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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not going to my nephew's christening?

308 replies

headlessduck · 01/03/2023 19:24

Hey, my sister has just had her first baby and they have decided to christen him. None of our family is religious, but my BIL's parents are quite religious. I think they are mostly christening him because of them. I think that raising your child to be religious is deeply unethical. I think it is wrong to teach kids their ludicrous beliefs which there is almost no evidence for as if they are facts. It actively discourages critical thinking. You are facilitating a religion that is deeply misogynistic and homophobic, even if you conveniently ignore these parts of the Bible. Christenings are promising to do just that. At best it is a hypocritical promise. In this case, I think this is all it is. I feel uncomfortable supporting this, and I find religious ceremonies infuriating and boring. I told her I would not be going for these reasons. It is their choice. I am not trying to stop them from doing this, I just don't want to go myself. However, she told me this was "ridiculous" and "pathetic" and that it was "mostly just an excuse for a party." What does everyone think of this? AIBU not going to my nephew's christening?

OP posts:
x2boys · 01/03/2023 19:26

Yeah dont go and ruin it 🙄

Hoppinggreen · 01/03/2023 19:26

I don’t go to Christenings, just the after parties

Tiredmum100 · 01/03/2023 19:26

Personally I would go to support my sister.

x2boys · 01/03/2023 19:27

And its,not all about you .

grumpycow1 · 01/03/2023 19:28

YABVU. I’m an atheist but I went to both of my nephews’ christenings. I can accept that others have different beliefs to mine. Of course I haven’t christened my own children which would be deeply hypocritical. Why are your views more important than sharing a harmless family moment? They are the parents and it’s their decision to make how to raise their own child.

zurala · 01/03/2023 19:29

YANBU. What they are doing is against your principles, you don't have to support them in it.

MyOldFriendTime · 01/03/2023 19:29

It's not about YOU though is it?!!!

Mutabiliss · 01/03/2023 19:30

I don't go to christenings, I don't agree with them. I've never outright said 'I'm not coming because I think it's wrong', I'm just busy that day.

To be fair very few of my friends have had christenings, it's not really a thing for most people I know.

JudgeJ · 01/03/2023 19:30

headlessduck · 01/03/2023 19:24

Hey, my sister has just had her first baby and they have decided to christen him. None of our family is religious, but my BIL's parents are quite religious. I think they are mostly christening him because of them. I think that raising your child to be religious is deeply unethical. I think it is wrong to teach kids their ludicrous beliefs which there is almost no evidence for as if they are facts. It actively discourages critical thinking. You are facilitating a religion that is deeply misogynistic and homophobic, even if you conveniently ignore these parts of the Bible. Christenings are promising to do just that. At best it is a hypocritical promise. In this case, I think this is all it is. I feel uncomfortable supporting this, and I find religious ceremonies infuriating and boring. I told her I would not be going for these reasons. It is their choice. I am not trying to stop them from doing this, I just don't want to go myself. However, she told me this was "ridiculous" and "pathetic" and that it was "mostly just an excuse for a party." What does everyone think of this? AIBU not going to my nephew's christening?

With such aggressive views I wouldn't want you there and you certainly wouldn't be welcome to the party afterwards.

DangerNoodles · 01/03/2023 19:31

YANBU OP, I have been to many welcoming parties and naming ceremonies but I do not do Christenings. I was raised Christian but now, like you I find many aspects of Christianity offensive and as such I don't give my support to a child being introduced to it.

Comedycook · 01/03/2023 19:31

Yabu. Is this a reverse?

ExtraOnions · 01/03/2023 19:31

…then you don’t have your children Christened then, but you’ve no right to tell anyone else what to do.

i think you should stay away, and let others enjoy the day.

FitAt50 · 01/03/2023 19:31

I take it you don't do Christmas either..... You sound like a bit of a misery

declutteringmymind · 01/03/2023 19:32

YABU

I'm sure your family have done stuff for you just because you wanted them to and kept their mouths politely shut because they want to see you happy. I think that's what you should do.

Undermyumberellaellaella · 01/03/2023 19:32

You seem too self centred?

I'm sure you don't go to weddings for the same similar reasons then? It's too old fashioned, the dads basically handing the bride over to another family to look after her etc.

It's not about you. But it's your choice not to go.

shopmyfeelings · 01/03/2023 19:33

I would suck it up and go despite being an atheist.
I'm even a godmother to children whose parents know I'm not religious.
As far as I'm concerned it's about committing to that child and I'll suffer the fairy stories and a couple of songs to do that.

iklboo · 01/03/2023 19:33

What are the chances of the child being an active churchgoer after the christening? Are they having the baby christened so he has a better chance of getting into a 'religious' school?

I don't believe in Christianity at all but would still go to a family christening. I just tune out during the ceremony.

DangerNoodles · 01/03/2023 19:34

Oh and I didn't attend my nephew's christening. My sister was fine with it and fully admitted that it was only because she wants her DS to get into a particular school. I did attend the after party though.

Puppers · 01/03/2023 19:35

You should have just politely declined instead of lecturing your sister on her choices for her family.

MrsBunnyEars · 01/03/2023 19:36

What will your presence (or not) change?

Mamoun · 01/03/2023 19:36

I hope you don't dare to celebrate Christmas in any way at all. No lunches, no parties, no present, no nothing.
There is the word Christ in Christmas, you know the homophobic, misogynistic ...

YABVU

ImAvingOops · 01/03/2023 19:36

It's your sister's baby - just go and stop being a pillock about it.

In the end what is more important to you - maintaining this stance or your sister's feelings?

I'm a godparent to my best friends child, despite not being a believer - I just view it as being a supportive person to the child, when they need me. That's what you'll be doing for your sister

DangerNoodles · 01/03/2023 19:36

It's not the same as a wedding though. During the christening the attendants are asked that they will help raise the child within the Christian faith. Plus the couple are adults who are capable of making thier own decisions on faith. A baby or young child doesn't understand.

TellSomeoneElse · 01/03/2023 19:37

Oh don’t be such a self righteous dick.

Penguinsaregreat · 01/03/2023 19:39

I think you are wrong not to go.
From your rationale I take it that you refuse to attend any religious event whatsoever, so all weddings with any religious element are a no go for you, is that correct? Would you also refuse to attend a wedding of a couple who are already living together or have children already? Where do you draw the line?
I do think your sister is out of order in stating a Christening is just an excuse for a party though.

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