sure but not engaging with the customer is going to make it more boring, surely?

ChunkaMunkaBoomBoom · 02/03/2023 08:34

Lesson learned. It's irritating to be ignored by someone in a customer facing role, so perhaps you've done him a favour. He either needs to hide his boredom ( we've all had crappy jobs), find something to do,or find a new role.

nutellalover23 · 02/03/2023 08:35

You are horrible. Why do you CARE if he didn't look at u, didn't give u the amount, was biting his nails etc why do you CARE? You are just a busy body. You are only buying food from a supermarket what level of service do you actually expect? You've made an 18 year old boy cry clearly he had something else going on.

SinnerBoy · 02/03/2023 08:35

AnneElliott · Today 08:05

I used to work in M&S and the customer service expectations were really strict. It annoys me now that they've been dumbed down. Speaking to a customer and acknowledging them is not too much too ask.

I agree 100%. All the people saying that shop workers need their phones to check stock are ignoring the fact that he was scrolling through it when he was supposed to be attending to a customer. It wouldn't matter if it was quiet and he had nobody to serve - his actual job.

TellSomeoneElse · 02/03/2023 08:35

Oh god don’t go back with chocolates or anything, just don’t mention it ever again. He will still hold a grudge forevermore but that would be the case either way, bringing it up again would just draw more attention to it.

ChunkaMunkaBoomBoom · 02/03/2023 08:35

#He is a young lad, I would imagine something traumatic to him was happening - girlfriend or boyfriend fuming him or such like and at that age it feels like the world is ending.
I absolutely would go back and see him with chocolates I think it will make his day.'

😂Yeah, e deffo needs pandering to...

Snoreboar · 02/03/2023 08:36

It feels like this has become the new normal - customer service is bloody awful in so many companies I have to deal with and to be honest I’m now thinking roll on AI - if humans can’t be human let’s get the machines to do it

ConcordeOoter · 02/03/2023 08:37

You were NBU to gently chastise him for doing a shit job.

You were definitely BU to try and fix it by going and telling a male co-worker he is crying. What om earth do you imagine the consequences of that will be? I expect crying supermarket chap will welcome the spread of the news with open arms, not at all feel pissed on, then they'll have a hug and a cry together, and then maybe a heart to heart.

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