To post lingerie shots on my social media..

[Junglejane8]

Right here me out here..
Long term lacking in body confidence. Have never felt very beautiful or feminine. I've been working on my self-esteem recently and a friend who is a photographer treated me to a burlesque shoot. She said it would be a very empowering thing to do, and it was. I actually felt sexy and beautiful and powerful.
The pictures have come through and I'm so happy with them. I want to post them on my social media but am worried that it will come off as vain, desperate, attention seeking etc.
There is lots of crap on social media but then I think of some of the women I follow who post lingerie / swimwear images and I don't judge them at all. I think they are beautiful and confident. I want to do that too.
Or is it vacuous and shameful?

Why do you think this is empowering? Oh look at me I’m in my lingerie, I’m confident about myself. Good on you but no one else cares. There’s an ex actress that does this on Instagram and I just don’t get it. Every single day she is half dressed. One woman doing this is all you need, same old same thereafter but empowering maybe for you but no one whose looking at them .!

Are these people you actually know or who use sm for a living? Honestly use the inner confidence it has given you in other ways, you do not need to display to all and sundry.

I get you OP, although it's a terrible idea. I'm a lot older than you, but I lost a lot of weight in my early twenties, having always been overweight, and because I felt better about myself, made some very inappropriate choices of clothing! I look back and cringe. Thank god social media wasn't a thing then. Just don't do it. Of course you're going to though, but if I were a betting woman, I would guess you'll seriously regret it.

Honestly, yes.

Employer seeing something as inappropriate is very subjective and therefore troublesome. If they can't even disclose the list of "no-goes" in their advertisement, why should they be allowed to use it in evaluation? And if some of the things on their secret list is disproportionately affecting women (for example because societal pressure/acceptance of sexy photos differs), wouldn't it be more fair to change the criteria? Criteria which were created in the society when a photographer was professional with a box with black curtain.

Employers hire my time, not my soul. I understand why it would be problem if lawyer did illegal stuff in their free time, used their knowledge for fraud. And yet teacher is allowed a drink in a bar in the evening and smoking out of school, thought we don't like it.

I met law students, who organised drinking trips - to get collectively drunk in the environment where there were anonymous to the locals/other guests and "all equally guilty" within a group.
It is ridiculous, it resembles old mafia habits and it is more dangerous for sexual exploitation of young women (like law students), because the harassment happens on the event noone should talk about.

I personally don't adore sexy pictures online. I just understood that we can't stop them, many posts, some images leaks, some are generated, no-one is safe from it.
And I see the only way forward to stop judging it.
And I am quite sure that in 10 years time we will have women in international politics/business with nude images from their 20yo.

@ZiriForEver from that perspective I do completely see the merit of your argument.

Employer seeing something as inappropriate is very subjective and therefore troublesome. If they can't even disclose the list of "no-goes" in their advertisement, why should they be allowed to use it in evaluation? And if some of the things on their secret list is disproportionately affecting women (for example because societal pressure/acceptance of sexy photos differs), wouldn't it be more fair to change the criteria? Criteria which were created in the society when a photographer was professional with a box with black curtain.

I agree that employers should be transparent with their recruitment processes but much of what I'm talking about are actually covered in professional codes of ethics ...so it is out there and these are generally updated regularly. For example, I'm an academic and I teach on a professional course and we make it VERY clear that my profession has a specific code of ethics and if students/graduates join the professional body then they agree to abide by this code.

Clearly, it wouldn't matter in some sectors but in others it would ( and does) cause an issue.
Behaviour has consequences. If you choose to post pictures of yourself on the internet wearing just your underwear (or less) then you do need to accept that this could have ramifications.

Employers hire my time, not my soul. I understand why it would be problem if lawyer did illegal stuff in their free time, used their knowledge for fraud. And yet teacher is allowed a drink in a bar in the evening and smoking out of school, thought we don't like it.

Are you really comparing a teaching drinking and smoking in their spare time, in private to posting half naked pictures online? What people do in their spare time is their business and providing it's legal then it's not a problem. The issue is it being made public. Take whatever pictures you like, that's not the issue. The issue is posting them online for everyone to see.

And I see the only way forward to stop judging it.
What are we judging? I couldn't care less what people do in their spare time but the issue is posting it publicly.

And I am quite sure that in 10 years time we will have women in international politics/business with nude images from their 20yo.

This quite possibly likely to happen but i do think some sectors will always be resistant to accepting this and I think it's a good thing. There is nothing empowering about your colleagues seeing you naked and it is likely to cause more issues for women imo.

(I think it’s a little bit optimistic though, in that I don’t think it’ll solve the core issue, because I don’t think anything can. But certainly has some validity too.)

@VioletaDelValle very much agree with your points.

No it's attention seeking and what happens if you don't get any likes either you will regret putting them up.
Also people may be making remarks that you don't know about it.
The downside of social media. Everyone thinks there a little star and that everyone must be interested in their lives and what they do.
Is nothing private anymore.

It sometimes cracks me up that pretty much the worst Mn insult is ‘attention-seeking’.

Attention seeking is pretty pathetic from an adult. It’s what you might expect from a child and actually take steps to curb. Attention seeking adults have a severe lack.

I think a lot of what we see playing out on a wider scale now really ties in with the way children’s naturally ‘narcissistic’ tendencies (understandable when they’re toddlers/young children but does need curbing in order for them to end up with a healthy, balanced and resilient personality by the time they’re older children/young to mid teenagers) are now often pandered to right up until adulthood and beyond. Paired with the constant dopamine reinforcement of narcissistic traits that media/SM provides atm (arguably entirely false and empty), it’s no wonder that many people, particularly young women, suffer greatly from SM use. Both sexes suffer in different ways from the way virtual reality creates a discrete existence away from one’s actual, real life and true human interactions.

Probably already answered but

You can reverse search an image. I can do that on Google,

Certain employers will have better programmes than Google to search.

With the way tech is changing (I alone think it's at a critical mass right about now, but that's a different thread) it wont be long before you can scan an image of a person and find out a lot about them.

Even without tech, if the images are shared amongst a group say solicitors*, then a lot are connected, see each other regularly, probably have WhatsApp groups etc, once that image is out there it's not a stretch for someone to remember who it is.

*Architects, accountants, fire brigade, whoever, pick your choice.

Attention is a pretty much universal need.

www.theguardian.com/society/2018/feb/05/crimes-of-attention-stalkers-killers-jihadists-longing

Meaningful attention is a universal need!

Perhaps more accurate to say Both sexes suffer in different ways from the way virtual reality creates a discrete existence away from one’s actual, real life and true human interactions, with negative effects becoming more pronounced if there is a marked absence of true human interactions to balance/compensate.

Don't do this. It looks cringey and desperate, and employers often ask for your social media passwords these days. Just print off a few and put them in beautiful photo frames to have around your house.

Yes but there is good attention and bad attention. Surely you know this or do you think all eyes on me is a universal good? Children can misbehave to get attention, this is the adult equivalent.

Don't do this. It looks cringey and desperate, and employers often ask for your social media passwords these days.

Pretty sure they can't ask for this... 🤔

employers often ask for your social media passwords these days.

No they don't.

Have around the house?
I have to say I've never spotted such pictures in anyone's front room 😂😂

I knew a weird American history postgrad who used to get lingerie shoot photos of his wife (white knickers and a.Stetson, straddling a chair) out of his wallet and show them to people at parties, with an air of misty-eyed pride. God knows what was hanging over their mantelpiece back home.

@Dzogchen
Shudders 🙄

I have to say I've never spotted such pictures in anyone's front room 😂😂

I have a friend who has a massive, fully nude pregnancy photo in their living room. Better than sexy lingerie shot for sure, but still way too much information.

I know you are neither a teenager nor suicidal, @Junglejane8 , but this article in today’s Guardian raises a lot of the issues covered here on your thread.

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2023/feb/28/teen-girls-are-struggling-social-media-tiktok-instagram?utm_term=Autofeed&CMP=twt_gu&utm_medium&utm_source=Twitter#Echobox=1677584255