AIBU not going to my nephew's christening?

[headlessduck]

Hey, my sister has just had her first baby and they have decided to christen him. None of our family is religious, but my BIL's parents are quite religious. I think they are mostly christening him because of them. I think that raising your child to be religious is deeply unethical. I think it is wrong to teach kids their ludicrous beliefs which there is almost no evidence for as if they are facts. It actively discourages critical thinking. You are facilitating a religion that is deeply misogynistic and homophobic, even if you conveniently ignore these parts of the Bible. Christenings are promising to do just that. At best it is a hypocritical promise. In this case, I think this is all it is. I feel uncomfortable supporting this, and I find religious ceremonies infuriating and boring. I told her I would not be going for these reasons. It is their choice. I am not trying to stop them from doing this, I just don't want to go myself. However, she told me this was "ridiculous" and "pathetic" and that it was "mostly just an excuse for a party." What does everyone think of this? AIBU not going to my nephew's christening?

I don't think you should go any more than a racist would be sensible to go to a Carribean carnival or a homophobe should go to a gay wedding.

You would, however, be unreasonable to expect your sister and her DH to remain friendly towards you when you express such contempt for them based soley on them belonging to a group you hate.

I think that's the point though. It's not a special day. It's purely an excuse for a party.

‘It actively discourages critical thinking.’ You are a bigot with no understanding of religious faith or indeed education. This isn’t the 1700s.

I think you should be able to separate your own belief system from others life choices. Personally I think it's no different in an atheist judging and shunning a Christian for their belief than a Christian judging and shunning an atheist for their lack of belief. You have your opinions and you're entitled to them. You can still show up for your sister and nephew without having to participate in the service in any way and I'm sure given that she understands your views that it would mean even more to her that you would go to show her that you care. By not attending you are giving her the message that you care more about your opinions than you do about her and your nephew. And that is quite sad if that's the case. It is possible to disagree deeply with someone on something and still care about them as a person and show up when they need you to without being cruel and cold about it.

Your sister thinks it is "mostly just an excuse for a party" and she's telling you that you are being ridiculous and pathetic for standing by your principles? I can't help thinking that she's being a bit hypocritical herself.

Well, here sister said that to try to persuade OP after a fairly unpleasant attack. We have no clue about her detailed views and (whatever they are) it's not really relevant- it's not like she's having a pro-slavery event or something, this is a personal decision for the child's family.

Private choices like this, which affect no-one else, are never the real reason people hate particular groups. It's always just a post-hoc justification for ingrained prejudice.

It's a special day for the child's father and his family, even if it's more about the party for OP's sister.

It's not just about OP and her sister. But I agree with others that her BIL and his family are better off if OP doesn't attend. I can't see her keeping her mouth shut in a day that's important to them. It's what most of us atheists are considerate enough to do.

I am always "busy" when invited to christenings so no I don't think you are being unreasonable.

YANBU not to go.

I think that raising your child to be religious is deeply unethical. I think it is wrong to teach kids their ludicrous beliefs which there is almost no evidence for as if they are facts. It actively discourages critical thinking. You are facilitating a religion that is deeply misogynistic and homophobic, even if you conveniently ignore these parts of the Bible. Christenings are promising to do just that

YABVVVVVU with all of this

😂 embarrassing

I christened both my kids and my husband and I are atheists. It delighted my very religious mum and yes, it was a great excuse to throw 2 amazing parties. I kept the certificates in case they were needed to get into a good school that insisted on it. Nothing more to it, just a bit of water on their forehead and great photographs.

The only way is ethics

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Honestly, I feel the same way about Christenings, marriages (in church) and funerals. I'd rather not be in a church, ever.

But I attend, because I love and care about my friends and family.

Hating Christians for being 'intolerant' yet having very strong, intolerant views yourself? Hypocritical. Just because YOU have one view on the world and how it should be doesn't make it right. But you're allowed to have it, and so are Christians. They are also allowed to raise their children however they deem fit. If they truly believe that the only way to Heaven is by following Jesus Christ, then they're actually doing the right thing by their children. They can't help their beliefs and you cant help yours. But you can help your attitude toward people with a different view on the world.

If you celebrate Christmas then you have absolutely no moral grounds to refuse to go to a Christening 🤷‍♀️

I won’t attend religious rituals performed on children. It is highly unethical and I won’t be a participant, even passively..

if there is a secular party afterwards and they would want me to attend even after I declined the religious segment, then I would attend that portion. That is just a party after all and more about gathering the family and community of the child. I would also completely understand that they might not want me to pick and choose which portions I attend.

I’m not a Christian. In fact I’m a totally different religion. By your logic then I wouldn’t attend my close friend’s child’s Christening as I don’t believe in Jesus and therefore the christening would be meaningless to me.

it’s your sister, you should absolutely be there to support her on the day, regardless of your personal opinion. She’s not mutilating her child or hurting them, and in the grand scheme of life there will be far more issues to screw this child up than having vaguely religious grandparents and getting christened.

OP do you also think families raising children as Jewish and Muslim are also unethical and sort of a misogynistic culture? Or is it just Christmas you’re openly contemptuous about?

Id go either way - it isn’t about you after all.

This!!

Perform rituals 🤣 they aren’t slicing the baby open, they’re putting a wee bit of water in their head.

What are your views on Jews circumcising boys at birth?

My stance is quite clear in my post, religious rituals performed on children are unethical.

I will happily attend the religious rituals of adults who choose them freely, regardless of their particular faith.

A bit of water on a baby’s head is unethical?

Lets face it, 99% of people these days have a christening for the party and their child never hears a thing about God ever again and then they don’t see their godparents ever.

This 💯

I hope your kids don’t open presents on Christmas morning

I find this response oddly and unnecessarily hostile.

My child is well aware that all cultures celebrate the solstice in some way and apply their own local and family traditions, sometimes tying them to religion. Our family has a wonderful solstice celebration that combines traditions from both families joined by marriage to create the unique set of practices used in our own household.