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AIBU?

To be too embarrassed to face friend after DH’s road rage

286 replies

JaimieP · 28/02/2023 02:28

My husband was driving to my mum’s yesterday and on the journey I saw my work friend in front driving 35 in a 40 and my husband thought it would be appropriate to tailgate and keep revving the engine up her arse whilst beeping the horn and swearing. She was sticking fingers up back and then she locked eyes with me when he ripped round her when he was able to.

I’ve never felt so humiliated and embarrassed!! I want the ground to swallow me up! I already suffer with social anxiety as it is and I’m fuming at my DH for behaving this way and I can’t face her on Thursday when I see her at work!

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

644 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
9%
You are NOT being unreasonable
91%
Goldenbear · 28/02/2023 10:02

I don't understand the connection between giving someone the finger in a moment of exasperation and the ability to drive faster, the two aren't connected, In fact one followed the other, there is no obvious purposeful plan of antagonism.

Maybebabyno2 · 28/02/2023 10:02

If someone is behind me driving like a complete psychopath, I slow down. Its more than likely he does this to people who are driving the speed limit too. I had this a week ago, driving 60 in a 60, some twat bloke in what I assume he thinks is a flashy car, driving up my arse, flashing lights swinging left to right to overtake me and honking their horn. Just because he wants to smash down the road at 80mph+ to feel like a hard man.

It's pathetic, and it makes me gradually slow down as I was advised to in my driving lessons. If he goes into the back of me, so be it. I can always do with a nice insurance pay out.

BungleandGeorge · 28/02/2023 10:04

The advice to deal with tailgaters isn’t to speed up as it just means the idiot potentially goes into the back of you at higher speed. What speed did he drive away at OP? These people really aren’t getting all het up over 5 mph, they generally speed off at well over the limit. Overtaking someone going 35mph at 40mph isn’t a particularly quick process!
it doesn’t really matter what speed the other driver was going though extremely aggressive driving is dangerous and shouldn’t be tolerated. I’d be absolutely mortified, I think the only thing you can do is apologise

SirVixofVixHall · 28/02/2023 10:04

MrsTerryPratchett · 28/02/2023 02:30

There are two issues here. One is your work friend. Just walk right up and apologise. You shouldn't have to but it will help.

The sound is your dangerous wanker of a husband. He endangered you and other people. I assume it's not the first time. Why are you with him?

This.

Goldenbear · 28/02/2023 10:05

You can spot the Top Gear enthusiasts on this thread!

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 28/02/2023 10:10

Yep. I slow down too if there's a nutter behind me, to give me more time to react in case they do something stupid. I wouldn't give the finger but I don't blame your colleague for doing that - she wanted him to stop, and how else was she supposed to communicate?
I hope your DH gets caught speeding and sent on a speed awareness course. He will learn that driving too fast doesn't make you look big or clever. Neither does aggression and intimidation. He will be a happier man if he can learn patience and that he can't control everyone else's behaviour. Also, he should learn to chill, for the sake of his health - he sounds like heart attack material.

MavisMcMinty · 28/02/2023 10:11

I can always do with a nice insurance pay out. @Maybebabyno2

Nobody EVER gets the value of their car in a write-off. Nobody. Ever. Unless you mean a claim for whiplash? Takes years and is hardly worth the wrangling.

I honestly don’t understand why anyone would deliberately antagonise an already irate driver. Cars are killing machines.

Madness101 · 28/02/2023 10:11

3 ways to solve this

1 - don’t let him drive again
2 - report him to the police and get your friend to do this, tell them it happens constantly
3 - get someone to pull an emergency stop when he is driving behind. He probably won’t be able to stop in time and insurance will see it as his fault.

Best of luck

Justtryandstaycalm75 · 28/02/2023 10:15

I'd refuse to get in the car with him again.

As for your friend, she should understand that it is your OH, not you.
It is beyond your control.
He is the one driving.
You can't control other people's stupid actions, so don't blame yourself.

piedbeauty · 28/02/2023 10:16

MavisMcMinty · 28/02/2023 09:58

I used to be like your husband, a total speed-freak, very intolerant of other drivers, went everywhere as fast as I possibly could. Terrible and awful and mad, in other words.

What cured me wasn’t getting points on my licence (they only caught me twice in 30 years) but getting a car with an MPG counter on the dash. OMG. I always knew in theory that speeding uses more fuel, but to see it with my own eyes was life-changing! Now I drive at 60mph on motorways, find a nice big lorry/coach to follow to cut down the wind resistance, and watch my “miles left before refuelling” display tick up and up and up.

I suggest your husband’s next car has an MPG counter.

🙄🙄🙄 Really?? If you're an aggressive idiot who drives too fast, I don't think that suddenly realising that you're making life more expensive for yourself will change your behaviour!

Butchyrestingface · 28/02/2023 10:16

Goldenbear · 28/02/2023 10:05

You can spot the Top Gear enthusiasts on this thread!

Top Gear enthusiasts who are nonetheless delicate little flowers wilting at the idea of their victim giving them the 🖕

😅

MavisMcMinty · 28/02/2023 10:17

It did for me.

MavisMcMinty · 28/02/2023 10:18

Sorry, that was for @piedbeauty - it really did, that was the one thing that sobered me up. Might work for others, don’t knock it.

Goldenbear · 28/02/2023 10:18

Butchyrestingface, yes, exactly!

greenbackers · 28/02/2023 10:19

MavisMcMinty · 28/02/2023 10:11

I can always do with a nice insurance pay out. @Maybebabyno2

Nobody EVER gets the value of their car in a write-off. Nobody. Ever. Unless you mean a claim for whiplash? Takes years and is hardly worth the wrangling.

I honestly don’t understand why anyone would deliberately antagonise an already irate driver. Cars are killing machines.

I would expect if someone goes into the back of me at 80, I will have whiplash, they'll be very seriously injured, probably killed. My car might be written off, their car will be utterly destroyed.

I'd rather not be pushed into the back of someone else so will make sure there is a proper stopping distance in front of me. That will at least mitigate my injuries.

What I will not do, is go at whatever speed they're pushing me to drive at. I will go up to the limit, but I'm not going to risk getting points because they're a shit driver.

InsertMoniker · 28/02/2023 10:20

It's his actions that cause this. When tailgated I always drive slow because fuck you

Yup. It's the only language they understand.

amusedbush · 28/02/2023 10:20

DaveyJonesLocker · 28/02/2023 09:19

I hate slow drivers. But I would never ever tailgate and rev and stress somebody out. Because I'm not a dickhead. And also because if someone's driving slow I'd say they're not a particularly confident driver, forcing them to drive faster or stressing them out is going to increase the chance of an accident, and if you're up their arse you're going to het caught in it too.

If I was your work friend I'd be really sympathetic, it wasn't your fault, and I've been where you are, I'd feel really bloody sorry for you.

But you should go and apologise, don't try to excuse him, just apologise.

Exactly this. Also, they may be confident but not from that area. On my way to work this morning, I was behind someone doing 23mph in a 30 for no obvious reason. After a few minutes, we approached the entrance to a narrow lane that is partially hidden by bushes and they quickly indicated to turn. I assume they didn't know the area and were driving slowly to look out for that lane.

I'm not one for speeding anyway, though; there is nowhere so important I'd risk causing an accident trying to get there. If it's a 30 zone, I'm familiar with the road and conditions permit then yes, I'll be near the limit but doing longer distances on the motorway, I'm perfectly happy to settle into the left lane and pootle along behind some service vehicle or lorry.

When I'm near the speed limit and a tailgater is shouting and swearing, then they roar past me at a million miles an hour, I don't take that as a reflection on my driving. I think "what a fucking arsehole" and get on with my day.

Vegrocks · 28/02/2023 10:23

Please say this twat hasn’t procreated?

quinceh · 28/02/2023 10:23

For those defending road rage, I suspect this arsehole also tailgates people doing 40 in a 40 if he happens to want to go a bit faster.

Maybebabyno2 · 28/02/2023 10:26

MavisMcMinty · 28/02/2023 10:11

I can always do with a nice insurance pay out. @Maybebabyno2

Nobody EVER gets the value of their car in a write-off. Nobody. Ever. Unless you mean a claim for whiplash? Takes years and is hardly worth the wrangling.

I honestly don’t understand why anyone would deliberately antagonise an already irate driver. Cars are killing machines.

It's not antagonising to gradually reduce your speed if someone is driving aggressively behind you. It's the safest thing to do, better you be going slower when the cunt goes into the back of you.

What would you suggest people do on a road with no where to pull over when they are already driving the limit?

Streamside · 28/02/2023 10:26

Porridgealert · 28/02/2023 03:07

I hate slow drivers, too. Drive to the speed limit unless there is more than one lane to overtake. Slow drivers cause stress to other people and lead to accidents. They're very frustrating

Speedometers are only accurate within a certain margin, when caught for speeding using a calibrated device the police will allow for a deviation of 2mph. We've no idea if there were other vehicles in front or what the conditions were and it's likely the driver was doing 37-38 mph.
The op's husband harassed this driver and she'd be quite entitled to report him to the police

Butchyrestingface · 28/02/2023 10:28

The op's husband harassed this driver and she'd be quite entitled to report him to the police

Now THAT would put the only witness to Boy Racer’s behaviour in an invidious position.

Goldenbear · 28/02/2023 10:32

I think it is worrying when people drive emotionally, I live on a a road that is a dead end but is a where a semi busy station is. So many people waiting to collect commuters that park on the double yellow lines meaning the access to residents trying to get to their homes is prohibited. There is lots of entitlement to wait and not move so many altercations arise. I had this the other week, first the man was arguing with a can driver who couldn't turn as this man was parked on the double yellow lines then he speeds off after collecting his wife down the hill towards me it is all double parking so weaving in and out. So much anger so I'm reversing as fast as I can to make way for him because obviously everyone must do so. He is so close to my bumper trying to make me reverse fastly with no accounting for pedestrians/commuters crossing for road I am backing in to. I gesture to slow down and not drove on to my bonnet as I am doing the reverse as quicky as I can do it safely. When he gets to drive past me he winds his window down and berates me, with a whole over emotional episode and that I shouldn't be telling him to slow down as I am not fast enough, blah blah blah, his wife/girlfriend/sister was apologising to me looking embarrassed. Then the can drive followed him, would down the window and apologised to me as saying the man wanted an argument with everyone. How can people live a life where they are like this, BP must be rocketing and it is 7.30 in the evening so probably not in a rush even if he was he needs to chill out. Don't drive if you are emotional.

bonzaitree · 28/02/2023 10:32

He doesn’t sound like a nice man.

tattygrl · 28/02/2023 10:34

Tailgaiting is NEVER ok. Even if the driver in front is going dangerously slowly! In this case your friend's speed was fine IMO, so the tailgaiting was even more unjustified, but anyone arguing about how "slow" drivers are annoying is missing the point: tailgaiting is DANGEROUS and creates aggression, tension and risk on the roads, no matter if the person ahead is driving reasonably or not. It's disgusting, childish behaviour and this would be a serious issue in my relationship.

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