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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say something to my sister about the baby

282 replies

Zcity · 27/02/2023 08:22

She's gorgeous, 14 months old. She will shuffle on her bum to get around a little. She cannot crawl at all, or stand by herself, she has no inclination to move really, she's very happy just sat on a mat.

I do not have children and Google tells me very different things but I'm worried (as is our mum) as she said to me that baby should be crawling at least.

DM bought the subject up with her but she said she had been to the GP and GP said it's fine as she can stand unsupported- but thing is, she can't. She cannot stand by herself, if you gently pull her up so she's standing she will need to lean against something (sofa) and she only stays upright for seconds until her legs buckle.

Would you be concerned or am I overstepping as loving auntie and wind my neck in? All babies are different, which I understand! Maybe just a late walker? Hoping for reassurance!

OP posts:
Pythonesque · 27/02/2023 15:29

I think there is a significant difference between "weight bearing" and "standing unsupported". From what the OP describes, this little one is starting to be able to bear her own weight briefly when put on her feet, even though she doesn't stand without support or for very long.

I agree that encouring mobility by leaving interesting items just out of reach is a good thing at this age. And indeed bum shuffling is associated with significantly later walking in perfectly normal children.

If you wanted to look out for anything else, consider whether she seems to have good eyesight - is she seeing and seeking after small items etc as you might expect. I only mention this as my youngest niece intrigued us all a little by being a few months later to walk than her older sisters, and was later found to be very long-sighted. It wasn't ever a "worry" that she was delayed as her sisters had very much been hard work as toddlers!

But I doubt very much that there is anything to be concerned about with your niece so keep enjoying her and well done for trying to put your mother's concerns in the right perspective.

DuchessOfPaddington · 27/02/2023 15:51

Zcity · 27/02/2023 11:21

Thank you! Coincidentally sis messaged me earlier mentioning it as her friend's little one who is 10 months started walking yesterday-- I replied "honestly nothing to worry about, one day you'll turn around and have the shock of your life when she's running around the living room instead of quietly sitting there" 😀

Show quote history

OP, I haven't RTFT but I have read your posts and the first few pages of responses. I have personal experience of a child needing early support with gross motor skills.

I'm sorry but you have had some terrible advice on this thread and based on this update it has led you to completely dismiss a concern raised by your sister. You don't know that there is nothing to worry about with your DN and it's incredibly distressing as the parent of a child who needs help to have your concerns dismissed, however well-intentioned that might be. Please listen to your sister if she raises the subject again, ask her how she wants to proceed, and support her in her decisions.

zingally · 27/02/2023 16:06

For what its worth, I didn't learn to walk until I was 3 years old.

I bum-shuffled everywhere - never crawled. Didn't even attempt to support my own weight until I was 2 and a half at least. Mum described me as having legs like jelly.

Obviously, parents were concerned and took me to various doctors, who could find nothing physically wrong, and just shrugged, saying I'd do it when I was ready. I did - eventually.

I have since learnt that I have hyper-flexible hip joints, which may have been behind my slow walking, because I didn't have any muscle support in them.

Rockingcloggs · 27/02/2023 16:16

My kid didn't crawl until 18 months and he didn't walk until a knats nob off being 2.

You know babies don't fit a mould don't you?

I'd have laughed and told you to keep your nose out if you were my sister!

Wtf2023 · 27/02/2023 17:43

My youngest bum shuffled for ages and then progressed to pulling himself up and steps. He was 20 months when he finally took a step and I was starting to get worried. He’s a wee flyer now. All in their own time, try not to worry

Madamum18 · 27/02/2023 17:54

Apparently I didn't walk until nearly 20 months, just shuffled everywhere on my bum, suddenly pulled myself up one day, let go 3 days later and walked a couple of days after that As my parents were in the tropics and in the middle of nowhere with little medical support, they were VERY relieved...and then wished Id go ack to shuffling as they spent all day running after me!! 😂

JustDanceAddict · 27/02/2023 17:56

I walked at about 20 months & my DC’s walked at 15/16 months but they did crawl by a year.
I don’t think it’s much to worry about yet.,

Hankunamatata · 27/02/2023 18:02

Some kids never crawl they bum shuffle. I remember mum of twins saying one of hers bum shuffled and didn't walk until nearing 2 as their twin just fetched everything they wanted

MMUmum · 27/02/2023 18:05

My Dd didn't crawl, she showed no interest in it and instead shuffled on her bum, she walked at 11 months and almost immediately starting climbing everywhere, I have 2 other children in my life at the moment one didn't walk til 18mths, one 17 mths not walking yet, all children are different

pollymere · 27/02/2023 18:05

Mine has hip problems that got picked up at the nine month check. I suspect if it were due to joint issues, it would've been picked up. Some just aren't interested in walking. Ironically mine was an early walker but couldn't stand unaided or walk unaided until 18 months.

Ellyess · 27/02/2023 18:11

Far too soon to start worrying! She's a contented little soul. Leave her in charge.

1000N · 27/02/2023 18:15

Children develop differently to each other, mine did not start standing him self up until 15 months but as soon as he did, was walking the next day and now 2 weeks after he is always trying to run😅

LovelyIssues · 27/02/2023 18:15

If there are any concerns HV/GP will pick up on it. I wouldn't say you're overstepping the mark though, you sound like a really loving & caring Aunt. X

Rellywobble · 27/02/2023 18:16

YippieKayakOtherBuckets · 27/02/2023 14:12

If you're accepting full-time free childcare from family then it's reasonable to imagine that they might have a pretty informed position on the child's development, childless though they may be.

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Agree with @YippieKayakOtherBuckets .

DuchessOfPaddington · 27/02/2023 18:17

I would be interested to know if the pp blithely assuring OP that a GP or HV will pick up on any issues have had babies or toddlers since the pandemic. Contact is much more light touch these days and in-person appointments have not resumed in all areas.

SchoolTripDrama · 27/02/2023 18:18

PortiasBiscuit · 27/02/2023 09:11

Enough, OP asked in good faith, we responded.
If you’re going to just be nasty, fuck off!

THIS!

BrokenBonesStixStones · 27/02/2023 18:19

My DS didn’t move until 16 months - literally think he was too lazy lol - he crawled and walked within days of each other

SchoolTripDrama · 27/02/2023 18:23

@Zcity Your sis is so lucky to have you & your mum! I've had no support since DH died (when DD was 1) and honestly, I'd have been blessed to have people like you around me FlowersGin Well done 👍🏻

Scotland32 · 27/02/2023 18:31

I was like that as a baby. Didn’t walk until around 15 (or maybe more, I’d need to ask my mum) months and never crawled. I turned out fine!!

bighair32 · 27/02/2023 18:34

My daughter didn't pull up into standing until 15 months. Some friends had a baby who crawled and stood at nine months. Now a few (!) Years later you would have no idea which child achieved their gross motor skills first. Horses for courses tbh...

GrinAndVomit · 27/02/2023 18:35

SchoolTripDrama · 27/02/2023 18:23

@Zcity Your sis is so lucky to have you & your mum! I've had no support since DH died (when DD was 1) and honestly, I'd have been blessed to have people like you around me FlowersGin Well done 👍🏻

Hear hear!

I’m sorry you’ve had such a tough time on here OP, but I’m glad your mind has been out at rest. ☺️

It never fails to surprise me how a completely innocuous question can get such nasty responses.

Lilyhatesjaz · 27/02/2023 18:38

My DD never crawled at all just went straight to walking.

Cutie101 · 27/02/2023 18:39

Baby IS meeting milestones. Walking can happen at a huge range of ages, as can walking independently. The child can sit and move around independently. All is well.

AKAsomeoneelse · 27/02/2023 18:40

@GrinAndVomit - I was just thinking the same about nasty responses! Some people just love tearing others down, even pages later when the OP has already said thanks for putting her mind at rest and she won’t say anything.

Harls1969 · 27/02/2023 18:40

My daughter didn't walk until she was 18 months, talked really quite early and was potty/toilet trained by 3. Son didn't walk until he was 17 months, didn't talk much until he was 2 and refused to use the potty or toilet at all until he was 3 and went to nursery, even then he wasn't regularly dry through the night until he was nearly 5. It's lovely that you care, but try not to worry OP.