AIBU not going to my nephew's christening?

[headlessduck]

Hey, my sister has just had her first baby and they have decided to christen him. None of our family is religious, but my BIL's parents are quite religious. I think they are mostly christening him because of them. I think that raising your child to be religious is deeply unethical. I think it is wrong to teach kids their ludicrous beliefs which there is almost no evidence for as if they are facts. It actively discourages critical thinking. You are facilitating a religion that is deeply misogynistic and homophobic, even if you conveniently ignore these parts of the Bible. Christenings are promising to do just that. At best it is a hypocritical promise. In this case, I think this is all it is. I feel uncomfortable supporting this, and I find religious ceremonies infuriating and boring. I told her I would not be going for these reasons. It is their choice. I am not trying to stop them from doing this, I just don't want to go myself. However, she told me this was "ridiculous" and "pathetic" and that it was "mostly just an excuse for a party." What does everyone think of this? AIBU not going to my nephew's christening?

I see not going the same as not going because a mixed race or same sex wedding, the bride had an abortion so not going to her birthday party, your brother works for a company just done for something dodgy or any other 'I have decided I am better than anyone you reason'

Yes I am aware no matter people post we have to do this understanding hand holding stick a label on ot say op you are the most amazing mother and/or person on the world because nothing negative is to be said but nah dont go if you want they will have a better time without you and your judgement

If I was your sister I would just be relieved that you weren’t coming. You sound a right bore.

Which does rather make you wonder what's the point...

TBH the words you use sound far creepier and odd than the ‘ritual’ that is a christening.

Use the word salad all you want, Christmas is a Christian ‘ritual’. At least own your hypocrisy!

Assuming no Easter eggs for your kids then?

For non religious people - a party!

I was born and raised Christian though beyond my children’s school chapel services I confess I only go to church at Easter and Christmas. I haven’t Christened my kids (much to my mother’s distress!) because I want them to decide for themselves, and then if they ever do want it I’ll organise it (though neither have made any inclination at all which is fine). But I would never think “That’s my view, everyone else should think my way therefore I will actively disrespect my friends who have a differing view”. Mostly because I’m not a dick.

I'm not even Christian but you sound so narrow-minded and frankly horrible.

But why not skip the church part and just have a party?! I genuinely don't get it - if you're not believers, then the church part is irrelevant. Doesn't mean you can't have a good old knees up regardless!

YABU. I’d go. Just like I’d go to a Bar Mitzvah, or any other celebration for a child. But then again, I don’t require all my friends and family to think the same as me.

We don’t go to church on Ash Wednesday, Palm Sunday, or on Easter. We don’t give up anything for Lent. We eat whatever meat we want whenever we want.

I missed the part in the Bible that covered shaped chocolate.

I voted you are unreasonable but realistically please don’t go - they way you feel and how strongly you feel means you would definitely spoil the event and embarrass your sister in front of her in-laws. You don’t have to agree with religions but you should be grown up enough to have the manners to politely decline the invite.

My sentiments also. You sound overly sanctimonious OP.

I’m not religious but i would still go to support my family.

You would ruin it. Don't go.
It's not your life not your issue. Have some respect for your sisters decisions

If you don't want to go, don't go. I probably wouldn't go to a christening either, but I would make an excuse rather than tell them my opinion. If you phrased it to your sister the way you wrote it in the OP I can see why she's annoyed.

As someone already said above, it's not about you. You believing it not is not relevant.

I assume you refuse to attend religious weddings and funerals too for the same reasons?

Just hope there's nothing you want support for that they don't want to go to. Weddings, christenings, graduations, funerals...there are lots of occasions that family ask for support and celebration. It's not about you, no one cares about your opinion and you've already been exceptionally rude to your sister. Apologise and go if you value your relationship with her at all.

I’m a lesbian atheist and while I don’t disagree with a lot of what you’ve written, I go to support my friends and family, I don’t think you’re unreasonable in not wanting to attend though, but I would have just left it at “I don’t feel comfortable attending as an atheist”, it wasn’t really necessary to berate your sister in that way.

Let’s be honest though most christenings today are a sham, just an excuse for a party, following family tradition or trying to get kids into good schools, I think that’s more offensive than an atheist objecting to them, at least OP isn’t lying to a vicar in a church so she can have a nice party.

I think you’re making your nephew’s Christening all about you. No one is asking you to believe anything. You can choose not to speak at the affirmation of faith etc and just be present as a bystander rather than participating. It’s not just a religious ceremony, it’s also a ritual for
celebrating a baby and a lot of people just treat it in that way. Is it hypocritical? Yes, probably but people are hypocritical about a lot of things. Styling themselves as eco friendly and then having to buy a plastic bag because they forgot, for example. Humans aren’t always perfectly rational or consistent.

At the end of the day, he’s their baby not yours so they’re probably going to make some parenting decisions you disagree with. I think you need to be very careful making a stand against other peoples parenting decisions. Are you going to refuse to participate in anything related to your nephew that you think is harmful? Where do you stand on junk food, screen time, things that pollute the environment, overpriced cartoon merchandise, the fascist history of Disney etc etc. I’m not sure if it’s a CofE or Roman Catholic christening, but in the CofE 50% of vicars are women and a lot are gay, so I think this issue is more complex than you are making it.

A celebration of the child/ naming ritual/ chance
to mark the occasion of the birth in a
formal setting with family and friends present/
being part of a tradition…

I see tolerance is alive and well here

Extreme views on either side are just two sides of the same coin really. While I think it is hypocritical to have a christening if you aren't religious, I wouldn't be rude about anyone having a christening just to have a party. Why not have a non religious naming ceremony instead?

But I would never think “That’s my view, everyone else should think my way therefore I will actively disrespect my friends who have a differing view”. Mostly because I’m not a dick.

Well said @TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl

I don’t understand the “hypocritical” argument against having a Christening or a church wedding when you’re not a person of faith. People buy Buddha statues and put them
in their homes or gardens, but no one says they’re hypocritical for not following the whole
philosophy. There are plenty of secular Jews who participate in the rituals without believing in God. What’s the difference compared
to picking and choosing some rituals
from Christianity without wholesale becoming a monk or whatever? And I don’t think these people will be lying to the vicar- the vicar knows the family don’t go to church and probably don’t have much faith if any.

Isn’t it brilliant that we’re allowed to co-opt the structure of Christianity to engage in celebration, whether we are religious or not?

How perfect is it, @headlessduck , that your family, and your BIL’s family can come together, with friends and colleagues and strangers, for a ceremony to welcome your nephew into the world, and into the love and care of all his family?

I’m an atheist. Christenings are a wonderful thing.

Atheists who can’t accept that other people believe differently to them are the worst.

Christmas is (historically) nothing to do with religion - it was originally a pagan festival taken over by the Christian church.