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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say something to my sister about the baby

282 replies

Zcity · 27/02/2023 08:22

She's gorgeous, 14 months old. She will shuffle on her bum to get around a little. She cannot crawl at all, or stand by herself, she has no inclination to move really, she's very happy just sat on a mat.

I do not have children and Google tells me very different things but I'm worried (as is our mum) as she said to me that baby should be crawling at least.

DM bought the subject up with her but she said she had been to the GP and GP said it's fine as she can stand unsupported- but thing is, she can't. She cannot stand by herself, if you gently pull her up so she's standing she will need to lean against something (sofa) and she only stays upright for seconds until her legs buckle.

Would you be concerned or am I overstepping as loving auntie and wind my neck in? All babies are different, which I understand! Maybe just a late walker? Hoping for reassurance!

OP posts:
eastegg · 27/02/2023 13:10

Zcity · 27/02/2023 08:22

She's gorgeous, 14 months old. She will shuffle on her bum to get around a little. She cannot crawl at all, or stand by herself, she has no inclination to move really, she's very happy just sat on a mat.

I do not have children and Google tells me very different things but I'm worried (as is our mum) as she said to me that baby should be crawling at least.

DM bought the subject up with her but she said she had been to the GP and GP said it's fine as she can stand unsupported- but thing is, she can't. She cannot stand by herself, if you gently pull her up so she's standing she will need to lean against something (sofa) and she only stays upright for seconds until her legs buckle.

Would you be concerned or am I overstepping as loving auntie and wind my neck in? All babies are different, which I understand! Maybe just a late walker? Hoping for reassurance!

If you gently pull her up…

I do hope nobody is taking it upon themselves to do this. It’s bad enough when people encourage their own children to stand or walk before they are ready, terrible to do it to someone else’s.

DS1 crawled at 13 months and walked at 19. He definitely wasn’t standing unaided at 14 months. He’s now sport mad and a national (just!) standard XC runner.

Ohhmydays · 27/02/2023 13:15

KievsOutTheOven · 27/02/2023 08:41

This is what my daughter did.

She bum shuffled; but not particularly well or often. She preferred to be quite sedentary.

At 15 months she randomly started walking - took her first steps and then just started walking everywhere straight away. None of that baby stumbly stage.

My son is a year old and didn’t start bum shuffling til 11 months. Not walking yet but cruises well.

They are all different.

Show quote history

i had a friend who’s son was 23months when he started walking. Had no interest in cruising/crawling or trying to stand. Even if you tried to stand him up he would just pull his legs up. Then one day he randomly pulled himself up and toddled away like he had been doing it for months

Pushing30 · 27/02/2023 13:16

I have two dd's. Dd1 could walk at just over 1, dd2 around 19 months.

Dd2 didn't show much interest in walking. I didn't think it mattered yet at her age, but at her HV check sometime between 1y and 16 months (i think), the HV really pushed that I needed to do lots of encouraging. E.g to stand unaided, attempt steps, lots of pulling to standing from the sofa.

SnackSizeRaisin · 27/02/2023 13:17

It could be normal. Babies should mostly just sit on the floor not in any kind of supportive chair, bouncer or jumperoo at that age, to allow their muscles to develop. Late crawling can be due to too much chair use. Also is she having enough tummy time?

memorial · 27/02/2023 13:18

ThanksItHasPockets · 27/02/2023 12:57

I'm interested to see your reference for the range. Inability to bear weight on flat feet at 12-15 months was the trigger for a physio referral for my DS.

Show quote history

www.nhsggc.org.uk/kids/healthcare-professionals/paediatric-physiotherapy/early-years/when-to-seek-help/#:~:text=Not%20Walking%20by%2018%20Months,-Most%20toddlers%20will&text=If%20your%20baby%20has%20not,your%20GP%20or%20Health%20Visitor.

There's literally hundreds of pages put there if you google but here you go

ThanksItHasPockets · 27/02/2023 13:22

memorial · 27/02/2023 13:18

Show quote history

That page says to seek help if your child is not taking weight on their legs by 12 months. That was precisely my point as it was the advice I was given, too. I must be missing something.

To say something to my sister about the baby
TicketBoo23 · 27/02/2023 13:23

Your Mum and to a lesser extent yourself sound overwhelming and potentially stressful.

Time to chill out and back off a bit.

BigglyBee · 27/02/2023 13:23

The only time I would be concerned at all is if the baby tries to pull themselves up but it seems to cause pain or distress. Otherwise it will happen at the best time for that baby.

TicketBoo23 · 27/02/2023 13:24

Some Grannies go absolutely batshit when grandkids arrive. Usually the ones with a lack of hobbies. You need to not be following her down that route.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 27/02/2023 13:31

Totally overstepping. Why are you so over invested? This is not your baby.

I didn't walk until 18 months. My Mum said she gave away my playpen when I was 12 months old, as she'd just plonk me in the middle of the living room carpet with some toys, go off and do her chores, then come back and find I hadn't moved at all.

It was during the heatwave of the summer of 1976, when we had a big paddling pool in the garden, that I finally learned to pull myself up by leaning on the edge.

Velvetween · 27/02/2023 13:31

kindercup · 27/02/2023 08:30

I do not have children and Google tells me very different things

What on earth has possessed you to google developmental stages of a baby you don't have?

Is there some sort of huge backstory that means your sister is not equipped to be an adequate parent?

Also, it's normal.

Did you bother to read her posts? She’s a doting auntie and her mum has got her a bit worked up about this issue. Do you only google things you have personal experience of???

OP, you sound like a lovely caring sis/auntie. I didn’t walk until 18mths and never crawled. My family nickname was Cabbage….because I just sat there like a vegetable.

ladycarlotta · 27/02/2023 13:35

Whatwouldyoudo24 · 27/02/2023 08:30

It’s hard to say, my friends daughter did not bother crawling at all and would bum shuffle around and didn’t even attempt to walk until over 2! She’s 5 now and running around like every other child her age.
But it could also be a sign of developmental delay.

14 months isn’t that old to not be walking realistically so I’d wait for a couple more months to see if crawling or walking happens and if it doesn’t then one of you (whoever you think she’d have a more relaxed, non-confrontational conversation with) have a sit down over a cup of tea and just explain that you love DN a lot and just wanted to touch base again about whether it was worth getting her checked over as early intervention is usually quite a long wait so it would be easier to get her on the list now and she could just call to cancel if she suddenly jumps forward and walks overnight (which most babies do!)

no! not even this! The baby's mother is keeping an eye on it already, there will never ever be any need for a 'relaxed, non-confrontational conversation' to 'touch base again'. There is genuinely nothing here to indicate that OP and her mum are somehow paying more attention to the baby's development and are more clear-eyed about it than her own mother is. They do not need to hover around with a plan.

OP is taking the sensible advice to wind her neck in and make sure her mum does the same - this is the only correct course of action.

StillWantingADog · 27/02/2023 13:37

if she is in engaged with GPs and Health visitors generally then leave her to it.
I never crawled at all.
My niece only bum shuffled until she was well over 18 months. She's now 18 years and perfectly fine.
My own ds didn't speak till he was 3, was on the list for speech development help but suddenly got the hang of it extremely quickly.

There is such a different range of ages for milestones. Just because some get there later than others doesn't mean they will be disadvantaged in the future.

whynotwhatknot · 27/02/2023 13:46

i didnt walk till 18 months no crawling nor did my nephew-perfectly normal we're all different and do what feels comfrotable

Sugarfree23 · 27/02/2023 13:59

TicketBoo23 · 27/02/2023 13:23

Your Mum and to a lesser extent yourself sound overwhelming and potentially stressful.

Time to chill out and back off a bit.

Did you read the bit that Op and Gran are providing childcare 5 days a week between them.
Of course they are invested in the child.

whattodo1975 · 27/02/2023 14:09

Most parents really appreciate it when childless friends/family members who have used google give them advice on when children should be hitting various milestones.

YippieKayakOtherBuckets · 27/02/2023 14:12

whattodo1975 · 27/02/2023 14:09

Most parents really appreciate it when childless friends/family members who have used google give them advice on when children should be hitting various milestones.

If you're accepting full-time free childcare from family then it's reasonable to imagine that they might have a pretty informed position on the child's development, childless though they may be.

Lochroy · 27/02/2023 14:30

Why are the very vocal 'it's normal' brigade ignoring that the child doesn't pull herself up and that the GP had incorrect info?

It hopefully, probably, is fine, but not walking yet doesn't seem to be the main concern.

Have a look at what @ThanksItHasPockets has posted.

Coffeeandcrocs · 27/02/2023 14:48

My almost 15 month old can't crawl, walk or cruise. He army crawls around although does use both legs to propell himself along now and can sit unaided as well as weight bare.

The GP and HV said it is indeed fine and that they'd call back to check at 18 months and if no signs of pulling up will refer to physio to check there's no physical issues but they think he's just slow to do the physical things whereas he's been quick with language and fine motor skills.

If shes anything like me she's probably a nervous wreck and worrying whats wrong with her DD so I don't think you commenting will be helpful - if she's been to the GP, she's done all she can for now.

saraclara · 27/02/2023 14:52

Another one saying that you've gone too quickly from one expend to the other @Zcity

Eixample · 27/02/2023 14:56

It says to seek advice if the child can’t support its weight at 12 months. The OP’s sister has sought advice and a qualified doctor has told her not to worry. I wouldn’t raise the alarm based on what the OP understood from how her sister summarised the appointment to her. It sounds like the sister has it under control.

saraclara · 27/02/2023 14:58

saraclara · 27/02/2023 14:52

Another one saying that you've gone too quickly from one expend to the other @Zcity

Sorry, posted early by accident.

You don't bring it up yourself, but when your sister does, please don't dismiss it. Take your cue from her and say that while niece will probably catch up, if she's really worried she could always ask the health visitor to fit in an extra check. Her mentioning it is her asking for your opinion, so use it and don't just make her feel that she's being silly.

It's a painful tightrope, and I've been on it for nearly 18 months with my DD re DGC. Not interfering or bringing up my concerns (informed, as it was my professional field) was painful, but when my DD gave me an opening on occasion, I was able to gradually encourage her to take advice or ask for an assessment.

Goodyetalso · 27/02/2023 15:11

My DC walked at 9 months and was racing around causing absolute havoc by 10-11 months. In contrast, a friend of mine had 4 children and none of them walked until they were over 18 months and none of them crawled. Two of them had their 2nd birthdays before they took their first steps. All of them are completely developmentally normal otherwise and have no physically issues at all.

I always say that if my DC hadn’t crawled and walked so early I’d have been able to cope with 4 of them too 😉 sheer life was so much easier because they didn’t move.

MoreSleepPleasee · 27/02/2023 15:17

I never crawled I would just sit there. I went straight to walking. I can walk now though 🤣 Then there's my son who took his first few steps at 9 months. And he has autism. We are all different.

billy1966 · 27/02/2023 15:26

Goodyetalso · 27/02/2023 15:11

My DC walked at 9 months and was racing around causing absolute havoc by 10-11 months. In contrast, a friend of mine had 4 children and none of them walked until they were over 18 months and none of them crawled. Two of them had their 2nd birthdays before they took their first steps. All of them are completely developmentally normal otherwise and have no physically issues at all.

I always say that if my DC hadn’t crawled and walked so early I’d have been able to cope with 4 of them too 😉 sheer life was so much easier because they didn’t move.

I'd believe it. I always recall calling to my friends house and her being very upset as he had fallen and had what looked like an egg sticking out of his forehead, a bump on a bump... shortly afterwards she put the rugby hat on him and it really did help.

She had two little bullets, I had 4 lazy slow coaches😁