Dh doesn’t want another child.. with me.

[Indoorvoicesbluey]

I’m 33 and so is my Dh. We have one 6year old dd and I have two from a previous marriage aged 14&13. He is an amazing dad and treats them all the same. Older two do not have contact with their biological dad.

we’ve been together 9 years.

for some absolutely insane reason I’m broody. No idea why, and no idea where it has came from.

at dinner tonight we was talking about dd6 as a baby and I joked saying “don’t, I’m so broody” dd15 chirps in “please have another”.

dh says absolutely noway on this earth.
I then ask if he would have another if we ever touch wood divorced. He said yes. Because it probably just be him and her and they could have a child. I said you have child/ren and he replied but would only 50% of the time.

im upset but also angry. Who thinks like that?

I wouldn't say it in front of the kids though. That and OP's question in front of the kids, who have already lost their first father, makes me wonder what kind of emotional/mental issues their parents are passing on to them!

I don't have BPD and I do ask him, I think the question is fine. DH said no tho, more cos 3 kids is plenty than because of me.

OP it's different if he'd said he wanted more kids but not with you so he's leaving. He didn't. In a hypothetical world where you might leave him for someone else would you have more kids, given you're broody?

I'm not having doubts about mine. When we discussed vasectomy I asked what if he met someone else, he said he wouldn't have more cos ours are hard work enough. We also discussed if he got a job where he travelled to the moon if he'd take me or if I had to wait for him. I don't think that will happen either.

@SleepingStandingUp would he take you to the moon or you'd have an interplanetary LDR?

The dick said I'd have to stay. Something about two 3 yo and the travel time. So if I go to Mars in not inviting him.

Exactly. This whole scenario is very worrisome for the kids' sake. It's like they are dolls or pawns, rather than actual human beings.

Who thinks like that? People who know that three children in a blended family is enough, and that "feeling broody" is not a good reason to have another child.

This reminds me of my husband’s vasectomy logic - ‘but what if something happens to you?’
so ….just in case your presumably much younger future imaginary wife wants a baby with you, knackered widowed 50y.o father of two, your actual wife can fuck off and make her own arrangements 🤣

I do wonder if they actually crave a fight at times. I suppose at least it’s nice they have dreams….

I feel like you trapped him.

It sounds quite fucked up to be honest.

Don't play games with people and then get upset.

You can't ask a hypothetical question and then be upset if you don't like the answer. That's not very fair on him really

There is one child who no biological sibling,by my experiences blood relations make a difference especially in adult years.

and if beeing broody aka yearning for a baby is not a good reason to have a child what is?

ops partner has only 1 biological child and cant deal with 2? (stepchildren are on their way to be adults and dont exactly need same attention as a young child)

seesh what a lightweight guy

If you DID turn into a goat, would you still want another kid?
🤔

My DP doesn't (at least nothing diagnosed) and asks me questions like this all the time

There is one child who no biological sibling,by my experiences blood relations make a difference especially in adult years.

They have two biological siblings - they're just half rather than full, but still siblings.

I think most people would avoid the drama and lie when asked a pointless question. He is surprisingly honest, but maybe he is trying to put you off asking more hypothetical questions.

This.

im upset but also angry. Who thinks like that?

Lots of people. This is why many men won’t get a vasectomy, or why you see people have another baby when they get into second marriages etc

Like others have said, don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to.

So your first marriage ended and you went on to marry again and have a child with your new husband but if he finds himself in that situation hypothetically you have a problem? Sounds a bit hypocritical to me.

My children are siblings? Just half? And there is a big enough age gap for my older two to be aware and they absolutely love their younger sister more than anything. Especially my oldest, she is hoping to become a Norland nanny so adores children but doesn’t want her own (yet..).

I don’t think a lot of people on here understand what BPD does to your thinking. It makes you doubt every relationship.

snd thank you for the person saying I’m going to pass it on to my children, so far they are showing no signs. They have an amazing privileged life and I would do nothing to fuck them up mentally. I work hard at controlling my bpd with medication and my psychologist. Apart from stupid questions like this I don’t show any signs In front of them. Iv explained absolutely everything about bpd to them, they are fully aware I have mental health problems. My mum was an abusive alcoholic all my life, that is why I have BPD.

Exactly.
I used to put my husband off having a vasectomy in case I died and the only chance he got at finding a new mother for our boys was marrying a woman with no kids, who wanted her own too.
Then, a few years later, I said he ought to get a vasectomy because if I died, getting married to a younger woman and having more children would just be tacky and embarrassing for our near-adult sons.
Going down rabbit hole "what ifs" ties your brain in knots.

"I then ask if he would have another if we ever touch wood divorced"
OP, you introduced the hypothetical situation. He answered honestly - and reasonably, as he only has 1 DC and, to be frank, your DC are, well, your DC. It's completely understandable that if he found a new partner and had the means to support another child he would want to add that dimension to his new loving family.
Millions already do.
Don't ask questions if you don't want honest answers, maybe?

He’s always said he would still be the older twos dad if we broke up, he absolutely loves them as if they are his own. The amount he does and financially how much he supports them shows that. My daughter wants to be a Norland nanny and we wouldn’t get any funding, he’s looking into remortgaging our* house to pay for it.

*ours but I dont pay the mortgage and it’s in his name- was bought before we got married. His name because I had awful debt when we first met.

So you have financial troubles with the children you have so you want to add to that?

What? Who said that? Iv said my children have a privilege life, we have absolutely no financial problems?

He feels your family is complete, you have a child that is yours together. If he even entered another relationship he might want that with his new partner too. It's a completely hypothetical question, and was a very odd thing to ask. I don't think you can get angry at the answer.