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AIBU?

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Original poster

Upset a staff member in tesco.. feel bad now but was I wrong?

801 replies

SpringIsSpringing23 · 02/03/2023 07:33

Last night I popped into tesco. At the checkout, the young lad (can't have been more than 18) was looking at his phone, didn't speak to me, kept chewing his nails and sticking his fingers in his mouth.

When it came to pay he didn't tell me how much. I was getting irritated at this point and just stood there until he looked up and I said you've not told me how much (obviously I could see on the screen). I said "you're too busy playing on your phone, and it's not hygienic to be chewing your nails when you're going to be handling food". I didn't have a go but said it in a firm manner.

He went bright red, muttered sorry and didn't give any eye contact the rest of the transaction. I then realised he had tears running down his face. I said I'm sorry, is everything OK? He ignored me so as I left I explained to the security guard (nobody else around) what happened and he said he'd go talk to him.

I feel absolutely awful that I've upset somebody... but was I wrong to have said something to him?

OP posts:
eggs4eyes · 03/03/2023 22:18

YANBU
I've worked in customer service in my mid 20's and have worked with kids in their early 20's behind the tils. They are definitely on another level when it comes to social cues and professionalism. Chatting to each other, not paying attention to customers and yeah, checking their phones regularly when phones aren't allowed behind tils.
I have been told off by a customer for talking behind the tils and it just made me more aware of my surroundings in an environment where I was being paid to live up to a certain professional standard.
I don't think there's any reason why someone should be excused for a lack of professionalism, especially when they're young. This is the best time to learn what not to do in the work place, especially as customer service jobs are always indemand and widely spread.
You said you were stern and not having ago, thats all you have to do.
I'm definitely not saying to shout at workers but please don't feel guilty on giving them criticism when they could benefit from it in the long run!!

Original poster
SpringIsSpringing23 · 03/03/2023 22:37

OK I ADMIT I AM A NASTY BULLY WHO HAS ABSOLUTELY RUINED THAT KIDS LIFE.

Ok? Can we just let this thread die now?

OP posts:
Streamside · 03/03/2023 22:54

wideclosedspaces · 02/03/2023 07:50

This. You never know what’s going on in someone else’s life and if you are already at rock bottom someone being arsey to you like this can really tip you over the edge.

Its why you should really try to refrain from throwing around petty arsiness like this.

There are pleasant ways to get messages like yours across, I’ve received them myself as a youth, but you sounded like you were on a mini scolding power trip. You’d judged and condemned him in your mind and you wanted him to know it.

Show quote history

So true, a little empathy goes a long way. I'd be devastated if I left a young person in tears.
At this stage in my life I don't expect anyone to make small talk with me and couldn't really care if they do. My teenagers have all worked in retail and they've had such difficult experiences.

amyds2104 · 03/03/2023 23:00

If you could see the total why did you need to be told it? Just to make a point to a young person on minimum wage because you was in a bad mood and had a long drive. Poor customer service but also poor manners.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 04/03/2023 02:44

SpringIsSpringing23 · 03/03/2023 22:37

OK I ADMIT I AM A NASTY BULLY WHO HAS ABSOLUTELY RUINED THAT KIDS LIFE.

Ok? Can we just let this thread die now?

Never mind the nutters.

You were fine to give him a wake up call. If he can't cope with providing rudimentary customer service he needs to find a different job.

Whenharrymetsmelly · 04/03/2023 04:06

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 04/03/2023 02:44

Never mind the nutters.

You were fine to give him a wake up call. If he can't cope with providing rudimentary customer service he needs to find a different job.

Show quote history

Agree. He was not doing his job and it was fine to call him out (unfortunate overall though)

Nicecow · 04/03/2023 04:09

Rhondaa · 03/03/2023 16:08

'Whether you think I was right or wrong, I don't get why so much response.'

Because many of us will have teens who will have come in from work upset at a busybody causing trouble at work, also most of us shop in supermarkets and couldn't give a rat's ass about the chat or finger nail biting at the till. Just have some perspective and stop bossying shop staff about.

If your teen was being useless on their phone while they're supposed to be working and you think they were the victim then you're a pretty useless parent. Setting them up to fail in life. (Not talking about OPs specific incident, but to this comment). I worked in retail when I was a teen and I managed to do a good job Hmm

Nappster · 04/03/2023 08:41

We never know what others are going through and what they are dealing with therefore it’s always nice to be kind 😊

piedbeauty · 04/03/2023 08:47

Nappster · 04/03/2023 08:41

We never know what others are going through and what they are dealing with therefore it’s always nice to be kind 😊

This reply made my roll my eyes so hard.

How smug. I'm fed up of women being told to be kind when other people are not kind to us.

Should we never say anything for fear of upsetting someone? What a ridiculous way to live.

Reallifelurker · 04/03/2023 08:53

And making a comment like that, when the OP is already freaking out, is kind is it?

SinnerBoy · 04/03/2023 08:54

SpringIsSpringing23 · Yesterday 22:37

OK I ADMIT I AM A NASTY BULLY WHO HAS ABSOLUTELY RUINED THAT KIDS LIFE.

It's not a Soviet show trial here, no need for false confessions!

SinnerBoy · 04/03/2023 08:55

piedbeauty · Today 08:47

Should we never say anything for fear of upsetting someone? What a ridiculous way to live.

I agree, SpringIsSpringing23 was irked and made a brusque remark, she didn't rant and rave at him.

Glitteratitar · 04/03/2023 08:56

Oh come of it OP. You originally sounded sincere then showed you were proud of what you did by your later posts as you had support here. And now you’re playing the poor victim. Which one is it?

Glitteratitar · 04/03/2023 08:57

piedbeauty · 04/03/2023 08:47

This reply made my roll my eyes so hard.

How smug. I'm fed up of women being told to be kind when other people are not kind to us.

Should we never say anything for fear of upsetting someone? What a ridiculous way to live.

Show quote history

Nothing about this post suggested it’s only women who should show kindness…

HollyBerri · 04/03/2023 09:06

How csn he have been playing with his phone, biting his nails and scanning your shopping? I think you were a bully to be honest. Probably a bit nervous and unsure if himself. I think i would have been tempted yo just engaged him in conversation.

OliveBreadKalamata · 04/03/2023 09:10

OK I ADMIT I AM A NASTY BULLY WHO HAS ABSOLUTELY RUINED THAT KIDS LIFE.

Or possibly have given him information that might mean he doesn’t get disciplined or fired from future jobs, or pass on illnesses to other people.

HollyBerri · 04/03/2023 09:11

Lol. Just read all the updates. Yep nasty busybody bully. I hope you meet your match next time you offer unwanted advice and they give it back to you.

Over40Overdating · 04/03/2023 09:57

OP if you’d had a unanimous back patting here you would have no issue with the length of thread or it making it to the Fail.

You switched tone from feeling awful to smug back to awful then to feeling victimised. All due to your own actions.

You were keen to impart a lesson on manners and how to behave on someone who didn’t ask for your input - and you got it.

Florissant · 04/03/2023 09:57

SpringIsSpringing23 · 03/03/2023 22:37

OK I ADMIT I AM A NASTY BULLY WHO HAS ABSOLUTELY RUINED THAT KIDS LIFE.

Ok? Can we just let this thread die now?

It took all this time...

NeverDropYourMooncup · 04/03/2023 10:02

SpringIsSpringing23 · 03/03/2023 22:37

OK I ADMIT I AM A NASTY BULLY WHO HAS ABSOLUTELY RUINED THAT KIDS LIFE.

Ok? Can we just let this thread die now?

Ah, so you don't like strangers pulling you up on your behaviour when they find it unacceptable?

Quite upsetting, is it?

Just as well it isn't to your face when it could even mean that you lost your job as a result, really.

BadNomad · 04/03/2023 10:03

We'll be round to drop off some chocolates for you on Monday morning.

Amispringy · 04/03/2023 10:10

Nappster · 04/03/2023 08:41

We never know what others are going through and what they are dealing with therefore it’s always nice to be kind 😊

Oh ffs

Wet blankets all around

OP there are clearly a lot of very bored posters here, engaged in a pile on

The boy was in the wrong, the OP was perfectly justified

All the rest is laughable

Over40Overdating · 04/03/2023 10:27

@Amispringy more or less wet blankety than grown adults getting mortally offended because the cashier at their local supermarket won’t make eye contact with them?

Because that’s VERY much being a wet blanket in my book.

TheWitchOfShields · 04/03/2023 10:30

Lots of posts pointing out the 'tone' of which the OP spoke to the lad, but were you all there? Written words do not give context or prove any tone used during verbal communication. For all you know, the OP could've spoken to him gently and kindly, politely pointing out he hadn't given her the total etc but you've all assumed she's been mean and spoken out of turn! Berating the OP and telling her to 'be kind' etc works both ways. We cannot go through life pandering to other people's shit behaviour just because we all should 'be kind' and assume someone is having a bad day.

Op, you we're not being unreasonable, I would've done the same. Some, not all, customer service is absolutely shit in supermarkets. For some people, the only interaction with another human is at the supermarket and being ignored at the checkout may make them feel terrible too.

I personally prefer self service tills, reduces the need for any other interaction with anyone and then no-one gets upset, except me shouting at the machine lol 😊

Amispringy · 04/03/2023 10:40

Over40Overdating · 04/03/2023 10:27

@Amispringy more or less wet blankety than grown adults getting mortally offended because the cashier at their local supermarket won’t make eye contact with them?

Because that’s VERY much being a wet blanket in my book.

Glad we don't read the same books then.

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