Upset a staff member in tesco.. feel bad now but was I wrong?

[SpringIsSpringing23]

Last night I popped into tesco. At the checkout, the young lad (can't have been more than 18) was looking at his phone, didn't speak to me, kept chewing his nails and sticking his fingers in his mouth.

When it came to pay he didn't tell me how much. I was getting irritated at this point and just stood there until he looked up and I said you've not told me how much (obviously I could see on the screen). I said "you're too busy playing on your phone, and it's not hygienic to be chewing your nails when you're going to be handling food". I didn't have a go but said it in a firm manner.

He went bright red, muttered sorry and didn't give any eye contact the rest of the transaction. I then realised he had tears running down his face. I said I'm sorry, is everything OK? He ignored me so as I left I explained to the security guard (nobody else around) what happened and he said he'd go talk to him.

I feel absolutely awful that I've upset somebody... but was I wrong to have said something to him?

@Aui the only making this man vs women is you and some of the OPs batshit supporters.

This is nothing to do with him being a man - it’s to do with him being a young person, in a lower paid position, where OP decided to chide him publicly like he was her child or minion.

I could not be more pro women or women’s rights - that doesn’t mean my default view of the world is that women are always right and men are always wrong.

Women can be every bit the angry entitled arsehole men can be. And I support every woman’s right to be that. But it doesn’t exempt you from the consequences of being an arsehole.

You do women a huge disservice every time you shout that in every situation where it’s a man and a woman, the man must be wrong and criticism of a woman is sexist. It makes us seem feeble minded.

You were horrible. He was young and I wouldn't have said anything

I haven't read the whole thread...
But because they're male and female? That is what it has to do with it? Just because you said something doesn't make it true. Of course, there is always a power imbalance between males and females, which would effect it a little.

But the facts would remain I would say the same regardless whether it was a male or female being rude and disgusting. Though with a male I would be more concerned about a violent response. Many would feel the same way. Though if OP, a woman did post this with a teenage girl, she'd be told she needs to grow thick skin if in customer service, and in all fairness it was disgusting and rude. Certainly wouldn't be expected to give her gifts after.

@Aui I have no words. You are bringing male violence into it now and the balance of power in the sexes.

This has nothing to do with anything on this thread.

If it had been a female serving her, the response here would be different.
You bought up men scolding girls. That is a power imbalance you bought up and I response to.

Honestly I feel what you said was quite mild. Obviously something else was happening.

If you go back with a bar of chocolate and say sorry I'm sure he would appreciate it.

I've been called a cnut etc as part of one of my old jobs, I was also called a 'pedalo witch' and all kinds of things, had threats, it was awful, this was all via the phone, the general public can be alarming tbh.

You and I have different views on what scolding is.

Sorry just read your last post (there are a lot of posts). I think you did the right thing.

I'm confused. Do you mean you think it is OK for women to scold young people but not men?

You're not confused, at least not in the way you're pretending to be. You're responding to part of what is said, trying to find some way to make a point.
This was not really scolding, but a pretty calm response to unhygienic and rude service. She pointed it out. She didn't call him a disgusting little cretin, which I can imagine as a response. If OP were a man or a woman, it would be fine. If she were a man she wouldn't have felt the need to apologise or buy him chocolates though.

If this had been a girl or young woman instead of a boy/ young man the response here would be different. We need to stop babying boys and men.

Anyway nice twat, I know you know this really. Because how can you not? It is impossible to have a discussion since you don't actually respond to the points made. Pretend other people have bought things up. You take part of what was said, repeatedly, and try to argue that boys/men can be rude and we should just ignore it. Not even make a matter of fact statement. Otherwise we're walking around angry all the time and/ or nasty twats.

Since you can't respond properly, which I can see a few times on the thread and not just with me, and use name calling to try and prove you're point, I really don't see the point in discussing it. You don't know how to. There's a lot of people like that on the Internet and I don't have the energy. So this nasty twat is going to go have a cup of tea. Bye.

He's 18, at work. He shouldn't have been on his phone. I'd have emailed the store as I would be too intimidated by challenging a male.

You've come online to get reassurance that you did the right thing by belittling a teenager on minimum wage to a point that you made them cry.

Do you really need telling that this was too much?

Horrendous

I think he’d probably been allowed to have his phone for some reason and that he may have been worrying about something he was waiting to hear about. You probably made him feel even worse, poor boy.

Fuck me. Over 700 replies and it made the daily mail. I'm amazed at how much response this has had. Whether you think I was right or wrong, I don't get why so much response.

This thread should have died the same day I posted it. I've actually hardly replied as it's bloody ridiculous. It's everyone else who has kept this going enough for the daily mail to pick it up.

I will absolutely not be saying anything to anybody in future.

Don't over think it. It's done now. You weren't to know his reaction and you wouldn't be doubting yourself if he would have turned round and apologised. If you want to challenge people then you have to accept their response and not keep going over what has been said - I doubt he is still thinking about you.

Good, maybe in future you should stick to online shopping if you can’t help yourself from trying to parent other people’s teenagers

If this had been a girl or young woman instead of a boy/ young man the response here would be different. We need to stop babying boys and men.

I honestly was confused and I'm even more confused now.

If it had been a girl cashier my response would have been 100% the same as would everyone else.

BourbonBon · Today 13:39

...if you can’t help yourself from trying to parent other people’s teenagers

Or expecting a minimum of common courtesy and level of service in, you know, a service industry.

So it's everyone else's fault that it's in the Daily Fail, not yours for starting the thread in the first place?

Okay then 😂

Sounds like a good result

Trouble is you never know what someone else might be going through. Usually best to mind your own business but you did say something to someone to go to him so you can’t be all bad 😂

Poor lad. YABU

YANBU.

The dramatics on this thread is comical.

Parenting other people's teenagers? 😂

We need to stop pussy footing around everyone.

You are a customer. He is in a customer facing role. His service was crap. Not like you went all guns blazing.

And she's right, who wants someone handling their shopping when they've been putting their fingers in their mouth?

No thanks!

I will absolutely not be saying anything to anybody in future.

Good result. Just leave the customer service training to professionals.

I did this in Habitat when the till man was picking his nose and merrily chewing away. Told him off, as one would a toddler, still feel guilty about it (but someone needed to tell him).