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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh doesn’t want another child.. with me.

151 replies

Indoorvoicesbluey · 28/02/2023 20:49

I’m 33 and so is my Dh. We have one 6year old dd and I have two from a previous marriage aged 14&13. He is an amazing dad and treats them all the same. Older two do not have contact with their biological dad.

we’ve been together 9 years.

for some absolutely insane reason I’m broody. No idea why, and no idea where it has came from.

at dinner tonight we was talking about dd6 as a baby and I joked saying “don’t, I’m so broody” dd15 chirps in “please have another”.

dh says absolutely noway on this earth.
I then ask if he would have another if we ever touch wood divorced. He said yes. Because it probably just be him and her and they could have a child. I said you have child/ren and he replied but would only 50% of the time.

im upset but also angry. Who thinks like that?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 28/02/2023 21:01

Indoorvoicesbluey · 28/02/2023 20:54

I’m a weird one who asks hypothetical questions like if I turned into a goat would he still love me.

I blame my bpd.

There's your problem? Grin

The BPD is making you 'test' him. And then when he fails you can feel all secure in being rejected, which you expected.

You know that. Try to stop yourself. Or give him permission to lie through his teeth if you ask him questions like that. He could have a list of acceptable answers:

yes
no
that would be an ecumenical matter

TheSnowyOwl · 28/02/2023 21:01

You shouldn’t ask questions that you don’t want honest answers to. Why did you go on to have your youngest? Isn’t that effectively the same thing?

Rtmhwales · 28/02/2023 21:02

Would you have had more with your ex? Or why did you stop at 2 with the ex and then have a third with your partner? His reasoning might be similar.

soleilblue · 28/02/2023 21:03

Indoorvoicesbluey · 28/02/2023 20:54

I’m a weird one who asks hypothetical questions like if I turned into a goat would he still love me.

I blame my bpd.

You asked him if he would love you if you woke up and were a goat?

What did he say to that one?

Redglitter · 28/02/2023 21:03

As pp have said don't ask hypothetical questions of you're not going to like the answer. Being upset with him over it is just daft though

Theunamedcat · 28/02/2023 21:04

Botw1 · 28/02/2023 20:52

Who asks their dh if they'd have another kid if they divorced?!

My ex mil took.a day off work to accompany her son to his vasectomy appointment (her husband was driving him) the entire way there she was begging him not to do it because if we got divorced he could have a child with someone else perhaps a girl! I was literally pregnant at the time but he was another boy for some reason this was an issue 😒 🙄

mamabear715 · 28/02/2023 21:06

Aww, @Indoorvoicesbluey .. I would be bloody hurt too.
Men are WEIRD.

MrsWhites · 28/02/2023 21:07

He didn’t say he didn’t want another baby with you - he said he didn’t want another baby.

Difference between you and a hypothetical new partner is that you already have 3 children so to add another one is hugely disruptive and really not entirely necessary but a new partner could have no children of their own and would quite likely want one - it’s a completely different situation (hypothetically).

aSofaNearYou · 28/02/2023 21:07

I don't think I'd have said it to you if I were him but his logic is perfectly reasonable.

Neodymium · 28/02/2023 21:07

I interpret that as he sees your family as complete but if you divorced and he started a new family with someone that’s a different thing.

ACynicalDad · 28/02/2023 21:08

You asked a hypothetical question and didn't like the answer. There is logic to what he is saying.

butterfliedtwo · 28/02/2023 21:08

like if I turned into a goat would he still love me.

If he entertain questions like this, he really loves you.

That's such a weird question to ask someone.

MrsWhites · 28/02/2023 21:08

Theunamedcat · 28/02/2023 21:04

My ex mil took.a day off work to accompany her son to his vasectomy appointment (her husband was driving him) the entire way there she was begging him not to do it because if we got divorced he could have a child with someone else perhaps a girl! I was literally pregnant at the time but he was another boy for some reason this was an issue 😒 🙄

Show quote history

I don’t know what’s weirder - pleading with your son to not have the snip or going to the appointment with them in the first place 😂

MamOfFive · 28/02/2023 21:08

That's a weird thing to ask, mind you if he still loved you if you was a goat I don't think he's going anywhere any time soon. 😂

PixieLaLa · 28/02/2023 21:10

Weird question, practical and honest answer

ThinWomansBrain · 28/02/2023 21:14

Odd question from you.

TBF, if he moved on to a new relationship, & had one child with a new partner, that's a single child; if he had another with you, that would be a family of four.

Yes, he'd probably have your joint child some of the time, but a very different proposition to four children.

WineCap · 28/02/2023 21:15

YABU. It sounds like your DH is already dealing with four children, he doesn't need a fifth. No, I didn't miscount...

Namechangeforthis88 · 28/02/2023 21:16

What @MrsTerryPratchett said. People with bpd can have a tendency to sabotage their relationships. But you can overcome that. Please do!

Shz · 28/02/2023 21:16

You’re the one who asked a frankly bizarre question.

I think he was awkwardly trying to say he can’t deal with more than he has

But yeah, don’t ask questions if you don’t want the answer.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 28/02/2023 21:16

This seems like a very inappropriate conversation to have within earshot of your children.

I think contributing three new human beings to this burning planet should be sufficient for anyone, frankly.

Springchicken75 · 28/02/2023 21:17

He has 3 children with you, without you he has one. Of course that creates room for more with any future dps.

Its hypothetical.

Why would he want more dc? 3 is plenty and he is probably happy with the way things are.

Original poster
Indoorvoicesbluey · 28/02/2023 21:18

Namechangeforthis88 · 28/02/2023 21:16

What @MrsTerryPratchett said. People with bpd can have a tendency to sabotage their relationships. But you can overcome that. Please do!

Trying, this happens every so often when I don’t feel confident or “secure”. I worry and ask stupid questions. There’s absolutely no reason for me to feel insecure but I always think he’s going to run off and find someone without bpd.

OP posts:
Despair101 · 28/02/2023 21:18

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BrightSaturn · 28/02/2023 21:19

Whole conversation is a weird one to have in front of your children imo.

Original poster
Indoorvoicesbluey · 28/02/2023 21:21

This reply has been deleted

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Thanks.

OP posts: