Upset a staff member in tesco.. feel bad now but was I wrong?

[SpringIsSpringing23]

Last night I popped into tesco. At the checkout, the young lad (can't have been more than 18) was looking at his phone, didn't speak to me, kept chewing his nails and sticking his fingers in his mouth.

When it came to pay he didn't tell me how much. I was getting irritated at this point and just stood there until he looked up and I said you've not told me how much (obviously I could see on the screen). I said "you're too busy playing on your phone, and it's not hygienic to be chewing your nails when you're going to be handling food". I didn't have a go but said it in a firm manner.

He went bright red, muttered sorry and didn't give any eye contact the rest of the transaction. I then realised he had tears running down his face. I said I'm sorry, is everything OK? He ignored me so as I left I explained to the security guard (nobody else around) what happened and he said he'd go talk to him.

I feel absolutely awful that I've upset somebody... but was I wrong to have said something to him?

Extremely rude - now who's being a snowflake?

Ugh what?
Why is poor hygiene acceptable when handling our food? Or being rude to customers? He shouldn't be really doing the job if he's going to be disgusting, rude, then break down and refuse to talk to the customer again who humoured him far more than I would have!

Can you talk when you are upset and embarrassed?

I'd say I'm sure he could manage to maintain being professional, but he wasn't professional to begin with.

Would you have kicked off at him as above you said OP humoured him more that you would have?

He was rude and unhygienic. But, if he's got anxiety it can be debilitating and doing a customer facing job must be really difficult at times. I'm sure some people will say he shouldn't be in the job and so on, but we all have to get on with things. A part time job in Tesco might be all he can cope with.

I know that's not your fault, but I generally try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Especially people in low paid, unskilled, boring jobs.

No, entitled customers who are getting exactly what they need anyway should keep their mouths shut, to avoid shitting on other human beings who are just trying to get through a miserable day.

And with your "should women stay silent" comment appears a desire to extrapolate this situation to social conflict. If so, consider that the conflict is not about sexism - it's about class.

Middle class customers should be polite or stay silent when being served, to avoid making working class people's lives harder than they already do.

I would have said something along the lines of:
'That is an extremely unhygienic thing to be doing when handling food, especially in front of customers, assuming you're actually aware I'm here.' Then I would have sent sent email stating the facts, and asking to ensure their employees are hygienic and have a bit more awareness that there are customers there instead of main focus on their phones.

No fucking way would I have then apologised and bought him chocolates. Or let tge security know he had his feelings hurt by reality. That is humouring him way more than I would would. I'd half be expecting the supermarket to offer me a voucher if anything.

'But of course a customer's mindless desire for complete attention and a fake smile from the stranger scanning their shopping is more important!'

It's just arrogance isn't it. I cringe when I see folk in shops or restaurants making tits of themselves having a go at minimum wage staff. Pick your battles in life.

😂Are you fuming a lot day to day?

I'm working class, I come from a very deprived background and on a low income now.
I would have said something similar to OP. I certainly wouldn't have apologised for it, or bought him chocolates.

Yeah, that's obviously it.
I'm walking round fuming all day.
Obviously this boy did nothing wrong, and Obviously women should apologise and shower him with Chocolates because he's disgusting and rude.
Obviously just an unreasonably angry woman to call out when someone is being rude to them, and unhygienic with their shopping.

You could just let it go and not go to his till again because as it has been mentioned many times that he could have been having a really bad day. Personally because I'm a nice person I would just have let it go and get on with my day knowing I wasn't a nasty twat.

Middle class customers should be polite or stay silent when being served, to avoid making working class people's lives harder than they already do.

Pulling out the most oppressed identity politics grift is not helpful.

And with your "should women stay silent" comment appears a desire to extrapolate this situation to social conflict. If so, consider that the conflict is not about sexism - it's about class.

Middle class customers should be polite or stay silent when being served, to avoid making working class people's lives harder than they already do.

@NowDoYouBelieveMe, I completely disagree. You're projecting - how do you know the teen was working class? He could easily be middle class or upper class, taking a PT job to save for uni. And how do you know the OP was MC? She could easily be WC.

And do you really think that MS people should shut up about everything, so as not to make WC people's lives harder? That's bonkers.

But why does this situation have to be about either class or sex or power? The OP saw the teen behaving in a way that was unacceptable and called him out on it, politely. Let's not make it more than it was.

Ah who's to see he's not a twat and I'm having a bad day?

@VWCVT6 - Personally because I'm a nice person I would just have let it go and get on with my day knowing I wasn't a nasty twat.

How ironic! I'm fairly sure that a nice person wouldn't call another woman 'a nasty twat' on MN simply for having a word with a shop assistant. What does that make you, then? There was nothing wrong with the OP's behaviour.

We can argue about it till the cows come home. I wouldn't have done it because I don't go around scolding people. Feel free to scold whoever you want. Some people like confrontation, some people don't. Some people think about other people's feelings, some don't. Crack on!

Oh no, you are also offended by swearing.

Nah, @VWCVT6, I'm not offended by swearing at all. I'm pointing out how two-faced and un-self-aware you're being.

Perhaps because I'm giving the young man benefit of the doubt where as certain posters have made it quite clear that they don't and don't mind upsetting people as they go about their day.

I can't be bothered to argue anymore.

That's my point. YOU tried to make it about men and women.

So I added a more realistic dimension of social conflict to your argument.

And yes I do think middle class people act far too entitled and should shut up instead of criticising the people serving them.

Also you saying "are you projecting" in every post, like it's some kind of trump card, is plain silly.

Anyway OP admits that what she did was inappropriate and did her best to make up for it.

Let's hope the worker is having a better day today.

Well said agree with every word.

What a great example to us all. Gold star!
So what if they're being rude and unhygenic, just ignore it. Boys and men are probably having a bad day. Girls and women are just angry or nasty twats. If we use the same argument, well that's just arguing about it until the cows come home.

Maybe we can have some MRAs use us as a pair, put us on a poster, show everyone how a nice twat behaves and how a nasty twat does.

What has male/female got to do with it?

I said earlier that if it was a man scolding a young woman there would have been uproar on here.

I am quite a good example, thank you.