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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh doesn’t want another child.. with me.

151 replies

Indoorvoicesbluey · 28/02/2023 20:49

I’m 33 and so is my Dh. We have one 6year old dd and I have two from a previous marriage aged 14&13. He is an amazing dad and treats them all the same. Older two do not have contact with their biological dad.

we’ve been together 9 years.

for some absolutely insane reason I’m broody. No idea why, and no idea where it has came from.

at dinner tonight we was talking about dd6 as a baby and I joked saying “don’t, I’m so broody” dd15 chirps in “please have another”.

dh says absolutely noway on this earth.
I then ask if he would have another if we ever touch wood divorced. He said yes. Because it probably just be him and her and they could have a child. I said you have child/ren and he replied but would only 50% of the time.

im upset but also angry. Who thinks like that?

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 28/02/2023 20:51

But you asked the question, which was a strange one in the first place.

BankOfDave · 28/02/2023 20:52

I can totally imagine why you’re be upset by that comment but I can also see some sort of logic to it. Perhaps reframe it that he wants to focus his energy on children he cares for well, 100% of the time.

IWishItCouldBeChristmasEveryday · 28/02/2023 20:52

What made you ask him if he'd have another if you divorced anyway? It's definitely not on what he said but your question is a strange one.

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/02/2023 20:52

I see both points. He lives with three children and four is too many. One and a half would be vastly easier.

However, I'm not entirely sure how nice he is saying that he would have another with someone else to you, who wants another. It just seems mean and churlish to say it.

Botw1 · 28/02/2023 20:52

Who asks their dh if they'd have another kid if they divorced?!

Stopthebusplease · 28/02/2023 20:53

Surely this way a hypothetical conversation OP, so I think being upset and angry about it, is a bit OTT.

Astralitzia · 28/02/2023 20:53

At the moment you have three children, combined.

If you were to divorce, he'd only have one.

Adding one to three is a very different prospect to adding one to one.

GoodChat · 28/02/2023 20:53

Don't ask hypothetical questions you don't want answers to.

Original poster
Indoorvoicesbluey · 28/02/2023 20:54

I’m a weird one who asks hypothetical questions like if I turned into a goat would he still love me.

I blame my bpd.

OP posts:
TheBigWangTheory · 28/02/2023 20:54

If you don't want the answer, don't ask the question!

Bit of a nerve complaining when you did exactly that, had another kid after divorce...why would you be so mad that he might do exactly what you already did?

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/02/2023 20:54

Astralitzia · 28/02/2023 20:53

At the moment you have three children, combined.

If you were to divorce, he'd only have one.

Adding one to three is a very different prospect to adding one to one.

Yup

Ginger1982 · 28/02/2023 20:54

You're being ridiculous.

TomatoSandwiches · 28/02/2023 20:55

I think since you asked the odd question you should suck up the disappointment his answer made you feel.

Briallen · 28/02/2023 20:55

Who thinks like that?

you obviously, having asked the question first

Botw1 · 28/02/2023 20:55

Well then surely you can't be annoyed with weird hypothetical answers?

Wishawisha · 28/02/2023 20:55

I think it’s normal to have these random conversations though - most people I know have asked their spouse if they’d have children with a new partner if they were widowed for instance, and then some get annoyed at the felines.

Unless you are planning to split up it’s not really relevant is it?

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/02/2023 20:55

Indoorvoicesbluey · 28/02/2023 20:54

I’m a weird one who asks hypothetical questions like if I turned into a goat would he still love me.

I blame my bpd.

Maybe he’s bored of your questions

Moonicorn · 28/02/2023 20:57

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/02/2023 20:52

I see both points. He lives with three children and four is too many. One and a half would be vastly easier.

However, I'm not entirely sure how nice he is saying that he would have another with someone else to you, who wants another. It just seems mean and churlish to say it.

This basically

MrsR87 · 28/02/2023 20:57

It’s a bit of a strange question to be honest. I can entirely see it from his point of view. I would feel the same and I’m a woman. Me and husband have two and that’s enough for us but if I remarried and my new husband wanted children of his own and I as young enough then I would have another. I’m not planning on divorcing DH so it’s an entirely hypothetical situation as I’m sure your husband though when you asked that leading question.

rwalker · 28/02/2023 20:58

Your comparing apples and oranges
but twisting to make yourself in the right because you can’t have your own way

MeinKraft · 28/02/2023 20:59

Don't ask the question if there's a chance you won't like the reply

WandaWonder · 28/02/2023 21:00

You asked the question

Emptycrackedcup · 28/02/2023 21:00

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/02/2023 20:52

I see both points. He lives with three children and four is too many. One and a half would be vastly easier.

However, I'm not entirely sure how nice he is saying that he would have another with someone else to you, who wants another. It just seems mean and churlish to say it.

This, I can see why you're upset but it is kind of logical and it's sortof your fault for asking. I don't think he meant anything by it, so I would just try and forget it.

soleilblue · 28/02/2023 21:01

You're the one who asked the question. You started it.

BertaHoon · 28/02/2023 21:01

GoodChat · 28/02/2023 20:53

Don't ask hypothetical questions you don't want answers to.

This.

It's not about BPD or any illness.

Just let it go.

Would I ditch my 2 for a baby?
No, but I'd be tempted too for a 2 year old then swap back 🤣.

I'd swap my cats for dogs.

You ask a question, you get an answer - after adding IF we divorced, leading the question.

I'm worn out.