Dh going out when Dd is ill

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Dd, 4 has had a high temperature all day and been at home with me. The last time she had a high temp at night, she was almost hallucinating whilst half asleep and said the ceiling was falling in, she was terrified and it was hard to see her like that.
I’m in bed with her now in our bed and she’s asleep.
Dh has just messaged me (from downstairs so as not to wake her) and ask if he can pop to his friends
Aibu to be pissed off?

A little bit unreasonable. He’s just popping out for a couple hours. If he’s going on the piss and will be back small hours and be useless the next day then no you are not BU.

I don’t really think it takes 2 adults to deal with a 4 year old who has had a temperature for less than 12 hours.

I would be fine with DH going out and I would be fine with DH looking after her at other times if I was out.

Unless this is a wider complaint then YABU.

Why do you want/need him there? A temp doesnt need two parents in my experience. If things get worse and you need him you can call him back surely.

If it's just popping out then I really don't see the problem

If he's only going to 'pop' to his friends, what's the problem? There isn't much he do at home if your DC has gone to sleep

It's all hands on deck with puke in my house.

But just a sick kid in bed with you? I'd be fine with him going.

She's asleep and he was downstairs anyway. Why can't he go out? Just tell him to keep his phone on his and not to drink if you're worried.

I don’t see the harm. If she takes a sudden dramatic turn (unlikely) I’d assume you can call him and he’ll come home. But she’s settled and asleep. She doesn’t need two parents keeping watch.

I'm not sure why you'd both need to be around for a 4 year old with a bit of a temperature. I'd say the same if roles were reversed too. One parent can deal with this.

Well presumably he's coming home later. Yes, I think YABU..it doesn't need both of you. You've already elected to be the primary carer in this instance. He's 'asked' and presumably you've said yes. If you feel he should go, speak up and explain why. If you haven't done this consider why?
Ask him to bring you a treat back with him.

I totally disagree with all this of course he could go out nonsense.

You're both parents and yes your providing the care currently but in combination he should be supporting to you care for her!

She might be asleep at the minute but it's bloody awful when they are awake and distressed like that. He should be on hand just in case either of you need anything.

I wouldn't even think of leaving my husband and our children at home if they were unwell even if it was to "pop out to a friend's". What would he be like if you suggested doing the same?!

Lone parents manage to deal with sick children alone without a song and dance. If you're not happy then tell him. But I don't see the issue.

YANBU

I'd expect him to stay home for moral and practical support. 4 is tiny, you've been dealing with this all day and sounds like you have a night ahead too. No, it doesn't take 2 but why isn't it him for a bit to give you a break?? If DD won't have him then why is that; is it because he checks out of parenting on a regular basis 🤔

Depends if it was a common occurrence. DH does more than his fair share of child care so I wouldn't mind.

Why has it pissed you off? What do you want him to do?

I wouldn't have an issue personally. I'd probably snuggle down with her and have a kip myself. I'd probably tell him not to disturb us like and sleep in her bed though.

I agree with all the comments (bit puzzled by the vote).

Not sure why it makes a difference if he is sitting in the living room or round at his friend's.
She is asleep and you are sitting with her.
A 4 yr old with a temperature hardly needs 2 adults.

I've been out when my kids have been unwell and left DH to cope, and I've had many many times I've been alone with sick kids and DH is out.

Doesn't really require 2 parents, but I do understand why you are nervous given what happened before. But that kind of episode is rare and unlikely to reoccur again.

I would be saying it's fine to go out, but stay sober and have phone on.

Hope DD feels better soon.

Single parent here and have no issue dealing with ill children (sometimes both at once) without calling for reinforcements. Their dad doesn't live far away so would be helpful in a real emergency but no need for a temp. Presumably DH will have his phone on him and could come home if she got significantly worse?

I'd just get him to bring me a drink up or anything I needed to not disturb daughter and to leave his phone close just in case

Plus I would not expect my ex to get me involved if the DC were ill during his contact time unless there was something urgent like one needed taking to OOH docs or something or he needed me to drop off extra calpol because he had run out etc.

Our babes only ever want mummy when there ill and daddy when they wana play. I wouldn't have a problem other half going to a mates for a bit I mean what can he so anyway and I'm sure if it turned into an emergency he would be back like a shot anyway and at least he asked aswell

The same has happened again, she woke up speaking gibberish and trying to go downstairs, her temp is high. I knew it would happen, it was scary on my own, calmed her and called him and he came back, she’s asleep now but so pissed off he left and left me to deal with the worry. I wouldn’t even think about leaving to go to a friends when she’s like this.

It really depends.

Normally healthy 4 yo with a fever but broadly speaking ok - fine

Child who goes downhill quickly with known
complicating factors - not fine

My 5yo used to get croup with pretty much every cold. As soon as we saw a snotty nose plus cough it was crisis planning as I’d generally end up in A&E. If DH
or I tried ‘popping’ out they’d get short shrift.

My 10yo got cold after cold with fevers but never needed more than a cuddle. Happy to manage alone.

You don't need him to give calpol and wait for it to work