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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh going out when Dd is ill

136 replies

Neverendingtories · 27/02/2023 20:36

Dd, 4 has had a high temperature all day and been at home with me. The last time she had a high temp at night, she was almost hallucinating whilst half asleep and said the ceiling was falling in, she was terrified and it was hard to see her like that.
I’m in bed with her now in our bed and she’s asleep.
Dh has just messaged me (from downstairs so as not to wake her) and ask if he can pop to his friends
Aibu to be pissed off?

OP posts:
WhateverIdo · 27/02/2023 21:01

You're bizarre.
A simple temperature.
Get a grip

shakeitoffsis · 27/02/2023 21:05

None issue

Fellsidefeather · 27/02/2023 21:05

our children only got hallucinations with temperatures over 41/42. When they’re temp is that high we would already be in hospital being monitored anyway.

Original poster
Neverendingtories · 27/02/2023 21:08

@Fellsidefeather Her temp is 38.8, I’ve given medicine. She was talking gibberish and not with it at all, she was trying to go downstairs and really scared. For this I need him with me, it’s frightening

OP posts:
AllThingsServeTheBeam · 27/02/2023 21:09

Neverendingtories · 27/02/2023 20:57

The same has happened again, she woke up speaking gibberish and trying to go downstairs, her temp is high. I knew it would happen, it was scary on my own, calmed her and called him and he came back, she’s asleep now but so pissed off he left and left me to deal with the worry. I wouldn’t even think about leaving to go to a friends when she’s like this.

So a complete none issue?

Fiddlersgreen · 27/02/2023 21:11

It does sound scary but thank goodness you’re not a single parent if you can’t cope with this.
There’s literally no need for both of you to be there and as long as he’s not drinking, so can get back quickly if needed, I don’t see the issue

Fandangoes · 27/02/2023 21:11

Oh my goodness you are such a drama queen! I feel sorry for your poor husband! 38.8 is t even that high. Ok it’s a ‘fever’ but not alarmingly so.

GingerAle1 · 27/02/2023 21:11

I think it would be decent to stick around but it sounds like he didn't go far anyway?

Tandora · 27/02/2023 21:13

A temp of 38.8 isn’t even particularly high. The speaking gibberish and being out of it is odd. Have you spoken to a health professional about that? I’m not sure your husband popping out for a bit is the issue here, you should be able to handle a 4 year old with an ordinary fever. It’s seems either you are over anxious, or there is something more going on with your tots reaction to fevers that might need medical support?

tennesseewhiskey1 · 27/02/2023 21:14

Dear me. Really?! PFB by any chance? It’s a bit hysterical OP sorry!

Merryoldgoat · 27/02/2023 21:14

@Neverendingtories

I honestly think you need to find a way to deal with this better.

A fever of 38.8 is not in and of itself an emergency and your child is calm, medicated and sleeping.

It’s perfectly reasonable to want your husband with you but the upset you are experiencing over a fairly mild illness is disproportionate.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 27/02/2023 21:15

Nah it's shitty, especially if you have work tomorrow. Why should it all be on you? The worry, the broken night sleep and soothing your child?

DH has done this to me before and I was furious. By the time he came home (1am) I hadn't been to sleep and had to be up for work at 6am (usually I'm asleep by 10pm), changed the bedding because DS has sweated so much and cuddled, sang songs, read stories, given Calpol, reassured him he'd be fine etc. I have a husband for many reasons but one is to share the load.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 27/02/2023 21:15

You called him and he came back back, but you're still pissed off?

You should have clearly said when he first asked you, that you didn't want him to leave.

Talk about mixed messages. Poor guy can't win.

Hope your daughter feels better tomorrow.

aSofaNearYou · 27/02/2023 21:16

YANBU. It wasn't a good time.

Tomatotomatopotatopotato · 27/02/2023 21:16

You posted at 20:36 to say your DH had just messaged you from downstairs to ask if he could visit friends and at 20:57 you posted again to say she woke distressed, you calmed her down and phoned your DH to come home. He must have just left the house when you called him to return.

If his leaving annoyed you so much how did you reply when he asked if he could pop out for a short while?

I don't understand why you need him there for a temperature. Other parents manage on their own. YABU

Azandme · 27/02/2023 21:17

Neverendingtories · 27/02/2023 21:08

@Fellsidefeather Her temp is 38.8, I’ve given medicine. She was talking gibberish and not with it at all, she was trying to go downstairs and really scared. For this I need him with me, it’s frightening

Don't be so wet!

It's a dose of Calpol/ibuprofen and soothing noises, whilst gently guiding her back to bed. 38.8? Non-issue. Bit delirious? Non-issue.

Glad she isn't having proper night terrors, you'd really be freaking then... 🙄

iam45 · 27/02/2023 21:19

Don’t be ridiculous, you don’t need another adult to hold your hand through the trauma of witnessing your child have a temp

Original poster
Neverendingtories · 27/02/2023 21:19

I didn’t reply that he could go I didn’t say anything as was with my Dd
The issue isn’t the temp, I’ve been with her all day, been with her many tones when ill, all fine, I’m not an anxious person..but her reactions at night when she has a fever do scare and panic me tbh, is that not normal to find it scary?
She screams and shouts and is completely out of it and scared, it’s hard to calm her

OP posts:
miffy04 · 27/02/2023 21:20

If he asked your permission and you are obviously so upset about it, why did you say yes? Should of been honest and said no I'd rather you didn't go.

I agree with the other posters that say you're being unreasonable. It sounds like you don't want him home for your DD but to babysit you while you're worried. That's not his job. If you'd said you want him to stay and take over the care of the sick kid while you have a rest though, I'd be behind you

Original poster
Neverendingtories · 27/02/2023 21:20

@Azandme They are like night terrors, the last time went on for ages and she was screaming saying the ceiling was coming in

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 27/02/2023 21:21

Blimey. I find this hard to understand. My 3 year had a temp of 39.8 earlier, she’s got a grim chest infection and we’ve had broken nights for days with her coughing, I’m 8 months pregnant and pretty tired. If DH had wanted to pop out this evening I’d have told him have a good time. It doesn’t take two adults to dole out calpol and cuddles. We’ve all been there.

What was the worst you thought would happen? If I was him I’d be more worried about you than DD. This level of worry must be exhausting for all of you.

Original poster
Neverendingtories · 27/02/2023 21:22

@miffy04 I didn’t say yes to him, he just went.

I need him or would like him here to be with her with me to help her calm down, I don’t ask much of him. I do pretty much everything else but I do find it pretty frightening when this happens and would like his support

OP posts:
AllThingsServeTheBeam · 27/02/2023 21:22

Neverendingtories · 27/02/2023 21:20

@Azandme They are like night terrors, the last time went on for ages and she was screaming saying the ceiling was coming in

Your husband wasn't even gone for half an hour.

Tell him to take over if you can't deal with it?

Original poster
Neverendingtories · 27/02/2023 21:23

@AnneLovesGilbert Because of her reaction when she hallucinates etc

OP posts:
pizzaHeart · 27/02/2023 21:23

I think people are unfair to you OP. It was perfectly reasonable to expect your DH to stay at home and support you unless he’s got something urgent and necessary but I guess from your post that it wasn’t the case. I would feel the same, a bit scared on my own in this situation. And you could have needed something, my DD often slept on me with temperature and any movement could wake her up so I used to ask DH for water or tissue. I wouldn’t ask him to miss time at work but going out to a friend was very different.

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