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AIBU?

To be too embarrassed to face friend after DH’s road rage

286 replies

JaimieP · 28/02/2023 02:28

My husband was driving to my mum’s yesterday and on the journey I saw my work friend in front driving 35 in a 40 and my husband thought it would be appropriate to tailgate and keep revving the engine up her arse whilst beeping the horn and swearing. She was sticking fingers up back and then she locked eyes with me when he ripped round her when he was able to.

I’ve never felt so humiliated and embarrassed!! I want the ground to swallow me up! I already suffer with social anxiety as it is and I’m fuming at my DH for behaving this way and I can’t face her on Thursday when I see her at work!

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

644 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
9%
You are NOT being unreasonable
91%
YouTarzan · 28/02/2023 09:31

Your colleague probably feels very sorry for you. If I were her I would probably assume he hits you.

steppemum · 28/02/2023 09:31

I'm no mathmetician, but I think that if you have a journey of 20 miles:

driving at 40 it takes you 30 minutes
driving at 35 it takes you 34 minutes

I am guessing most people are doing a shorter trips, let's say 10 miles

driving at 40 takes 15 minutes
driving at 35 takes 17 minutes

So a saving of about 2 minutes then.
So what is all the fuss about? For the sake of 2 minutes?

CarPoor · 28/02/2023 09:34

ItsShiela · 28/02/2023 09:18

As my instructor used to say ‘it’s a limit not a target’. I very rarely drive on the limit, I’m usually around 4-5mph under it, depending on circumstances.

Yes, any good driving instructor will tell you never drive at the limit unless absolutely necessary. Always have a buffer zone under the limit for safety. Those who drive at the limit all the time are idiots who got their licence out of a serial box, and are not fit to be on the roads.

No driving instructor will tell you to never drive at the limit. That's ridiculous advise. And how is ever absolutely necessary to travel at the limit? It's either a safe speed or its not.

What is the safety buffer for? Hmm

In many cases its completely appropriate to travel at the speed limit. For example a wide empty motorway is perfectly cceptable to travel 70. A straight wide 40 should not be an issue to travel at 40

CarPoor · 28/02/2023 09:36

YouTarzan · 28/02/2023 09:31

Your colleague probably feels very sorry for you. If I were her I would probably assume he hits you.

Bit over dramatic

He's a complete knob but why would you assume he hits her given you've had no indication so far.

Honestly people on MN are so excessive to try and prove their point.

Aquamarine1029 · 28/02/2023 09:38

How you can be married to this utter prick is beyond me. Have you no self- worth at all?

Hellsmovie · 28/02/2023 09:38

I'm a at the limit or over kind of driver. unless I dont feel it safe. Which is rare

CMO · 28/02/2023 09:39

JaimieP · 28/02/2023 03:02

@skilpadde I was telling him to stop and we had a brief row before having to leave it because we arrived at my mums.

He’s more of a dick when he’s driving than anything else but he can certainly be a complete arse in everyday life at times.

And there we have it. You are married to an arse. Your call as what to do about it.

YouTarzan · 28/02/2023 09:39

He's a complete knob but why would you assume he hits her given you've had no indication so far

Because he is really agressive

Puppers · 28/02/2023 09:41

CarPoor · 28/02/2023 09:36

Bit over dramatic

He's a complete knob but why would you assume he hits her given you've had no indication so far.

Honestly people on MN are so excessive to try and prove their point.

Nah I’d assume the same. The behaviour that OP describes is absolutely wild. I would 100% assume that a man who was this angry and reacted in such a volatile and dangerous way to someone driving 5 miles under the speed limit was just a typical aggressive, violent yob. And if I knew OP and knew she was lovely, I’d assume that she likely wouldn’t be in a happy relationship with someone like that.

Lockheart · 28/02/2023 09:41

Aquamarine1029 · 28/02/2023 09:38

How you can be married to this utter prick is beyond me. Have you no self- worth at all?

Is there really any need to be so rude to the OP when she hasn't done anything wrong?

Dudum · 28/02/2023 09:42

An aggressive, angry, dangerous driver who targets women and doesn't give a shit about it? Well, I know what I'd do with him. Please don't have kids with him.

I'd walk up to your friend and say I'm so sorry about the other day, I was trying to stop him but he wouldn't. Needless to say, we are no longer together.

Hellsmovie · 28/02/2023 09:43

Dudum · 28/02/2023 09:42

An aggressive, angry, dangerous driver who targets women and doesn't give a shit about it? Well, I know what I'd do with him. Please don't have kids with him.

I'd walk up to your friend and say I'm so sorry about the other day, I was trying to stop him but he wouldn't. Needless to say, we are no longer together.

He didnt target a woman . He targeted a car that happened to be driven by a woman

Goldenbear · 28/02/2023 09:44

So he's a man and the OP's colleague is a woman, wow.

HurryShadow · 28/02/2023 09:45

I'm not keen on slow drivers either, but 35 in a 40 is not slow.

What speed would he have been doing if she wasn't in his way? I bet it isn't 40.

I'd not be getting in a car with him behind the wheel again. I'd get a bus if I had to. What an arsehole.

If you do get in the car with him, repeat the mantra at him - "it's a speed limit, not a target"!

As for your friend, can you text her before you see her?

"I am so sorry that my H is an absolute dickwad on the road. I hate that he behaved that way to you and am currently not talking to him because of it. If you want to report him, do. It may be the only way he'll learn as he never listens to me.

Anyway, I didn't want you to think I condone his driving and I wanted to clear the air before I see you next."

Puppers · 28/02/2023 09:48

CarPoor · 28/02/2023 08:53

35 in a 40 is not perfect and you don't need to drive regularly below the speed limit.

Drive to the conditions means exactly that. You dont have a set speed you take any road providing its within limits.

Your husband was a twat, and drove dangerously. However its also his actions not yours. Women shouldn't be held responsible for their husbands behaviour. An aggressive driver is probably also likely to be aggressive when questioned

Equally your colleague was antagonistic, and if able to continually swear probably suggests they could have sped up.

I don’t know why people are making the connection between her swearing and her ability to speed up. It’s likely that she was very shaken, very distracted and was reacting to the aggressive outburst being directed at her out of nowhere. It doesn’t prove anything else. There’s no link. Besides which, are we really trusting that out of the two drivers concerned, OP’s husband was the one making a sensible assessment of road conditions, weather etc and tailoring his speed accordingly? He seems so reasonable and smart after all.

Driving 5 miles under the speed limit is not antagonistic. None of this is the friend’s fault. All of it is because the overly emotional man can’t control himself.

DownTheBackofSofa · 28/02/2023 09:49

Did you have anxiety before you met him? Sounds awful to live with

Puppers · 28/02/2023 09:50

Hellsmovie · 28/02/2023 09:43

He didnt target a woman . He targeted a car that happened to be driven by a woman

How do you know?

Hellsmovie · 28/02/2023 09:51

Puppers · 28/02/2023 09:48

I don’t know why people are making the connection between her swearing and her ability to speed up. It’s likely that she was very shaken, very distracted and was reacting to the aggressive outburst being directed at her out of nowhere. It doesn’t prove anything else. There’s no link. Besides which, are we really trusting that out of the two drivers concerned, OP’s husband was the one making a sensible assessment of road conditions, weather etc and tailoring his speed accordingly? He seems so reasonable and smart after all.

Driving 5 miles under the speed limit is not antagonistic. None of this is the friend’s fault. All of it is because the overly emotional man can’t control himself.

It was the giving him the finger that was antagonistic. Pretty easy to comprehend that what the pp meant

Mischance · 28/02/2023 09:51

I would very simply refuse to get in the car when he is driving. It will be inconvenient for you but he needs to get the message that this is no laughing matter.

Hellsmovie · 28/02/2023 09:51

Puppers · 28/02/2023 09:50

How do you know?

Why is it assumed its because shes a woman ?

Mischance · 28/02/2023 09:54

I'm a at the limit or over kind of driver. unless I dont feel it safe. Which is rare

Classic! - just classic!

The speed limit is there to make the road safe. What you do or do not feel is safe is a total irrelevance.

I hope you get caught next time you go "over."

CarPoor · 28/02/2023 09:56

Puppers · 28/02/2023 09:48

I don’t know why people are making the connection between her swearing and her ability to speed up. It’s likely that she was very shaken, very distracted and was reacting to the aggressive outburst being directed at her out of nowhere. It doesn’t prove anything else. There’s no link. Besides which, are we really trusting that out of the two drivers concerned, OP’s husband was the one making a sensible assessment of road conditions, weather etc and tailoring his speed accordingly? He seems so reasonable and smart after all.

Driving 5 miles under the speed limit is not antagonistic. None of this is the friend’s fault. All of it is because the overly emotional man can’t control himself.

She was repeatedly giving him the finger. That's antagonistic.

I don't get very shaken or very distracted with tailgaters. Pissed off yes. And yes if you've got the ability to focus on swearing at someone then you can focus that on the road ahead.

MavisMcMinty · 28/02/2023 09:58

I used to be like your husband, a total speed-freak, very intolerant of other drivers, went everywhere as fast as I possibly could. Terrible and awful and mad, in other words.

What cured me wasn’t getting points on my licence (they only caught me twice in 30 years) but getting a car with an MPG counter on the dash. OMG. I always knew in theory that speeding uses more fuel, but to see it with my own eyes was life-changing! Now I drive at 60mph on motorways, find a nice big lorry/coach to follow to cut down the wind resistance, and watch my “miles left before refuelling” display tick up and up and up.

I suggest your husband’s next car has an MPG counter.

Goldenbear · 28/02/2023 09:59

I don't think it was behaviour made worse by the driver being a woman but the fact that she was a woman is even worse!

Hellsmovie · 28/02/2023 10:02

Mischance · 28/02/2023 09:54

I'm a at the limit or over kind of driver. unless I dont feel it safe. Which is rare

Classic! - just classic!

The speed limit is there to make the road safe. What you do or do not feel is safe is a total irrelevance.

I hope you get caught next time you go "over."

It's safe to drive over limit in the right conditions.
The same as it's not safe to drive at the limit in the wrong conditions

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