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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To post lingerie shots on my social media..

953 replies

Junglejane8 · 26/02/2023 22:35

Right here me out here..
Long term lacking in body confidence. Have never felt very beautiful or feminine. I've been working on my self-esteem recently and a friend who is a photographer treated me to a burlesque shoot. She said it would be a very empowering thing to do, and it was. I actually felt sexy and beautiful and powerful.
The pictures have come through and I'm so happy with them. I want to post them on my social media but am worried that it will come off as vain, desperate, attention seeking etc.
There is lots of crap on social media but then I think of some of the women I follow who post lingerie / swimwear images and I don't judge them at all. I think they are beautiful and confident. I want to do that too.
Or is it vacuous and shameful?

OP posts:
Maireas · 28/02/2023 18:47

@G5000 - 😱 some things should really remain in the bedroom...

Maireas · 28/02/2023 18:51

That's a shocking article, @MavisMcMinty - it also links to what I posted upthread about teenage girls where I teach, being coerced into sending sexualised images of themselves and it being used against them. It's absolutely heinous.

MeetPi · 28/02/2023 23:41

@ZiriForEver

Employer seeing something as inappropriate is very subjective and therefore troublesome. If they can't even disclose the list of "no-goes" in their advertisement, why should they be allowed to use it in evaluation? And if some of the things on their secret list is disproportionately affecting women (for example because societal pressure/acceptance of sexy photos differs), wouldn't it be more fair to change the criteria? Criteria which were created in the society when a photographer was professional with a box with black curtain.

It isn't the images themselves that are problematic. If they are posted online, it can show a serious lack of judgement that would could then seep over into professional life. As an employer screening applicants, this one would automatically go on the 'Reject' list if there were better applicants available.

Flamingogirl08 · 02/03/2023 09:50

Just saw this on the Daily Mail 🙈

LaDamaDeElche · 02/03/2023 12:41

Flamingogirl08 · 02/03/2023 09:50

Just saw this on the Daily Mail 🙈

That was inevitable!

Bellaboo01 · 03/03/2023 11:28

Junglejane8 · 27/02/2023 22:24

@Eyerollcentral you think that men are NEVER objectified....? 👀

Of course they are BUT, I can't ever imagine that my partner would ever post on a forum to ask other people's opinions if they thought it was ok to post private shots on social media. I honestly would be mortified if i saw any burlesque pictures of my partner on social media and vise versa. But, i also hate these types of photo shoots so maybe that is my issue as obviously some people find these pics tasteful as otherwise there wouldn't be a market for them.

MissMarplesbag · 04/03/2023 06:18

What you're not getting is that most people don't want to have pictures of you semi naked inflicted on them. You haven't asked their permission whether they'd like to see you in your undies. If pictures like these were on my social media, I'd mute them. I can go to the pool or beach if I want to see people semi dressed but I don't want to see my friends on social media in that state. My right to choose what I see has been taken away from me.

MissMarplesbag · 04/03/2023 06:20

Posted too early.
By people like you desperate for external validation.

Think of your future career if nothing else.

ReneBumsWombats · 04/03/2023 07:37

My right to choose what I see has been taken away from me.

Presumably you won't see it if you don't choose to look at OP's social media.

bonjello · 04/03/2023 07:40

Hi OP - did you post them yet? How did it go down? Did you get a load of PMs from blokes or was it OK?

MissMarplesbag · 04/03/2023 08:31

ReneBumsWombats · 04/03/2023 07:37

My right to choose what I see has been taken away from me.

Presumably you won't see it if you don't choose to look at OP's social media.

But if I followed the op on social media irl then it would pop up on my feed as well. The amount of trash that I have to unfollow and block is annoying.

ReneBumsWombats · 04/03/2023 08:37

MissMarplesbag · 04/03/2023 08:31

But if I followed the op on social media irl then it would pop up on my feed as well. The amount of trash that I have to unfollow and block is annoying.

Show quote history

If you follow her, you're consenting to see her content. You're choosing to see it.

I get that you don't like lingerie pictures but they're hardly traumatising or obscene content that needs some kind of warning. You'll see them in real life all the time, usually in advertising.

Unfollowing someone because their content annoys you is just part of the deal with social media. It's not an arduous task. OP can post what she likes and if it's so crap you don't want to see it any more, just click. It's not a serious consent issue.

MissMarplesbag · 04/03/2023 08:46

I didn't consent to see people in underwear though. I've reset a lot of my settings so I see limited profiles of needy people.

ReneBumsWombats · 04/03/2023 08:55

MissMarplesbag · 04/03/2023 08:46

I didn't consent to see people in underwear though. I've reset a lot of my settings so I see limited profiles of needy people.

Brilliant, you're using the settings for their intended purpose.

Maybe other people don't "consent" to see baby pictures or cat videos or crap memes or political views they don't agree with. So if someone whose content you choose to see posts it, unfollow and you won't see it again. That's how it works, and what you're agreeing to by using social media. OP could just as easily say that she doesn't consent to needing permission from people to post stuff.

She's allowed to post it and you're allowed to unfollow. But you can't choose to follow her and then demand she should psychically know in advance what you do and don't consent to see on her platform.

Perry34 · 04/03/2023 12:21

ReneBumsWombats · 04/03/2023 08:37

If you follow her, you're consenting to see her content. You're choosing to see it.

I get that you don't like lingerie pictures but they're hardly traumatising or obscene content that needs some kind of warning. You'll see them in real life all the time, usually in advertising.

Unfollowing someone because their content annoys you is just part of the deal with social media. It's not an arduous task. OP can post what she likes and if it's so crap you don't want to see it any more, just click. It's not a serious consent issue.

Show quote history

Exactly. What’s so offensive about a boudoir shoot really. Literally lingerie you see on the racks, images you’d see on advertising, but low and behold it’s a pal and it’s “I didn’t consent to this”

lighten up, it’s not that deep.

LolaSmiles · 04/03/2023 13:21

Of course they are BUT, I can't ever imagine that my partner would ever post on a forum to ask other people's opinions if they thought it was ok to post private shots on social media. I honestly would be mortified if i saw any burlesque pictures of my partner on social media and vise versa. But, i also hate these types of photo shoots so maybe that is my issue as obviously some people find these pics tasteful as otherwise there wouldn't be a market for them
Agree with this.
These shoots aren't really mine or DH's thing, but I can't imagine any male friends I know having a suggestive shoot done in the first place, let alone wanting to post images to social media in the name of empowerment.

There have been a few threads that boil down to 'AIBU to post this photo/post on social media to empower me / empower my child', and all I can think is that society has gone wrong when people with really low self esteem think the solution to boost their self esteem and self worth is posting more stuff on social media. They're probably really nice people with lots of nice qualities and talents, but instead of looking inside and building up an internal sense of their own worth, they think social media is the key.

UWhatNow · 04/03/2023 15:19

Perry34 · 04/03/2023 12:21

Exactly. What’s so offensive about a boudoir shoot really. Literally lingerie you see on the racks, images you’d see on advertising, but low and behold it’s a pal and it’s “I didn’t consent to this”

lighten up, it’s not that deep.

Show quote history

It’s not that it’s offensive necessarily it’s just that it’s naff and embarrassing. A bikini shot on the beach is natural and proportionate - but soft focus lacy underwear in a ‘boudoir’ has 1970s back street massage parlour vibes. Ugh. Cringe.

ReneBumsWombats · 04/03/2023 15:22

UWhatNow · 04/03/2023 15:19

It’s not that it’s offensive necessarily it’s just that it’s naff and embarrassing. A bikini shot on the beach is natural and proportionate - but soft focus lacy underwear in a ‘boudoir’ has 1970s back street massage parlour vibes. Ugh. Cringe.

Show quote history

Ok, it's naff and embarrassing. It's still not an issue of non consent. That's silly.

Sandra1984 · 05/03/2023 10:03

ReneBumsWombats · 04/03/2023 15:22

Ok, it's naff and embarrassing. It's still not an issue of non consent. That's silly.

Show quote history

It’s naff and embarrassing for you but not for me. I do find bad and embarrassing many cat, food and political images that you may find totally fine.

Sandra1984 · 05/03/2023 10:08

Oh the self centerdness, just because you don’t like an image or a photography genre doesn’t mean its bad. Who are you to judge? I love to see my friends posting boudoir pictures, sorry to hear that’s not your case but to brush a whole artistic genre genre because “you just don’t like it”? Are you an art curator or have some sort of authority in the subject matter?

Jezzz…

Poppchipps · 05/03/2023 14:08

Go for it! I'm a burlesque performer and model and I'm always posting Burlesque/lingerie photos on my social media.
If people don't like them, I couldn't care less.
It IS empowering and a big two fingers up to the boring "beauty standards". I've had women come up to me after shows saying watching me perform has made them feel differently about their own bodies and boosted their confidence (as in - if I look and feel great, they can too).

There might be people on your socials who will feel inspired by you and your body confidence.

But of course this is Mumsnet - burlesque is for men's pleasure, lingerie is for men's pleasure, it's all just so not feminist so please put a cardigan on immediately and wipe off all your makeup.

PS - do it!

VioletaDelValle · 05/03/2023 14:21

Poppchipps · 05/03/2023 14:08

Go for it! I'm a burlesque performer and model and I'm always posting Burlesque/lingerie photos on my social media.
If people don't like them, I couldn't care less.
It IS empowering and a big two fingers up to the boring "beauty standards". I've had women come up to me after shows saying watching me perform has made them feel differently about their own bodies and boosted their confidence (as in - if I look and feel great, they can too).

There might be people on your socials who will feel inspired by you and your body confidence.

But of course this is Mumsnet - burlesque is for men's pleasure, lingerie is for men's pleasure, it's all just so not feminist so please put a cardigan on immediately and wipe off all your makeup.

PS - do it!

There's a difference between someone who is a model or burlesque performer as a job posting pictures and someone who has another job posting pictures in their underwear.
Surely you can see that?

I love burlesque, I've got a whole load of lingerie pictures and have been involved in some things people would consider pretty risqué but I don't put them on my social media as it would harm my career.

It really depends what the OP does for a living as to whether this is a good idea.

Poppchipps · 05/03/2023 14:31

@Mirabai Hahahaha aww bless, you're so funny!

How many burlesque shows have you been to?
I am a Burlesque producer with massively successful shows and my audience is always predominantly female.
And none of the performers I work with have got into the Burlesque industry (Burlesque started off as comedy skits, my performers are all creative with their acts and characters) "because we want to please men". That is hilarious.

Let me guess - you've seen a photo of Dita Von Teese and you've watched the Cher film. While clutching your pearls. Bless.

heartbroken40 · 05/03/2023 15:26

Quick question - are burlesque ladies "larger" ? Is that the body empowerment stuff?

Poppchipps · 05/03/2023 15:50

@heartbroken40 You do not have to be "larger" to become a Burlesque performer.